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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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I have just said to my N "I love you from the bottom of my

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I have just said to my N "I love you from the bottom of my heart and you are a wonderful man. And I am looking forward to spending some time with you in next month. We has agreed that you would tell your (wife/ex-wife) in February about us. I acknowledge that you were not able to find the time but it means it has not happened. So, I need a week to think about things." This was after a 2 year relationship. It has been 9 days since sent this text. Did not want to talk to him as he would put on his charm etc. Do, I need to follow up an say clearly that its over or leave it. I do not have any intention of contacting him again. I am repulsed by what he did. He has not tried contacting me. I have not deleted him from my Skype contacts for the fear he would do something to spoil my reputation. What should I do?
Thanks for your question.

At this point it does seem like you've said everything you need to say, and I can understand why you'd be hesitant to contact him again. He knows how you feel, and he knows that he needed to take some action if you were going to be happy in this relationship. I agree that most likely if he had talked to his wife/ex-wife and resolved the problems you were hoping for, he would have contacted you. I would still think that he could attempt to contact you if he feels like he wanted to talk about some of these problems.

Right now it seems like you have done your part. If you feel like you need to contact him again and let him know that it's over so that you can have some closure yourself, that is understandable. At the same time, if you are worried that he would do something to spoil your reputation, then the easiest thing to do may be to just not contact him anymore and let this go. It's a shame for things to end this way, but I respect the fact that you stood up for yourself and set some boundaries. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you so much. All the manipulation and lies, controlling has left me very insecure. There have been rumours about other girls. He himself reads out texts from other girls - sometimes even sexual. It disgusts me and never understood why he did it until I read about narcissistic personality disorder and their victims.

No problem, I'm glad I could help. If you wouldn't mind leaving me a positive review I'd appreciate it. Manipulation and lies are enough to make anyone feel very insecure, and it sounds like he gave you some very good reasons to feel that way. The behavior you've described does sound very narcissistic, and if that's the case, you are probably better off keeping your distance rather than trying to reason with him. As you may already know, it's very difficult to have a rational conversation with someone who is narcissistic, and in that way sometimes the best thing to do really is to just walk away. Hang in there and good luck with everything,

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