My wife has always had anger issues. Now that we have our child who is 7 months old, our world has fallen apart. She kicked me out, said she doesn't love me anymore and said that the extreme anger she usually gets that last 2 or 3 days has lasted for about 3 weeks now.
She was molested at the age of 5 and we both think this is the key to her anger issues. I'm afraid that it could possible be serious like a bipolar issue. The extreme in personality is so severe. Thank you
I would like to help you with your question.
I am so sorry this is happening. Your wife
's anger issues seem very serious.
Has she ever seen a therapist?
No she hasn't.
Has she done anything to address this...anger management classes?
And the molestation....what has she done to address this?
Not yet, I have her talked into seeing her doctor on Tuesday
I imagine you are talking about a physician...is that correct?
As far as I know I'm only 1 of 2 people she's ever told. The other being her sister
Will you be going with her to see the physician?
We have been together for a total of 4 years and married for 2.
I want to, but I'm not sure yet if she wants me to.
Do you think she will be honest in telling the physician exactly what has transpired...the anger that lasts several days...the molestation...and so forth...
Have you asked her if you can be with her?
That is why I want to go, I'm scared she will just give her recent events and not the whole story.
It takes courage to face the abuse and pain she has experienced. The anger is destructive...to her, to you, to your child.
She described it to me as a feeling boiling up from her stomach all the way to her head. And that it doesn't go away.
If she says no, I would encourage you to be waiting in the lobby for her and to do your best to go into the meeting with her.
Yes...I understand what she is saying...
And ... she truly does need help to manage her feelings...and to do what she can to understand and work through this horrible pain.
I remember it was always pretty bad, something small would turn into a big fight. Its like she becomes an evil version of her self. This would last at least a day if not 2. Now with the added stress of the baby the lack of sleep, its like she hit the tipping point
And..yes..you may be very right that with the lack of sleep, the possibility of post partum depression...the anger may be more significant.
This is why she needs an evaluation and probably both medication and therapy.
I've not been perfect either, after the baby its been very hard to give her the attention and affection that she honestly needs.
I can appreciate your willingness to include yourself in this...but the reality is that her anger is very, very destructive.
Certainly you have a role in what has happened...and that is why I encourage you to be in the appointment with her.
You know, she kicked me out of the house 4 weeks ago now and its been very hard for me to deal with this as well. She told me that she doesn't know how to feel happiness and she feels lost in herself.
She needs you not only for support, but also to ensure that she is completely honest in talking about what has happened.
I am wondering if she isn't suffering from post partum depression. Have you considered this?
She says she feels like she needs find herself but I'm afraid without help she will stay lost.
I agree...she needs help. A psychologist is likely the best person that could help her right now.
That is my first response to all that has happened. The love we have has been so strong and then it just goes away. Its hard for me to understand.
I'm hoping the first step is for to except medication if its given. Then talk to her about counseling of some kind.
Yes..I imagine it is hard to understand. From what you have written...it is like she is two different people...and that cannot be easy to make sense of.
Its just very hard to understand how someones love can just go away when we have such a young family.
Yes...medication may be in order. And therapy is going to be able to address the abuse and the anger issues.
It may be more that the love is being buried under all that anger.
So that by getting help with her anger..she will be able to get back in touch with the joy, love and happiness that are present in her life.
Thats also a fear. I've thought about a disorder such a bipolar. She has told me time and time again how she has always had trouble expressing her emotions and how she buries them deep.
When we feel angry...we lose often lose sight of any positive feelings.
Her inability to express her emotions likely comes from the abuse she suffered as a child.
And the way it comes over her, like a wave. She told me that she extreme anger lasted almost two weeks this time. And that its suppressed right now but not gone.
I feel very sad for her...what she is experiencing is very painful.
She desperately needs help!
And she has been spending time going out and drinking with her friends. She says the alcohol makes her forget the pain. I told her thats a very dangerous path and could easily turn into a problem
I agree with you. Relying on alcohol is very dangerous!
A very poor choice on her part...
I think thats why such agreed to go to the dr. She knows this isn't the path to any type of recovery. And she's always been a very good person. No drug use in her past. But know she wants to bury these feelings anyway she can.
I am very glad she agreed to see her physician. This is the first step in her getting her life back in order. Please consider going with her..or as I said...meeting her in the lobby and going in with her.
Another thing that bothers me is she knows that I love her. So she knows she can take advantage of me if she feels the need to. She constantly call me to come back home to help with the baby, or ask me to take with me. And I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do or not. But I told her that this is what she has chosen and she can't just call me home when she needs me. Its very hard for me to tell her no.
You have an investment in her health..you love her..and you have a child that needs her parents.
Yes, thank you
Is there any last thing I can do to help you this evening.
You've given me peace of mind and a plan.
Very good. It has been my honor to help you.
Do I get a copy of our conversation
Yes. Our chat is saved under your account and you can print it off or come back to read it anytime.
Thank you very much.
You are welcome!