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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5250
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My boyfriend and I have a 4 year old. If it wasnt for her I know I wouldnt be

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My boyfriend and I have a 4 year old. If it wasn't for her I know I wouldn't be with him.He likes to talk to old girlfriends like say one of them text him in a flirty way and he replies with "hi sexy momma". Makes me so mad.He also loves to check out every pretty woman or girl around. He says that its like a nice car, he looks at it but doesn't go buy one.He also don't care about my feelings. I cant stand it if he watches something on tv with a lot of naked woman in it.he says I am not normal,its just tv.What should I do?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your boyfriend is putting his own desires ahead of your feelings. When you are in a relationship, your partner is supposed to come first.

Your boyfriend telling other women that they are sexy is an insult to you. His desire is supposed to be directed at you. He may have these feelings about other women, but how he handles that is very important. If he feels your relationship is his focus, he will refrain from telling someone what he thinks. But if he puts himself first and doesn't care about your feelings, then he will do what he wants like he is now.

Looking at undressed women anywhere, including on TV, is never a good idea in a relationship. It often makes you feel cheated on because your partner is being turned on sexually by an image that is not you, but someone else. Any sexual feelings about another person, even if they are not in person, is demeaning to the relationship and to the other partner. It says that the sex in the relationship is not enough and there needs to be something else. And if you have self esteem issues already, seeing your partner view these other women is going to make you question yourself even more.

It is ok to tell your partner that you feel this way and that you want his behavior to stop. It is important that you have a chance to express yourself and have your side heard. Let him know that he would not like you doing the same with other men and he should not do this with other women. Hopefully, your partner is willing to be understanding and supportive. Men may always want to look because they are visual in their sexuality, but it does not mean they need to actively seek sexual experiences outside of their relationship. And making your partner realize that is vital because it impacts how you feel about how important you are in the relationship. However, if he will not listen, then he is forcing you to decide if staying in the relationship is worth it for you and your daughter. Because his behavior not only bothers you but it will also harm your daughter and her view of how men see women.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate




May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thank you. He always tells me that he sold the other house for me and build me a new one. He always says he is not flirting he is just friendly.He tells me that I have low self esteem and I need help.He says he gave up all his friends for me. He tells me I never changed at all. Only him. I was married before for 13 years. I do admit of cheating on my husband and after that my husband did it to me and that was the end of it.My mistake was that I was open about everything and tod him what I did and that that was the wrong thing to do.So here and then he brings that up and says how bad I was and he never did that. He was never married and has no kids.Lots of partying and I als found in the beginning a lot of pics of poolpartys at his house and a lot of nacked girls in it. I guess my question is also does that make him a sexadict? Even if he doesn't cheat.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome!

Being friendly is saying hello and stopping at that, not saying something about a person sexually. By blaming you for being bothered by his behavior, he is avoiding taking responsibility and trying to get you to focus on yourself as the issue, which you are not. It sounds like he is using your past with your husband as an excuse for his own behavior.

He could be a sex addict, it's hard to say without knowing his behavior. But it certainly sounds like he is not being faithful to you emotionally even if he doesn't cheat physically.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Do you think there is anything I can do to make him see what he does to me? He has friends were the woman actually don't care if there husbands go to strip clubs. They even go with them. I cant understand that. His biggest issue with me is that I don't trust him. How can I .This relationship makes me tiered and sick. I am scared to start all over again I am going to be 42 this month. Its hard.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
It is hard, I know. You can talk with him and ask him to go to counseling with you. Sometimes a person will listen to someone neutral like a therapist when they won't listen to someone close to them. However, if he refuses to see the issue is about his behavior, there is no way to force him to change. The only thing you can do is try to talk to him about how you feel. If he won't listen, then you will need to decide how you want to respond.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5250
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you so much for the positive rating and very generous bonus! I appreciate it. Hang in there. You are in a difficult situation. But keep in mind, you are not the cause of what he is doing, no matter your background. You are doing the right thing by questioning his behavior and motivations.

My best to you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thank you so much! You are a big help and I will for sure contact you again.


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

It would be great to hear from you again! Just put "For Kate" in front of your new question so it is directed to me and I will answer as soon as possible. Take care.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


My boyfriend wrote you yesterday and I am a little upset. His name is XXXXX XXX he wrote you half the story. I like to ad the rest. He numbered all the problems and I will tell you the rest to them.


1. The last time he went to watch a football game , he went to a place called "Third Base".Worse than Hooters.


2. Sorry,but he does look at all that.He does check out the 16 year old, through the blinds upstairs.I am not imagining that.


3.Spartacus,omg.Check it out.Very bad. Does he thin because he watches it in a different room its ok? No respect for me.


4.Yes, I do hate his twin brother.Terry left out why.I will tell you.He always tries to hook Terry up with other woman. In a co incident they ended up in Vegas at the same time.Tom found out and texted Terry a msg like," Hey terry,what r u doing tonight? I have a date I can bring you one too.".He also has a friend who shoots photos for magazines. Naked pics of girls,they r taken at his house. He likes to invide terry over for that.Terry doesn't go,as far as I know,but thinks there would be nothing wron with it.He isn't doing anything,just look.So no respect from tom.Yes I do not show him any respect.He doesn't deserve it. I do not try to control his family. His parents live 3 h away and every time he want to see them I go. No questions asked.His friends? Please. One of them is a cheater.His girlfriend doesn't know.He mide not do it anymore but I know he did.He makes me sick.She trusts him.And most of the others are single.


5.Yes, he gave me the passwords for everything but changed it when he seen I do check. So he gave them to me but I shouldn't use them? Confused! He got mad. Yes I did found things, like a Strip club.He said his customers wanted him to take them there. Maybe so,but it still hurts.Texting someone or texting a text back to a ex, like " Hi saexy momma" big difference. One night we had a fight. I left. In the morning I found a sex talk with one of his exes on facebook. Sick. He acted like a baby. He said ,well we broke up last night I didnt do anything wrong


6. Sorry, staying in contact with those ex girlfriends is a nono for me.Yes one was married when he fooled around with her.I also didn't make him sell the house.All I wanted was a new couch due to the picture I found of a women with her legs wide open with no panties on.Really?


7. All the counselor we seen told me to leave him.


For you to tell him that you think I am a Schizophrenic makes me sick. I am normal. I know I am .Now what do you have to say?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
I'm happy to answer any follow up questions you may have that pertain to your original question. However, this is a new question requiring a different answer. Just Answer prefers that you open a new question page for new questions. This ensures that you get the best possible answers to your questions.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Does that mean I have to write all this again?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
I'm going over to the new question to answer.

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