I would like to help you with your question.
I can understand why you would be upset by your behavior...and why this would trigger a recurrence of anxiety.
What it sounds like is that essentially your conscience is getting to you...telling you that you are a "bad" person for having cheated on your girlfriend. Each of us set rules about our behavior... calling some actions good/right and others bad/wrong. By engaging in a sexual act with another girl, you broke your own rules and now you are suffering emotionally because of this.
Did you tell your girlfriend? Is that what you are worried about...that she will find out what you did?
What are you worried about?
So what makes you anxious?
Do you mean that you are worried she will get pregnant? That you will get a sexually transmitted disease?
Would you feel better if you got testing?
Even though he didn't recommend it...you could ask for it.
Who cares what they think! The important thing is what you think...what you need. If you need the reassurance that testing will provide...then by all means go back to the doctor and tell him that you want the testing.
I'm reading through and thinking through what you wrote.
I do think the situation with the girl did bring on the anxiety.
Where is your level of anxiety today?
Explain what she means by "losing it"?
Were you taking the celexa for the anxiety?
Why do you think you got so upset by the incident with this woman?
Or is some of what you are feeling about breaking up with your girlfriend?
You do seem excessively worried about this incident.
Would you consider seeing a psychologist to get some support and help.
I really think this is what you need to do in order to sort this out and get back in control of your life.
There are other medications that don't impact sexual functioning...but I do understand why you would not want to try medication.
That's why seeing a therapist is a better strategy...
These are the reasons why I think you would benefit from seeing a psychologist...to be able to take a look at all the things that happened and how to move on from this in a healthy way.
I don't think the choice you made to have sex was this woman was so terrible....it was a poor choice...yes...but it wasn't so terrible that you should suffer from it the rest of your life.
Making better life choices is an important goal for you. I applaud you for your willingness to do this.
And yes...you should not be so overwhelmed with worry.
Try to focus on the moment and not go back to the past. What happened happened. Today is a new day...with new opportunities...and the chance to make good choices.
I do think that getting therapy would be very beneficial for you. Worrying as you do is not healthy...
Good...having positive thoughts is important...it helps to give direction to your day.
Yes...I agree that you the confidence that would come with a clean bill of health after testing.
Please consider going back to your doctor and asking for the testing.
Seems to me you have a higher level of anxiety then is appropriate for what happened.
You seem unable to forgive yourself for a quite normal act...and are worried excessively about your physical health.
Yes...it is repairable.
The two things I encourage you to do are:
1. Go back to your physician and ask for a full work-up.
2. Get an appointment with a psychologist to address your anxiety and worry.
The sooner you get in therapy...the better. Right now your imagination is running wild and you believe that you might get a std. And..you are going to keep worrying and making your self sick until you get some help.
Well...on the one hand you have matured with age...and things hold different meaning then in the past. You see the world through the eyes of someone with more wisdom and experience.
At the same time this encounter with the girl left you feeling scared about your physical health and your anxiety got triggered again.
So...it's like a domino effect..one thing leading to another.
That's why I suggested two things...the physician and the psychologist.
NO...anxiety is not being weak. Anxiety is about fear...
Many, many people experience anxiety attacks. Some take medication to deal with it, others take medication and go to therapy, others go to therapy alone.
It is a serious issue in our society and it has nothing to do with being weak.
Perhaps it would be helpful for you to do some reading on the subject so you have a better handle on what it all means.
Knowledge is power. And the more you know about anxiety the better it will be.
Yes...and that's a wonderful goal.
Is there any last thing I can help you with this evening?
Sounds like a wonderful plan.
Please read up on anxiety...I think that will be very beneficial as well.
Journaling, reading, exercising, meditation, yoga...
All will be helpful in calming down your mind and getting you focused on positive behaviors.
Go out ... have some fun. St. Pat's would be a good time to be around others!
Hopefully you will be back to those behaviors soon.
Unfortunately, you will need to be patient...but if you keep your eye on the prize you will reach your goals!
The good news is that you have a track record of success! And that says you can beat this again!!!
I will say good night now. I wish you the best!
The treadmill is a good idea! Maybe put on some good music or put on an interesting TV program...this might keep you extra distracted.