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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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Hey Im experiencing some anxiety

Customer Question

Hey I'm experiencing some anxiety lately over an act I committed back in December.

At that time, on December 21, 2012, I had a fallout with my girlfirend and I committed a sexual act with a different girl. I am beeting myself up thinking of the what ifs almost every day to the point it's kind of anxiously haunting me it seems.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

I can understand why you would be upset by your behavior...and why this would trigger a recurrence of anxiety.

Dr. L :

What it sounds like is that essentially your conscience is getting to you...telling you that you are a "bad" person for having cheated on your girlfriend. Each of us set rules about our behavior... calling some actions good/right and others bad/wrong. By engaging in a sexual act with another girl, you broke your own rules and now you are suffering emotionally because of this.

Dr. L :

Did you tell your girlfriend? Is that what you are worried about...that she will find out what you did?

Customer : No.
Dr. L :

What are you worried about?

Customer : We broke up right after new years
Dr. L :

Okay.

Dr. L :

So what makes you anxious?

Customer : Honestly, even though I had protected sex, I'm anxious over just the worst happening to me, because of this incident
Dr. L :

Do you mean that you are worried she will get pregnant? That you will get a sexually transmitted disease?

Customer : As a punishment. I mean every physical symptom I'm experiencing, seems to think something is physically wrong with me, even though I went to the Doc and he didn't reccomend any testing
Dr. L :

Would you feel better if you got testing?

Dr. L :

Even though he didn't recommend it...you could ask for it.

Customer : Possibly, Idk.
Customer : I feel like the doctor and staff will think I'm crazy
Customer : Lately, I've just been feeling tense, and honestly, that's not who I am at all. I
Dr. L :

Who cares what they think! The important thing is what you think...what you need. If you need the reassurance that testing will provide...then by all means go back to the doctor and tell him that you want the testing.

Customer : I used to exercise 6 days a week. Went out, lived a normal life, care-free. felt invinsible.
Customer : THen at 23, I started feeling anxiety after stupidity of taking sports supplements and started getting palputations. Then had anxiety attacks
Customer : after getting medical tests, found out i was fine, then doc had me take celexa 10mg for 3 months , then weened off. FELT AMAZING and back to my reg. self again.
Customer : until now.
Customer : My concern is, I hope this is just the only thing fueling my anxiety
Customer : I feel like I'm being weak and not the man I know I am.
Customer : ?
Dr. L :

I'm reading through and thinking through what you wrote.

Customer : Thanks. Sorry.
Dr. L :

I do think the situation with the girl did bring on the anxiety.

Customer : I mean some days I think I;m fine, dominate the day positively. Today is not one of those days.
Dr. L :

Where is your level of anxiety today?

Customer : My mom thinks I'm losing it sometimes and she knows its not my real self
Dr. L :

Explain what she means by "losing it"?

Customer : woke up tense. relaxed as work went on throughtout the day. Gave an important presentation no probllem.
Customer : then I get that bloated feeling in my stomach and anxiety kicks in
Dr. L :

Were you taking the celexa for the anxiety?

Customer : Yes for about 3-4 months. Then weaned off it because I did well. then went a year or so without any issues. back to self.
Dr. L :

Why do you think you got so upset by the incident with this woman?

Dr. L :

Or is some of what you are feeling about breaking up with your girlfriend?

Customer : I mean, it was an incident that occurred with my firends sisters friend.
Customer : However, I normally get to know a girl before I sleep with them, I guess trust and assumption
Customer : Yes. that too. I mean, I don't mean to make excuses for my act, but she basically analyzed me for things I could not do, and didn't seem to appreciate what I did for her. And this conversation took affect 2 days before I had this sexual encounter with another girl
Customer : When my mom says "Losing it" just my ability to handle things. Like I've seemed weak and nervous about too many things in life.
Customer : Dwelling on the "What Ifs"
Dr. L :

You do seem excessively worried about this incident.

Dr. L :

Would you consider seeing a psychologist to get some support and help.

Customer : I thought about that.
Customer : And yes. It seems like that incident is really effecting me.
Dr. L :

I really think this is what you need to do in order to sort this out and get back in control of your life.

Customer : I mean, everyone tells me I'm a good looking guy and shouldn't have to worry about finding someone else, but then I think about that night and just falter.
Customer : I have trouble getting to the gym anymore which sucks.
Customer : I don't want to be put on medication. That was just horrible. When I was in a relationship, it affected my ability in the bedroom. Made me feel like that was something not good for you to take.
Dr. L :

There are other medications that don't impact sexual functioning...but I do understand why you would not want to try medication.

Dr. L :

That's why seeing a therapist is a better strategy...

Customer : I mean, part of my main concern, was the incident and suffering a life threatening disease from it.
Customer : But for some reason, I keep ignoring the sexual education, and that I practiced safe sex.
Customer : I even went and spoke to my mother about the situation. And she says I just need to foreget and move on. I've tried that and can do it for a few days, maybe a week even. However, it finds it way back.
Customer : And I know i'm not a terrible person. I just feel others may not pertrieve me that way if they found out what I did
Dr. L :

These are the reasons why I think you would benefit from seeing a psychologist...to be able to take a look at all the things that happened and how to move on from this in a healthy way.

Customer : The more I think of it, the more I think I need to make better life choices.
Customer : It seems I think too much. I mean, I don't want to live completely fear less, Like i was, but I don't wanna be too worrisome
Dr. L :

I don't think the choice you made to have sex was this woman was so terrible....it was a poor choice...yes...but it wasn't so terrible that you should suffer from it the rest of your life.

Dr. L :

Making better life choices is an important goal for you. I applaud you for your willingness to do this.

Dr. L :

And yes...you should not be so overwhelmed with worry.

Customer : i know.
Customer : I beat myself up over stupid things. I mean, I felt so much better and anxiety free 2 days ago, that I built up the confidence to ask out another girl .
Customer : felt good then, and yesterday. Now today, Idk .
Dr. L :

Try to focus on the moment and not go back to the past. What happened happened. Today is a new day...with new opportunities...and the chance to make good choices.

Dr. L :

I do think that getting therapy would be very beneficial for you. Worrying as you do is not healthy...

Customer : I tell myself every day that.
Dr. L :

Good...having positive thoughts is important...it helps to give direction to your day.

Customer : I know. I think the back of my mind, I worry about my health and may need a physical test to prove that
Dr. L :

Yes...I agree that you the confidence that would come with a clean bill of health after testing.

Customer : I mean, where would you rate my fueling of anxiety based on what I've told you? Besides talking to someone.
Dr. L :

Please consider going back to your doctor and asking for the testing.

Dr. L :

Seems to me you have a higher level of anxiety then is appropriate for what happened.

Customer : I mean I know you're no doctor, but every physical symptom I've experienced, I think it's a transmitted disease. My glands neck have swelled the past few weeks, I think of everything worse than something minor
Customer : Is it repairable?
Dr. L :

You seem unable to forgive yourself for a quite normal act...and are worried excessively about your physical health.

Dr. L :

Yes...it is repairable.

Dr. L :

The two things I encourage you to do are:

Customer : I know. I got over it once. I wish I never did this to fuel my anxiety back
Dr. L :

1. Go back to your physician and ask for a full work-up.

Dr. L :

2. Get an appointment with a psychologist to address your anxiety and worry.

Dr. L :

The sooner you get in therapy...the better. Right now your imagination is running wild and you believe that you might get a std. And..you are going to keep worrying and making your self sick until you get some help.

Customer : right. The thing is, and I'm not sure if you can answer this...I've never been like this before.
Customer : I mean, sexually, back in colllege, I had my fair share of encounters, but the rules of education and practicing them, knowlingly, never brought this on.
Customer : Even living every day normal life, anxiety never once crossed my mind. Heck, I was known to be the best amongst my piers in handling stressful events, being calm and cool under pressure.
Customer : In tennis and basketball, big time moments, I was cool under pressure.
Customer : Now, I don't know what happened.
Dr. L :

Well...on the one hand you have matured with age...and things hold different meaning then in the past. You see the world through the eyes of someone with more wisdom and experience.

Dr. L :

At the same time this encounter with the girl left you feeling scared about your physical health and your anxiety got triggered again.

Dr. L :

So...it's like a domino effect..one thing leading to another.

Dr. L :

That's why I suggested two things...the physician and the psychologist.

Customer : right. I mean, do people, like drs and staff, view anxiety as a weakness?
Customer : Bc that's how I feel
Dr. L :

NO...anxiety is not being weak. Anxiety is about fear...

Dr. L :

Many, many people experience anxiety attacks. Some take medication to deal with it, others take medication and go to therapy, others go to therapy alone.

Dr. L :

It is a serious issue in our society and it has nothing to do with being weak.

Dr. L :

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to do some reading on the subject so you have a better handle on what it all means.

Customer : I know. I just want to get back to the ability to handle again .
Dr. L :

Knowledge is power. And the more you know about anxiety the better it will be.

Customer : And I'm going to take your advice and call on monday.
Dr. L :

Yes...and that's a wonderful goal.

Dr. L :

Is there any last thing I can help you with this evening?

Customer : Once I get a better knowledge of how I am physically, I'll go to a session of therapy
Dr. L :

Sounds like a wonderful plan.

Customer : I want to move along with my life back to normality.
Dr. L :

Please read up on anxiety...I think that will be very beneficial as well.

Customer : Yes. since it's a weekend and cannot go do anything about this til monday, what are somethings that can occupy me?
Customer : Theres a big parade event tommrow for st patricks day and I've always attended ,but have been hesitant to go.
Dr. L :

Journaling, reading, exercising, meditation, yoga...

Dr. L :

All will be helpful in calming down your mind and getting you focused on positive behaviors.

Customer : I know. And I used to be fun too. I feel like I've lost that part of my lifer recently.
Dr. L :

Go out ... have some fun. St. Pat's would be a good time to be around others!

Customer : Not that I had an issue with alcohol, but on a weekend, I used to let loose and have fun once a night
Dr. L :

Hopefully you will be back to those behaviors soon.

Customer : I know. And I want it to happen over night.
Customer : And so does my mom. But I don't know if it works like that
Dr. L :

Unfortunately, you will need to be patient...but if you keep your eye on the prize you will reach your goals!

Customer : I know. I beat it the first time. Never thought this would have to be an issue to deal with
Dr. L :

The good news is that you have a track record of success! And that says you can beat this again!!!

Dr. L :

I will say good night now. I wish you the best!

Customer : Thanks you were great help.
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
Dr. L and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Just to keep you updated: Made an appointment with my doctor and left a psychologist a message today. Have an appointment tomorrow. My anxiety is at an all time high right now. Hopefully it improves.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
I'm sorry your anxiety has sky rocketed. That sometimes happens just before booking an appointment as you are unsure what the results will be of the meeting.

I'm going to suggest a book for you to get and use:

Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns

This is a very good book...easy to use...easy to implement. Give it a read...I think ou will find this quite helpful.

In the meantime, think about getting outside and getting a bit of exercise. It also might help to do some deep breathing exercises...if you need help with this let me know.

Thanks for checking back with me! It's terrific that you are motivated to change your life!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Im going try. I feel like this is not healthy and is affecting my life. I hope to do the treadmile tonight to take my mind off things. I did so well Saturday and Sunday, but I felt a lymph node in my neck last night, had a terrible dream and woke up anxious the entire day.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

The treadmill is a good idea! Maybe put on some good music or put on an interesting TV program...this might keep you extra distracted.

 

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Is this much tension bad for my overall health? Is it good I'm going to see a doctor? And if he puts me on meds, do I have to take them?
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
I think this tension is temporary and a response to the extra pressure you are putting on yourself about meeting with your physician.
Yes...it is very, very good that you are seeing your physician. The important thing at this appointment is to tell the physician everything...what happened, what you feel physically, what you feel emotionally, what you fear, what you are doing to keep yourself calm...Only by talking about all of these things will you be able to get the full assessment you need!

If he prescribes medication....ask him to explain why he is prescribing it, what it will do for you, and how long before it will start to take effect.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hey Doc. I went through with my check up.My doctor examined me. My vitals were fine. Said he doesn't reccommend going on anti anxiety medication. Not good for the long term and shouldnt rely on it.

He felt my glands and said he didn't reccomend HIV or STD Testing. He did however test me for mono and that came back negative. I feel a little bit better, but it seemed he kept shying me away from the STD test examinations.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
The physician has a point...the typical medication for anti-anxiety is addictive and so it is better to learn how to manage the anxiety in other ways. Many physicians these days are really concerned about prescribing these meds.

I'm glad all the testing was negative. As to the HIV or STD testing...I think he shied away from this as it is so unlikely that you picked up anything from this girl that he does not want to waste your time..nor his own.

Do you feel that he did a thorough exam and that he listened to what your worries and concerns were?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes I did. And I've still felt a little anxious today, but I just have to remember to trust the judgement of my doctor. He knows more than I do and cannot second guess him. I actually got nervous and thought about buying the FDA oral quick rapid HIV Kit exam test just to make sure Testing would be in my favor.

I have an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow. Hopefully that helps. I've been pretty good from Tuesday until Today, but the anxiety flared up today, but I'm not sure if it was nerves finding out the Mono Test was only for Mono or that the appointment tomorrow has made me nervous, not knowing what to expect.

Otherwise, my vitals were all good and so were my blood pressure.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
Just like your appointment with the physician, you likely are feeling some anxiety about meeting with the psychologist.

I can understand why you might want to buy a kit....however, you are on the right track...trust the doc - he's got years and years of training and experience...if he truly thought there was a reason for testing, he would have ordered it.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I know. im just having trouble sleeping thats all and feel extra anxious and stressed today. Maybe a confirming test will peace my concious who knows.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
How about asking the psychologist for his/her advice?

And...for now...try distracting yourself by reading. A cup of hot chocolate is a great sleep aid. A hot bath is another option.

Take care!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hey you helped me in the past and wanted to let you know, I'm doing a ton better.

I have an issue however. I recently started engaging in a sexual activity with a newer girl. 2 weeks ago, all systems with erection were go. There were some drinks at night and then in the morning, but dont want to get into detail. '

However, sometimes I release some stress by masturbation. Yet, I'm having a hard time getting stimulated just thinking about things during the day. Is tyhis just mental or am I ssubconciously overthinking things?
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello again,
An erection depends on being very, very relaxed...so if thinking about things is creating stress..then yes you might be overthinking and putting too much pressure on yourself. It would be better to focus on relaxing and work to keep your head clear.

What do you think of that?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sounds like something I need to try. I know back in my head it's mental. However when I met this girl 2 weeks ago all systems were 110%. Ago. I did has alcohol in the system that night but in te morning I had no problems.

It just seems with work and all I'm having issues getting stimulated during the day. And aometimes it bothers me bc I like to feel that manly confidence and relieve stress with masterbation which is natural. I don't think it's physical bc well I get them at night and wake up with one in the am.

I hope this doesn't effect me next time. You know?
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
Yes..you don't want to have trouble getting an erection..or keeping an erection.

Alcohol has the ability to relax you...but as the effects of the alcohol wear off what happens is that people feel depressed and down. So...it would be important that you monitor how much alcohol you use and be careful of the depressive effects.

The key point is that you relax, relax, relax.

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