I do not worry about getting pregnant. A couple of months ago, I was thinking maybe we should have a 3rd child when I saw two people I graduated with froom high school that were pregnant. I thought it would be nice to have three children and I love my boys so much. I am blessed to be a mom. I also have my niece who is 7 and is here every weekend. I love having her here and it gives my sister who is a single parent a break since she watches my two boys and has her daughter during the week. When I thought I might be pregnant, I knew my husband and I would get through it and thought of names and who would be the Godparents. But then Thursday night that week when I went to bed, I was crying saying I did not want to be pregnant again. We have it good. I did not want to go through post partum again and I am 39 and the financial burden of having another child. I was also on the internet Thursday looking up ways to prevent postpartum anxiety. I saw how people have their placentas turned to pills and that helped some people. Friday, I felt in a funk and after I spoke with my friend, I felt better. Instead of going to the gym, I went to the store to purchase a pregnancy test. It was negative. I cried from relief and guilt. Then, I got my period and was laughing. I kept telling my husband that if I did not get my period by the weekend, then I would get a pregnancy test. I kept telling my husband I did not feel pregnant.
Do I worry about getting pregnant? No. Just the one time, my husband came before putting on a condom. Otherwise, we use a condom and he is getting a vasectomy. We talked about this before all this happened because he hates condoms and I really do not care to take birth control pills or have an IUD even though they are hormone free. Today, I cleaned the one level of my house. Sometimes cleaning is therapeutic to me. I tell my husband when I am sitting on the house and not seeing all the toys on the floor, I feel more calm. Although, I also tell myself that when I see the toys they will not be there forever. This is a house that has kids with too many toys. This phase in life of the kids being young goes by in a heart beat. I just am frustrated that the symptons of anxiety came- not able to sleep, eat, racing thoughts, and chest pressure. However, each day it is getting better. I am eating. I am sleeping but with the help of medication. I was able to focus and clean. Sometimes, I like to sit down with a good book and other there days I just want to do things. I think I am normal. I just want to make sure I am on the path to getting better. I believe I am. I have trust in my doctor. But sometimes when I feel that pressure in my chest, I think maybe I am not getting better, maybe I need another opinion. I scheduled my physical because I just want to make sure all is well with me. This anxiety scared me but I still went out for my birthday even though I wanted to sit home. I still went to my cousin's baby shower even though none of my sister in laws or other family members were going. I still kept up with working out. I did not call in sick to work even though I felt sometimes like I just wanted to be locked away until I was all better. I joke that I am going to have a talkk with God when I see him in Heaven. I want to ask him why humans have to deal with mental illness of any sort and why women have to deal with hormones. We should all be on Earth just to enjoy the life you gave us annd have fun. But that is for another topic.
Penny- is there anything I should do? I know I cannot worry about preventing this. I am a little worried that it has been since February 1st since I had my period. I am thinking it will come back once I am fully steady but of course, I will ask my psychiatrist and my primary care physician when I see her at the end of this month for my physical.
I have a lot to look forward too. My sister had a baby boy that I will be his Godmother. I am going on a 5 day European cruise with a friend in April. I will miss my husband and kids like crazy but to see the history will be great. I have a family cruise at the end of this year. Life is good. I need to focus on that and not when I have a chest pain.
Thank you so much! Joanne