How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. L Your Own Question

Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1165
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. L is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My new husband has LT 108 is his number, normal is 110+, he

Resolved Question:

My new husband has LT 108 is his number, normal is 110+, he doesn't handle any business in bedroom and has no interest. If I try to fondle him he will block my hand, he pulls himself in his sleep, and I have caught him with his hands in pants, he was unaware he does it, he says he likes the sensation.


He has had insomia for years, and can't sleep through the night, very mild sleep apnea we had checked out, the doctor sent him to a therapist for insomia he didn't go.


 


He comes home on time, no affair at least not physical with his ed. I think he is voyeur as he looks online at porn but denies it, and browses online dating site where we met and denies it.


He doesn't stay hard for long, we tried cialis couple of times were good, he would prefer natural. He is 50 excellent health doctor says and he hasn't had sex in past 8 years due to inability to stay hard so he avoided women and dating. We were in a long distance relations this past March 2012 and marrried July 2012 and now are not doing anything. I'm 52 and trhiving when I have my hormonal cream. His mother was abusive, father left at 10, she had many boyfriends while his father was overseas, and the kids had to fend for themselves, never got much attention, basically raised themselves no drugs, no smoke, no drink, stays to himself, doesn't hangout with men, texts can't see them but suspect he is texting others, don't know.   if he is gay and fighting it for years maybe a strong maybe as his own mother called him on it, provides well, speaks well , works hard. Dr. is putting him on hormonal cream, interesting my needs aren't being met, I'm sympathetic to issue and it is a hard issue to discuss when we do, why wouldn't a husband satisfy his wife in anyway? He moved me acrosss the country west coast to east coast, looks like another love tko my first marriage. He did tell me of his ED I thought it was a passing thing for his age and thought viagra or cialis will take care of it. Unknowingly celibate wife heading to divorce court.XXX@XXXXXX.XXX for your response. He or I have no kids.


 


He goes to work and home, some exercise but not really living life, I'm over the top and in a new area trying to get settled the last 3 months.  He is ashamed he can't  do much, his first wife lasted 4 months and locked him out of home 1996, he went into 5 yr depression, then I come along happy go lucky me, we love each other and have differences it's how you choose to handle them.  Waiting for your reply 

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

I can understand why you would feel disappointed in your new husband and be concerned about the lack of sexual intimacy. You wrote that the cialis worked, but he would prefer natural.

Dr. L :

That's all well and fine that he would PREFER it...but if he NEEDS it to get and maintain an erection..then what stops him from taking it??

Dr. L :

If his physician is going to put him on a hormonal cream...then it's worth a little patience to see if that works. If he refuses to use it, well then it's back to wondering why he is unwilling to do all he can to have a healthy sexual life with you.

Dr. L :

You wrote that you suspect he is texting others...who do you think he is texting? Other women? Other men?

Dr. L :

Do you really think he might be gay?

Dr. L :

I see you left a phone number. Please note that JustAnswer does not allow Experts to call customers and your number has been crossed out so that I cannot read it. The only way we can communicate is through this website.

Dr. L :

I await your response.

Dr. L :

Thank you.

Customer:

Hi Dr L

Customer:

Hi ,

Customer:

Thank you for your response, maybe a little more patience is needed. I don't really believe he is gay, guess I said it to just try to understand why a husband would not touch his beautiful wife. If the tables were turned, I would never let my husband go without . I will have a heart to heart with myself and him. I didn't sign up for celibacy in a marriage.

Customer:

I will give the cream some time to work, if he doesn't turn around then we will be in counseling. I take my vows seriously, and will try all options. I never had a problem with men, this is a first for me and hard for me to understand.

Customer:

Texting, I don't have access to his phone, I suspect it's other women, he doesn't have many friends. He doesn't have male friends that he talks about , he is pretty private and stays to himself. I might be wrong, if your spouse isn't attending to your needs, your first thought is affair, cyber affair, emotional connection is weak. He says he loves me, and he does a pretty good job with finances, working, taking overtime if offered, providing for me, there's just sleep in the bedroom.

Dr. L :

 


Hello,

Dr. L :

At best, XXXXX XXXXX a baffling situation and you raise such an important question...if he loves you, provides for you and is an attentive and caring husband...then what gives in the bedroom?

Dr. L :

As I said earlier...if the cialis worked...why not keep up with that? Now you have the cream to try. If he is willing to use this and it works...that would be wonderful! If it doesn't work...or he isn't even willing to give it a reasonable try...then counseling would be your best option.

Dr. L :

I understand your position about giving this marriage a fair shot and not giving up until you have attempted to pursue all available options. I also like your idea of having a heart to heart with him and putting it all on the table. You are absolutely correct...you did not sign up for celibacy! And you are unwilling to spend the rest of your life as a celibate woman.

Dr. L :

You are also right in saying that when there is little to no sex in the marriage that the first thing the partner thinks is that an affair of some kind is taking place. What I have found in my 30 years of practice as a psychologist is that most often the loss of sexual intimacy often has very little to do with the couple itself and most often is about one's own feeling of inadequacy, shame and an inability to feel emotionally safe enough to share these feelings. You state that your husband is a very private man, doesn't have many friends, and stays to himself. This would indicate to me that he may have significant trouble expressing his true feelings with you.

Dr. L :

This is why therapy may be beneficial for both of you.

Dr. L :

I wish you the best!

Dr. L :

Please let me know if there is any more I can help you with.

Dr. L :

Thank you!

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1165
Experience: Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
Dr. L and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education