I'm at a total loss. My name is XXXXX XXXXX step mother and mother of 3 children, 2 very happy toddlers and stepson Raiden. My toddlers are typical toddlers, one is gifted and the other has a personality of 10 people. And then there is my step son. Ive known raiden since he was 2, he is now almost 8. Problems really started happening around 4/5. Talking back, rudeness, and lying about abuse etc. We have him half time between his mother and us, shes a well rounded woman with 4 kids. Raiden is very much complicated. But he doesn't seem to be acting like a normal 8 yr old- or maybe i'm over thinking it. When raiden was little he was very spoiled by his grandparents who gave him everything- please dont take the word lightly i do mean exactly that. It caused alot of problems with tantrums and screaming and was one of the worst struggles we had to endure. When Raiden was 4 he told us that his step father was beating him - he also apparently told his mother we were doing the same. It sent my husband into a rage that i was able to defuse. This apparently went on back and forth for 3 more years, i'm shocked dss wasnt called. Anyway, when raiden was five his brother, on his mothers side, and sister, on our side, were born. He had a very hard time adjusting to his sister being born, i'm not sure about his brother. He would take toys from her all the time, they werent even his old toys. the next year 2 more siblings were added (he was now 6.5/7), one on each side of the family. By now tattling has become a serious issue and the lying about what each home was doing was putting everyone at everyone elses throats. The houses despised each other. Me and my husband would argue every other night about him. He would order me around like a maid, walk away from me when i was talking to him, rolling his eyes, complained about everything- food ext., cried about homework, cried if he had to eat something he didnt want for dinner, cried if he didnt get his way when he wanted to do something, and told my husband i said things i didn't, told us his sister said things she didn't (shut up ext.), purposely ignored us and was acting out in school ( he ended up failing and repeating the grade). Last year in february Raiden confessed that he wanted to hang his sisters. This caught my husband off guard and he asked if raiden knew what that meant, he did
. My husband then explained death, i dont know to what extent this was talked about- my husband hid it from me and let it slip out some time mid may. I lost all trust in the children being alone together. Then One day raiden had come home and was having another (yet again) off day. My husband confronted him about his behavior and asked him "do you act like this at mommys house?" he replied no. That promped my husband to ask why not? Raiden then told his father it was because his mom spanks him a lot and for no reason. By now i was on my last string of my husband giving raiden sympathy for something i doubt was to be true. So I called his mother. She was shocked and disturbed to here the accusation he had told. It turned out the punishment she normally gave him was a timeout in a corner because we were so hard on him all the time. He told her we never let him play with his sisters (this was false they played everyday we had him), That we punished him all the time (was also not true because he manipulated my husband into feeling bad for him), that he had no toys (5 toy bins a bike skate board and 2 scooters), and that we made him watch us play video games (he has a DSxl, a wii and xbox he has full access to, and i dont play video games- so that struck a nerve) and that we were mean and hit him (he had his hand smacked ONCE when he was 3). He also told his mother that his father liked him more than his sisters and he always gave him attention and why didnt she do that and that she doesn't love him. Which was comical because just days before he told his father he never spends time with him and his mom does. Anyway, this sent us into a fit. He lost all his toys and had to earn them back with good behavior and he gained 'chores' to teach him responsibility. This worked for some months. The lying stopped, communication between both houses got better, he started listening and grades picked up. Things were perfect. Then it started again. First white lies seem to be popping up gradually, the first few times i wasn't aware of- he was warned by my husband (who knows how many times). Then grades started to slip as well as chores and homework productivity. He started to whine again (about meals and being bored ext.)- Its all back. We started taking away toys again, not working, its now been 4 months since it started back up again. He's arguing about everything he can, just straight up ignoring our instructions and doing what he pleases. he lies at least once a week about little things (example: giving his dad trash from his room and saying he made it for him), and does things with minimal effort. help!