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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5785
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi. I am sort of at my wits end. OKMH35211 POST-answer

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Hi. I am sort of at my wit's end. I got involved in a D/s relationship and I loved it, I was so happy. I hope you don't think it's weird, but it was a Daddy/little girl dynamic. I have never been so happy, sexually or emotionally. A few weeks ago I found out that he was also involved with a friend of mine, and I asked for a break. It was torturous for me. I cried all the time, I missed him so much. We reconciled over the weekend and almost immediately another friend told me she was involved with him too. I am devastated. I can't eat, sleep, or work. I have had other breakups before but I've never been so unhappy. I have even considered going back to old, unhealthy habits for relief. I miss him so much. No one has ever made me feel so safe, and it was all a lie. How can I move on? I'm worried that all D/ s relationships are like this.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like this relationship was helping you get your needs met before you found out what your partner was doing. When two people get together, they often bring their unmet needs and unresolved issues into the new relationship. And when you can get these needs met, the relationship feels great. But sometimes, as in the case of your partner, it sounds like he is unable to cope with getting his needs met in a normal relationship. He may have only had examples of bad relationships in his past so he does not know how to stay in a monogamous relationship and deal with what he feels.

No relationship, no matter the type, is exactly the same. So if you felt you had your needs met by this type of relationship, then it most likely is a matter of you finding the right person to be with who does not have the same issues as your current partner.

Working through a loss such as a deep and meaningful relationship is a matter of letting yourself experience all the emotions that come up as a result. You may feel sad, angry or lonely. Learning more about the grieving process can help. Here are some resources to help:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201110/transition-through-loss-what-you-need-know-when-significant-relationship-ends

Remember to be good to yourself and allow for good days and bad. You will work through this and find happiness with someone who can make you happy.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
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