Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am the Moderator for this topic. Steve is not available right now, but I have sent him a message to follow up with you here, when he comes back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience!
I know there are moments in your job that are wonderful, such as when you bring people literally back from death...but the stress of watching a baby less than 3 months old die has to affect you big time. You are a mother of two and one is just a little older than this baby. Sometimes I think the work you do should require a psychiatric check up every few weeks,a nd so not think I am kidding. This is the stuff that triggers PTSD and ASD in emergency workers. That baby dying was horrible.
About milestones...and babies. Those milestones are only guidelines. (Ever read that miserable book, What to Expect when your Expecting?...It should be burned to the last copy for the anxiety it causes preganant and new mothers.) My oldest was like Andrew and turned out extremely athletic and gifted in movement and coordination. I am sure your son is the same way. Plus he is strong and many of those milestones have to do with physical strength, as well as brain readiness. There are no down and fast rules on this. So: He did it and good for him! Now, if he would only toilet train so fast!
I am glad that the repair shop agreed to roll in the costs of the deductible. That is also good news and I think your mom is just a worrier. What is going to happen with that? They are not going to report you to the insurance commission or something. Plus they would be reporting themselves.
Keep me updates on the chairs. I would be so angry about this and I can't imagine what you are feeling. Touch up on new chairs? That is just wrong.
I am sure that the Honda people can make any sort of deal happen. No money down just means more money to pay on the lease or an extension of it. It is just finance magic and they will make it happen. They want to move cars.
And the cleaning service...agreed. You are just slammed on the schedule. You need some help. Your family isn't going to do it, so I see no reason to not get some help if you can afford it.
Few things are as scary as driving an ill fated and not well maintained car on a freeway. The rotors are clearly warped and the alignment is off and the tires sound like they are out of balance and the door latch broken...oh yeah, new car time. The new Accord 4 cylinder is wonderful. I think she would love it.
I am used to your one liners, but I have to admit that the last man on earth comment for dr a made me laugh. That is a good one. Wow, he seems so insecure. Everyone is talking about him? "Oh yes dr a we talk about you a lot". (If he only knew about what topics he might think twice about asking such drizzle) And making men work for sex...This is a new concept? Terri seems like a rare one in that she never thought of that. What is her story that she is so naive? I would suggest she hangs around you for a while so you can teach her the ropes of XY manipulation. Steven
hi steve. i just got home and yes it was 130pm. and i have to go back at 6pm. i had to go to the educators triage class cuz shes a bitch. rachel i hate her. such a preppy little good two shoes.
she busted chops over a pt being a level 5 (the lowest level of triage) to a level 4 the second lowest and the pts go to the same clinic area.. anyway it honestly doesnt matter what the level is at that low level and well she failed the whole class. the whole f**king class. i had to stay for the 10am class til 1245 when i sai dlook i need to go. i have to work in 6 hrs and i worked last night. she didnt seem sympathetic cuz shes a bitch.
soem of the questions were super vague leaving you with what do they want? and no literature was given to us prior so we couldnt study. so now after all this we need a makeup test.
i feel like a jackass cuz i do understand the triage levels and i wish i had passed it cuz now peter will think cant triage and frankly i can and he never gives me the opportunity. and i already took a class. and passed back on orientation. the same test from the levels people in emergency nursing and she agreed it was bullshit and poorly written.
anyway. the car wont be ready til march 22nd n they didnt start work yet. i cant drive this wreck steve, the door bings the whole way at 65 mph and i cant take it. i know its free. i know and im appreciative. but i also feel like i cant keep her good car for 3 weeks. thats not right.
the car people are not rolling in the deductible. my mom thinks they may without saying they will. i think im paying the 500 deductible cuz my life sucks. have u noticed?
so now im paying 900 to get the car back in the condition it was in and not have it the whole month. wtf.
500 for the deductible plus 400 to lease it and then i dont have it. im so unhappy now. i was hoping itd be done by the beginning of next week or so.
i called henry our honda guy and he said anytime is good. he said he remembers us but cant remember the car. i told him we got two from him cuz were that awesome and he said you are. he said come whenever we want and hell take us. sounds good..
rob is dealing with brian and the chairs and i have the feeling that wont have a happy ending either.
my mother gave me a talk that i shouldnt work so much ot and i should cut back our spending. i said mom were not spending. i didnt say im plowing thru bills.
i guess andrew is strong. i worry about his intelligence of course. i wish his eye contact was better. i mean he looks at stuff.. but of course im nervous with long islands rate of autistics. the dr told me to keep an eye on him but.. well what does that do? and andrew is a fatty. rob thinks he kinda just lost his balance or his weight threw him. well what do i know? i guess gravity couldve done it
dr a . that line was an old line ive heard before. right up there with if hes gods gift to women god must be into gag gifts.
Your work (are forced to really) some seriously bad hours. And this is worth it how again? Will this certification (or whatever it is called) make you more marketable? When can you leave? I think there should be heel marks over the back of Dr a and b the moment your contract to stay runs out. Simply, out the door and somewhere else. This is too much. I really can't believe you are standing at this point. I recall two young kids and two jobs and I had help. I was spent. You do not have as many supports and I had few. You must be exhausted at a level that is mind, body and spirit, all exhausted.
That educator/trainer seems like a real pain in the butt. It is awful when someone incompetent cannot teach the material and gives exams that are not vetted. Assurance of learning is critical and unless it is done the results are as you see in your own life...poor tests, vague, and about nothing real/ Scenarios, based on real situations that are physician approved (and clear as to level) are where she needs to go...not this nonsense.
Your money and lease and the (no so) free "rental" family car are a bad trap too. It may almost be worth it to rent a low level car at Budget Rent a Car, like a Corolla: At least I would not have to picture you thrown from the car by a defective lock onto the highway. It gives me the shudders. Plus it returns that beast of a car back to mom. You are right. That car needs to go. And you are also right. Things are terrible as far as your choices. The lease goes on and you have to pay but you do not have a car and you can't get a new lease until you get back the Honda that is being fixed.
I have got to hear how the chair situation turns out. That was so stupid on their part that I can hardly believe it happened. They better be very accommodating. That is fraud.
Andrew will not have great eye contact yet. He is still too young. You can hedge your bets with a diet (when he eats solids) that is low in gluten and casein. Our son's doctor, one of the best in the country with autism, really touts the casein-gluten free diets. (Or greatly reduced). Also, pharmacy grade supplements were given as the research on autism shows that absorption of critical nutrients is lower in children with this disorder: We used kirkman labs: Cheap and great stuff.. Omega 3, Calcium, Zinc, Magnesium Glycinate and probiotics all were given. It changed Jack's life.
Maybe Andrew did move and turn on his own. That is possible. And, I like your reference list of gag lines. They are good. I must not have as many resources as you. Steven
i got a call from kates party [place and they said they can change the time from 530 to 130 (the original time i wanted but they wouldnt give me b/c i wanted to extend the party time.) so if i extended the party time it would go into the next party time and then id hav to pay for 2 parties. which is ridiculous b/c im not getting double food, balloons, or paper products. or party favors. anyway, so i sent out the invites b/c its getting close and i wanted to get them out, and then they called.
so said to them you know like you had no one booked that whole afternoon and i was standing there with a $100 deposit and youre telling me about other "people" who want to book. well where are they? people are so stupid in business today.
so itold the guy id like to change the time but i did all my invites. so the guy said ill give you more. i said no - i had to hand write them all out. how annoying.
so i called/ texted everyone.
i feel there is so much work to do. like i did all that instead of doing laundry and now i still have the laundry.
do you think i did the right thing changing the time? or do you think it makes me look disorganized? my dad said i should sen all new invites but its like i have no time to sleep steve. if i was to really stay on top of stuff id have to give up sleep all together for a few yrs.
the chairs. rob is to talk to this jerk brian today. he said the other day they were going to get company touch up. i said look i didnt pay for touch up or wood filler. im at the breaking point to say you know what? i want $500 back now. fix them and i want money back. b/c i want to be done with this. 11k and im ready to strangle the guy. my mom tells me of my brother and his bedroom set the drawer didnt close right and he had to have the guy come 3 times etc. i said nothing to this but my bro and sil are cheapest people i know. seriously. so their raymour and flanagan furniture doesnt matter to me. honestly.
tmm2 texted me and asked where i had been? i said uh where i normally am? he said i hadnt texted, i said well if he wanted to talk to me he knows how to text right?
he had said he was still working, still poor..(except his wife stays home and they have more stuff than us.. ;ike a boat..) i said yeah me too cuz thats the truth.. he said at least you have me. i said i have you? i said yes my life is complete now..
he said well at least soemone finds you desireable.. i said oh yeah who? and he said me.. he had also asked how the baby is and i told him about the roll over.. he told me his hates to crawl.. but will stand endlessly (9 months old..) he then said hes balls to the wall here and he hadnt committed to being a bad boy.. and i said im busy too, working ot and all my housework. at least your wife is at home.. and he said he has all this home repair to do and to let go of aggravation he chops wood now. i said ok, at leats it gets you out of the house.. he said exactly lets hit a bar and go to town...
he then told me hes on hold for a call and to hold on.. the day was getting late.. and he didnt get back to me...
jeff was on the last two nights and hes an easy mark apparently.. i saw him walk in but the er is huge, i stayed talking with the er staff...
he kept coming around.. he said that everytime he saw me i looked the same.. i looked down and said oh my uniform? i said yeah i know. i like uniforms..
(he wears navy b/c hes icu..) he said he wants to be an er nurse now and i said oh pls.
he kept coming by with little comments.. dr b came by and told me soemthing and dr b is taller than me and i was sitting so i looked up. and jeff made a face when i did.. dr b put his hand on my back.. but i do the same thing when i walk up .. like on his shoulder.. looking at the computer..
anyway, jeff seems to be watching what goes on between dr b and i which is fine with me..
meanwhile dr b and i got a very sick pt. the nsg home sent her in for a cold spot on her left arm. ok.. so im like dvt?
i feel bother her arms and shes ice cold to the touch elderly in a nsg home... her oxygen level was ok.. we took a rectal temp and it was 104.6. im like oh crap. her hr was 170 and her bp 80s/40. i get dr b and i m like shes in septic shock and its turning.. (from warm to cold shock.. which means you have a 60% mortality now...) i tell him everything and he said what about the cold spot? n her triage vitals? her temp was 99.3 (temporally..) and her hr was 70.. i said look, i went in as soon as she came and its a clusterf**k. shes diaphoretic, and her brother arrives. hes a cancer surviver b/c he talks with the cancer kazoo... yes i said cancer kazoo. i never remember what that thing is called n thats what i call it. i said that to dr b who was laughing his ass off. i need a second large bore line n i cant get it. i got an initial smaller line but kept striking out... i gave her tylenol b oluses, abx, a catheter in, n urine sent, cxray, in a matter of an hr..so i ask leo the charge nurse (who screamed at me..) look this pts really sick shes an icu for sure... he tells me that even though there are three icu beds there - that i cant send my pt b/c theyre sending the er icu nurse home. its like 930pm we have 10 hrs ahead of us for the shift and im like well her hr shes ice cold to the touch trying to explain the gravity of the sutuation. he said put a warming blanket on her.. i said her temp is 104.. im not warming her. he reiterates the pt will have to stay there. so im like ok fine. i walk away and i ask sheila the nurse who had the fetal demise at 6 months preg.. to try a second large line.. she gets it and says does leo know this pt is so sick? i said yeah, he said theres no icu nurse to take the pt. she went up i guess, i finish my work up and im stabilizing her.. then after i finish they tell m ok she can move up. i see my pt being moved by the aides and im like wtf. really. i was going to say no thats ok i just did all the work ill f**king keep her..
and he gives me a heroin overdose. meanwhile dr b says how come youre not up front liz? i said cuz im a loser. he said well ive told them you and chris need to go up front. i said who did you tell? he said the higher ups.. i didnt ask anymore cuz i mean he didnt say names and its like whatever.. i said ok.. n left it..
b/c its either true n theyre not going to do it.. or hes not saying it and i just bullshit being spewed on me. i have the feeling its the 2nd...
oh steve i keep forgettimg to tell you that my bro played little league with the cannibal cop. i remember him too. we called him gil.. my brother called and told me it was him.. i didnt realize as i hadnt seen him since he was a kid and well who wouldve thought? anyway i made the joke based on this real true story of when they were all kids.. my bro was pitching - stephen - and there was a hit, inot the outfield.. 2 kids ran for the ball.. one was gil (the cannibal cop... he had such bad buck teeth then his lips didnt go over his teeth they literally hung out..theres good orthodentists in forest hills...) and the other kid micheal who was a skinny little mommas boy. he was a mommas boy because he didnt have a dad. and that was weird cuz when i grew up even the divorced kids had a dad come.. so the two of them ran for the ball in between their spots... well they collided and gils teeth gashed micheals face. literally making a hole. the fathers are pretty calm about this type of stuff but the moms arent. well micheals mother freaked . freaked. so a dad drove them to the emergency room and micheal got his face fixed... gils dad tried to pretend that gil was hurt too, like oh his teeth.. but..lol we knew nothing was wrong with the kids teeth...
anyway - i said to my bro when he texted with this.. wow so he got the taste of human flesh from young.. and stephen texted back.. and apparently loved it... we were all dying laughing...
meanwhile ym dads telling everyone how he was the cannibal copd little league coach.. which is true.. but i mean id leave it alone...
and well here coems another good part..(and you thought ny was a huge place..) gils brother who is older.. works for con ed.
i said to rob.. let me guess he sits next to you.. so rob says no... but.. i said oh god thats great.
i am def surprised that nerdy little goofy gil became a cop. guess he had to to get some balls...
oh and last night terri was showing everyone this you tube video where a guy in argentina gets eaten by a whale.. so the wife is screaming her head off.. and the guys at the shore playing with a seal.. the whale comes up and eats the seal and the guy.. of cours ei was rooting for the guy to get killed.. i said look we dont know what she was saying but it was prob like stop being an asshole playing with that seal and get over here... and he didnt listen to his wife so he died..
so i said he totally got what he deserved.. jeff was standing there and was like oh shit liz.. i shrugged and said well i do believe if youre too stupid to live i will root for your demise.. terri said i was f**ked up.. but i mean steve shouldnt men just do what their wives say?
and spekaing of doing what wives say.. well rob has changed his tune for soem unknown reason. 1st he said that i did alot and he needed to help more.. i changed the bed while i was home during the day the day i only slept an hour cuz andrew soaked it with pee.. so i stripped the bed as soon as i got in, (which meant i had to sleep on the couch..) i washed my uniform as i always do.. and then threw it in and as i could kept switching.. i didnt have enough time to remake the bed and i left the dryer going with the sheets drying.. my washer is too small to put all the king size sheets in so i takes 2 loads.. and its an hour each load..
and yest i texted him and said i want to f**k.. get the kids to sleep.. he said who am i to argue?
and i thought yes thats right who are you to argue?
oh and i was lookign at food for the party... theres a party package from the pizz/ pasta place.. so i can pizzas.. but i looked at the catering for the adults.. and i saw for 350 to get all this real food like eggplant rollatini and tomato and mozzarella and a choice of a pasta and a chicken.. plus bread.. and a salad.. so robs like i think youre going too overboard on this.. he thinks i should just get pizza.. i said i guess... i talked the party guy into giving me an additional cake for the adults that we need for free for changing the time...
i guess he right.. the pizza cost would be about $150 say.. and the food cost will be like $400 to get the soda also...
i just hate to have anyone come to my party and be like the food sucked.. or there was no food.. you know?
rob said 6 ft hero.. they do have this awesome hero that is chicken cutlet with bacon and mozzarella cheese amd thousand island dsg... rob said hed pay a little more to get that.. but its still estimating to be half the costs...
you think i should save the 200 and put it towards the bills?
The party: Well, if it was me I would by the pizza and the big sub and save the cash. You need it right now...all of it. Kate is young and will not care about the food and the parents and others come for their own children or out of politeness or obligation. Even if the food sucked they would not recall any of it in a month. I have been to too many B day parties. How many do I recall? None. I take that back. I recall some crazy parent who kept screaming about monster trucks. It was surreal. He seemed more into the party than his son.
Do I think you look disorganized? Not at all. You look like a typical harried parent. Besides you do what is best for you, not what is best for the party as a whole. People adapt and you will need to expect that they will need to adapt. Besides they always want you to adapt to them...bout time it occurred the other way.
I cannot even fathom why the furniture place would ever say anything about touch up. The chairs are new. They need to be new. This sounds more and more like a court case everyday I hate to say. These people are terrible business people. You can't treat people like this and stay in business for very long.
tmm 2 varies between being a male who is nice and one who is fishing for a relationship. I still think he is trouble. At least he has not crossed any real (other than electronic) boundaries with you.
I hate to say that I enjoyed a post about an old lady with septic cold shock but this was fascinating. I loved how you described the process of figuring this all out. Certainly your job is a major stress party. I really do not know how you do this so often. It is literally life and death all the time. I did have to laugh when you said that dr b gave you a heroin overdose. I sure hope you meant heroin patient! I can't imagine you on heroin. Hmmm, it would solve some of your worries? lol (dark humor there, sorry).
I certainly hope dr b was not kidding when he said he mentioned that you should be up front. That is what you wanted. And he seems like someone who would not lie. I really think he did tell someone.
You are wild with that cannibal story. Really he tasted human flesh early? Wow, I take it back. Your humor is a lot darker than mine ever will be. Scary stuff that...Isn't it sad that this boy turned into a man who is so emotionally and mentally erratic? You have to feel for him in a way, especially knowing the history of this man. I am telling you; it is always somewhere in the family history, all that abnormal behavior.
Eaten by a Whale? What on earth are you guys watching at work. You know. You all show signs of PTSD in your humor. I am serious about this. That detachment and so forth is a stress indicator. Wow...I am worried about all of you and what you are all going through. I mean that. This job is not something I recommend staying in. Have you ever thought of something less intense?
I see you are interested in sex again? What happened? I thought Rob was in the dog house.
so what youre saying is that myself and the other er staff are f**ked up?
well yeah. i think its a pretty well known concept too. btw i was the only one who was vocal about being like im hoping for the guy to die.. dr a was cringing but then wanted to see it again..
pussy. the whale supposedly thrashes the guy and that upset me cuz then the guy was prob unconscious when he met his demise and i wanted him to be like crap i shouldve listened to her...
one of the admitting girls was like omg maybe its like fantastic voyage and i said he was unconscious if this i s actually real. and it turned out it wasnt..
i do have little sympathy if youy throw yourself inot harms way like those people on jackass, or the people who do that jumping off the highest points in their town. it causes all us emergency personel a ton of paperwork. and the longer the story the more i have to write.
dr b doesnt assign pts, the charge nurse leo does.. luckily people rotate so its not the same asshole riding your ass.
so like literally as my one pt was rolling down the hallway all worked up, the other pt was rolling in screaming and acting like afool.
(did you ever hear the saying not all pts are assholes, soem are intubated...)
if dr b told soemone it was like the head of ems or some person who has no control or couldnt care less. i promise. he always makes a point to tell me im doing a good job and its gotten to the point its condescending. like ima kid who needs reassurance.
and iv e said i wanted to leave the er or nsg and you tell me in so many words that you dont think id like something else. like kite repair. or a hot dog truck. or driving cab...
btw the cannbal story thing gods honest truth. and think its bs whatever he said. first fishy thing w that is his wife turned him in, i thought it was ike he talked to the authorities by accident think it was just another user out in a chat room.
his wife could searched all that put pics on his computer etc. and second we all know people thnk the internet is anonymous or detached so they say all sorts of stuff to the point of bragging. i dont think its right, but he may have said stuff to look like a big man or something.. i know this kid. he was a nerd. with something to prove.
so he has a twisted sense of humor... f thats all it takes to go to jail im screwed.
as far as tmm2.. yeah i like him. i think he is a nice guy..
i like talking w him..
tmm1. where is he?
well i have to go. have to bring kate to the orthopedist... then mommy n me..
Well if you are a mess I am worse because I looked up the man eaten by whale video. It is a fake you know...but still, at some twisted level, somewhat amusing. So I guess I am included in the list of ill people. lol
I have to remember that if I end up in your trauma unit that I make the reason really simple, like falling down some steps after slipping on marbles or something....not complicated and detailed so you have to write a lot.
No I never heard about the patients being intubated line. Sigh...You all have a scary view of your job. I really hope I do not ever end up in your hospital. But I know if I came in that you would be your professional best, right?
I am sure you would be quite good at a lot of various jobs, but I feel that nursing suits you at a certain level. It may not be the easiest of jobs, but as long as you are not tormented and harassed, the job is not that bad. It is just that this job is so miserable due to the stress and the constant being placed into a situation where a small mistake will get you fired. It is just too nuts. And look at what you deal with in a week; babies dying; drug addicts; people with cancer kazoos. (which is darkly funny I have to admit).
I am sure the cannibal connection (which is what I am not calling it) is true. Usually the people who have this sort of thing are the nerds who were rejected and on the fringe in high school. It is very common. Look at all the stories on the news that involve these types. It is really sad as so much of that is preventable.
Tmm1 is a proverbial bad penny. Wait until the weather turns a bit warmer He will show up. He is a weather stalker, (bet he has SAD d/o) showing up when storms, heat, snow and so on occur. Think I am kidding? Look at his pattern of contacting you...
Tmm2: I guess you can like him but he is a boundary crosser and will look for that opportunity. Steven
brought kate to the ortho. she had her hip xrayed. she stayed still and was a good girl. played her leappad while they were doing it. adrew and i stepped out and she got radiated...
so the dr said her hip is good. 2 years. i was surprised as i figured 1 yr. but i guess thats ok. he said bring her 4 1/2 to 5 yrs old. i was going to make the appt now since its so hard to get one. i told him i hope i can get in.. he laughed..
the ortho is the guy from spain with the deep voice.. he looked at andrew and was like whoa. i said you want to check those hips? he said did they say he has dysplasia? i said no.. he said ok then well leave him alone. he said hes a boy so very little chance hed have it...
today were going for the minivan - im kinda nervous and now i dont want to go after all this looking forward to it...
if you want to watch messed up stuff put in russian dashboard cameras. its hilarious. they have dashboard cams b/c people fake being hit by cars all the time, so now like everyone has them. and th cops are crooked and essentially they all drink and drive so its pretty lawless. theyre super obnoxious which just adds to it.
rob and i watched so many.. god we laughed our asses off.
look you dont have to like slip on marbles , and if someone sick or hurt i want to help. but if youre a drug addict or on top of that a jerk who throws himself off stuff for amusement, well i find you annoying. sorry i just do.
and i take care of all my pts. every freaking one of them. and ill clean up your vomit multiple times even if youve been out drinking and you ate the worm. but do i have to like it? i do the right thing steve but no im never like this is fun... cuz youre stupid. u drink do drugs go out w the wrong people.. what can i say? i never found myself in these situations and i was young once too. never had to call my parents from the er. never crashed my car under the influence. so.. no i dont find this amusing.
that doesnt mean you dont want me as your nurse. i mean i dont want you in my er either. just cause i dont want you hurt.
and im sure therapists have their jokes about their pts.. like oh i can be late that pt has multiple personalities, they can just talk amongst themselves...
ok bad joke but you get what i mean.
btw its been a lomg time since i saw someone with a cancer kazoo. and i laugh everytime i think or [icture anyone with a cancer kazoo. and i guess i just have a mental block on what theyre called. i mean why call them anything else when cancer kazoo is so perfect? n everyone laughs.. everyone. btw the guy was really nice.
the cannibal connection. nice. whos a sicko now steve. seek help is all i can say.
and i think its bs so what if he was talking in a chatroom. my god. now theres the thought police. i dont like everyone else thoughts but i do trhink they have a right to them. its constitutional. n i dont want anyone telling me what i can think about or do.
tmm2. yes i like him. he told me im the only person he texts. he said guys he calls. i think thats funny, and said what? so u can blow them kisses? he didnt seem to like that. but he did say he found me very desireable...
tmm2 has depression so i know in spring he usually is better. and spring is springing cuz its 50 today. and monday will be 60. i love that. s nice and mild.
So sorry I have not been able to write. This post may be short too as I am trying to get mom back from the SNF to home and arrange services, etc.
Glad that you got a good report for Kate's hip. It might be a little longer than you thought as far as time, but this is great news and she will be just fine! And that was the ultimate goal anyway.
Did you get the minivan? What did you get exactly? I know I should not be as shallow as asking about color but I am going to...And is the other van fixed?
Okay. I will look up Russian dash cams. I will see what is there. I will let you know my thoughts. However, your sense of twisted humor is often close to my own, so I would not be surprised if I liked it. Let you know...
I know you are a good nurse, and you are dedicated as well. It is just that you work for these pressure cooker level places that do not allow your skills to be recognized or encouraged. Instead you have to fear for your life that you will make a career ending mistake, and that is everyday. I just want to see that you are given a chance to see yourself as you are and not in the "fun house mirrors" of these insane work environments. You just do not have an opportunity to see yourself as you really are, and constant exposure to this type of thing is not good for your self esteem and self value as a nurse.
The therapy joke was pretty good especially since you made it up on the spot! I am impressed.I am only good with on the spot lawyer jokes. I said this the other day: Do you know why the lawyer was unable to join the "open your heart to a disabled child program"? They lacked the required anatomy.
tmm2: You like to be told that you are desirable, right? Is it that why you like tmm2 (for all that) or do you just, like him? In your life getting people to love you and care for you as you are has never been easy, so a man who gives you that type of feedback and complements would look pretty attractive I would think. Your thoughts? Steven
hi steve.how are you? hows mom? and your post actually sounds like youre in a hurry..work was super busy, and i had just heavy heavy pts along with the drug addicts and drug seekers..while i was putting a line for one of the weirdo drug addicts with another next to her and the two of them are feeding off each other.. and i feel lightheaded and i lost vision for over an hour in my left eye. i think it was an ocular migraine.. i had a headache but it wasnt awful.. but i just felt off. it finally went away.. but i felt alittle nervous with it. esp trying to do my job... like if i was home and could just rest it wouldve been better..i had th thought that maybe i cant do the job anymore.. its been quieter lately and mainly at a slower pace.. but i had alot of pts and i thought maybe this i sme getting overwhelmed now.. i did get pounded by the charge nurse.. a guy on pcp, 2 sick nsg home pts, a girl who took 1 tab of ecstasy and was screaming non stop in panic for us to help her.. of course we did nothing.. it was one tablet.. and it was 4 hrs before.. dr b spoke to her so nicely.. (see thats what attracts me to him..)one of the drug addicts was dr a's pt and he wnated to d/c her without any pain meds as a script.. and he said he told her this (i dont think he does b/c ive had many pts shocked and surprised when i come in and break this news.. i know ill be assaulted b/c of this one day..) and she was belligerent and wouldnt stop. i told him shes insisting to see you and discuss it with you. he said everyone knows the plan. whats the problem? you know i know she knows. i said look ive been back and forth and spent alot of time with her. so he says were busy im not going there blah blah. i said ok. b/c im tired of fighting with him to do hi spart on all this. ive been trying to be nice b/c hes dating rosemarie, but its like hes a jerkoff.i get the charge nurse pete and say pls help me with her. shes being belligerent and refusing to leave. so he came in and argued with her etc etc. well it went no where and he went to dr a and dr a went in then.and see this pisses me off. so hell go in cuz pete will tell him. but me? nope. cuz im a piece of shit. and he doesnt trust me or my judgement or whatever.and it makes me angry. this was the same exact case when we had that young pt go into v tach and the 2 little girls were screaming and crying for their daddy not to die. pete said hes having a seizure. i said no hes not thats v tach (they jerk soemtimes from it. but not enuff to say it was a seizure..) and b/c hes friends with pete he trusts his judgement and not mine. and even though i turned out to be right now on both cases.. i have no street cr5ed. 2 yrs and i havent proved myself. i mean last night i had gotten hammered and i didnt say anything i just kep t going (to the point of blindness) i told myself to disengage.. it easier for me to notinternalize or think why are they picking on me i realize b/c i get more nuts from that.i finally snapped at 4am with this woman (she couldnt just f**king leave..) i thought she was def drug seeking and it turned out when they looked up on the ny state database that shes been to drs in queens nassau and suffolk and gotten scripts for diff narcs. so he finally went in and told her that. she left angrily - i stayed away, why get assaulted now. let dr a get assualted he deserves it...i told dr b and he said no he was just made we got hammered. i said yeah i forgot how i had a great night too joe. i forgot about my wonderful night. i mean f**k that already i dont care he got hammered. pls. grow the f**k up. ur making 330k a yr plus ot. if i was him- do i f**king care? really? id be laughing all the way to the bank.
sat we went and picked out a new minivan. its the new 2013 odyssey - we got the polished metal metallic, the exl leather package and dvd player for the kiddies. since we picked a color they didnt have in stock we have to wait for it.. plus we need to turn in the old van at the same time. they said i dont need an inspection or anything just bring it back and dont worry about bringing in the oil chnage stuff. i said ok sounds good to me.kate loved the new van they had thesame car but diff color in the showroom and kate was all over it playing. a little bit wildly actually. she cried when we finally left saying we didnt take her car (i didnt realize she would think that one was our car...) and was hysterical to the point we couldnt calm her and she left really crying. they gavce her a balloon and the manager said he feels awful shes so upset but it was after 5pm we had been there for 3 hrs and she hadnt napped. she was out in 5 min inside the car.
we got prices for the crv and the pilot and for the 2 nd level of the crv and no money down $307/ month. and for the pilot the 2 nd level $374.. no money down. the price is good and i was pretty excited.. i am pretty set on the pilot..
we also got free maintenance , oil changes, inspections, plus road side assistance for free.
anyway, when you say 2 posts ago i know you would come in your professional best right? b/c of our dark sense of humor of we like our pts sedated and intubated... well it makes me think you think we dont take care of our pts.. or dont like them.
what do sperm n lawyers have in common? they have a one in a million chance of becoming a person..
anyway i told meredith about dr a treating me like a piece of crap.. she said yeah but you guys had an argument already right? i said yes but this shows he doesnt even respect my professional judgement or trust me. we started walking towards her office n she said are you following me? i started to ans when terri opened her mouth about something else.. meredith said to terri hold on im listening to liz whine. she def said it as a joke.. but ill tell you steve im defeated. i said ok ok i get it. i started to walk away n she yelled after me she was kidding i kept going b/c like my life is hard enough. i mean i guess t doesnt matter what dr a thinks of me. i dont like dr a or care honestly, but i dont like my professional rep questioned. meredith made the point like oh well they know each other a long time. i told hr dr a i dr b n i all started with 2 weeke each other she told me to let this roll off my back. i didnt say anything b/c whats ther to say? she came to me later n said r u still mad at me? i said yes kind of. she said she really didnt mean it it was just a joke and she shwed me her nieces n nephews.. n a email that said "i like you cuz you hate the same people as me..
she showed me some other s too..
i like tmm2. i dont know why. i just do. hes funny, hes successful.. it just we connect thats all.
I have thought about this for a few weeks now. I am finding as you said in your last post that I am rushing through comments and am not able to focus or to devote the time to you as I should. This is due to all that is going on in my life and dealing with a terminally ill family member. Simply said...I feel I am not living up to what I should be doing as far as quality, and ethically speaking I need to make some decisions.
I have decided that the best course of action is to take a break from JA for a while. I know that we have talked regularly for more than a year and a half and I am reluctant to say it, but I think I have to take a break...I of course will respond to anything you list as an emergency or critical issue and will monitor any requests that you make. I just hope you understand that right now, just to carve out a few moments is really rough and I am not as alert and focused as I should be.
I am thinking that a month or two off should be enough to straighten things out. I hope you understand that this is not said lightly or easily.Steven
hi steve, i posted another question but you can ignore it. i hope all goes well.