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Ask TherapistMarryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Looking for female therapist to work with OKMH34211

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Looking for female therapist to work with relationship issues: NOT ELLIOT: please respond

Hello, how can I help you?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

FOR KATE: Thank you. I need someone to witness my feelings and help me move on as i try and let go of a 5 year complicated long distance relationship/marriage. I have no one to talk to about it as I dont want to tell anyone its over yet(my grown children, my high profile job etc) but one pays a price for hiding their true feelings and when I begin to deal with my feelings on my own, I am just a big puddle of tears and pain and unable to do anything. Are you available to "walk with me" through this?

I would certainly be happy to answer any questions you have about your situation. Just Answer is not really set up to do counseling as you would receive in on line counseling or with a therapist. It is a question/answer rating system as well so you would need to reimburse for any new questions answered. If that is ok with you, then I will help the best I can within the system boundaries.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

For Kate: Yes, I understand. I have an unlimited membership so I can ask unlimited questions. Please explain to me,though, how I compensate your answers as well as ask new questions at the same time? Do I compensate and then start over and say For Kate? Like now, there are no smiley faces attatched to this! Please advise

It is at your discretion but if you ask a question that is not related to the original and is not clarification, then a new question is needed.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

For Kate: I still dont see the smiley faces to rate you but whenever you set that up, I wlll rate and write a new question. Yes, I am in the middle of this 5 year relationship that is so complicated. He lives overseas and we married last year, hoping to immigrate him by now. We bought a house together that I live in waiting for him to get here to the US. But now I think he is cheating-he swears he isnt but there is no real way to know. Anyway, now I dont want to immigrate him because I am afraid. I am stuck in this house full of our memories. I want to move but cant afford it. How do I make my peace with staying in this house as we work this out? I am so afraid here. Am I right in ending this? And then in the bigger picture, how do I keep from picking the type of man who is incapable of maintaining a long term committment?

There is no way to rate until I provide an answer. So far, all I've done is info requests so you don't get charged for an answer until I actually give you one.

What makes you afraid to stay in the home? And what has he done to give you the idea he is cheating? Or doing something that bothers you?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

For Kate: I just cry everywhere I look because this house is full of our memories and full of our dreams for retirement together(I am late fifties)-I cant be in our bed alone without crying so I sleep on the couch. He is shy and somewhat feminine by American standards. When we have travelled overseas before I have noticed him noticing younger men. It is against his religion to be gay so I am concerned he has secret male relationship/s-I know how his voice sounds after he ejaculates and sometimes when we talk on the phone his voice sounds that way when he said he had to work late. I have made it clear I will not be with someone who is not loyal.I wont be anyones beard. What to do? How do I know for sure-he is 6500 miles away?

It sounds like you have some legitimate concerns. If you notice him looking at other men, then it is probably a good indication that something is going on. Whether it means he is gay or not is unclear. But just the fact that you feel this way means that you need to pay attention to what might be wrong with the relationship. Since there are no solid facts to know exactly what is going on, you need to get more information.

You may want to start by asking him about your concerns. Depending on what reaction you get, you can go from there. If he seems to protest too much, he may be feeling guilty. Ask him why he looks at other men. Ask him to explain other concerns you have. That way, he at least knows you are having doubts and you can get some more information about your Suspicion.

If you feel at any time that your concerns outweigh the good in the relationship, you may want to take a break or even end it. It's never good if you are in a relationship that has these many questions.

It could also be that he is with you in order to get into this country. That is another concern. If he is able to become a citizen before you marry, that would clear that concern up however.

It is always difficult to be surrounded by things such as your home that remind you of the tough times you are having now. If you are unable to move, you may want to consider staying with a friend or family member until you clear this situation up. Grief is a natural feeling when you think your relationship might be in trouble or over, so expect to experience all the symptoms of mourning. It is not easy but going through the process helps you leave the relationship behind, if it comes to that.

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