Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you are depressed. And there could be two reasons why it is difficult for you to overcome your depression.
One, you went through a very traumatic event seeing your parents argue then having your mother beat by your father. Violence, especially towards someone you love and care about, it upsetting enough to cause depression and possibility PTSD (post traumatic stress
syndrome). And since your father was never punished for this crime, there is a sense of helplessness and injustice from what you experienced. This is very difficult to resolve and can definitely contribute to how you feel right now, especially with the depression and anxiety. What happened to you overwhelmed your ability to cope and brought you to the point you are now. It can also make you feel angry. Anger can contribute to feelings of depression because there is no way to let those feelings out in a safe way so you turn them inward and become depressed.
Two, marjiauna is a depressant which can be contributing to your feelings of depression and lack of motivation. Many people feel marjiauna helps them to feel better because it provides an escape from how they feel. But instead it only adds
to the problem by pulling you down more and not letting you learn to cope on your own.
Suicide can seem like an option because you just want the pain to stop. But there are alternatives that can provide hope and help you come out of this situation feeling like you used to- hopeful and happy.
The first step is to talk to a counselor. You need the support right now and help with how you feel. If at all possible, talk with your doctor about a referral to a therapist. Or if you have counselors available at your school, that is also an option. But if you are unable to see a counselor face to face, you can work on your issues through on line counseling. Just search "on line counseling" in a search engine and you will find many resources.
Also, consider support groups on line or in person. Talking with others who have experienced the same symptoms as you can help you feel less alone.
The next step is to learn more about depression, anxiety, PTSD and the effects of marjiauna use. The more you know, the better tools you will have to overcome your symptoms. Here are some resources to help you get started:
Finally, consider keeping a suicide hotline number nearby so if you do feel overwhelmed and need to talk, you don't have to take the extra effort to search for help.
I hope this has helped you,
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!