Hello, I am so depressed, I don't know where to begin!! Too much is happening in my life. I feel so down, and I don't wanna feel this way. I just don't know what to do. I feel like there is that pain deep inside me that I can't even explain. I can feel it so deep. it really aches.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
Hello my friend.
I am sorry you feel so down.
Hello doctor, thank you for the reply!
You are very welcome. What is wrong in your life that you feel this way?
There is so much in my life that is depressing me.. Recently, My best friend died in an accident. then her parents died too.
other than that, I feel like everything is not fine in my life.
Like having financial problems. I have issues with my dad. All my relationships get screwed for some reason. I do have many friends but only when I happy. I am also a bit over weight and that makes me feel in-confident in myself most of the time.
What is going on between you and your dad?
well, we are not talking for 6 months now. We have problems all the time. I feel like he hates me. He and my mum are separated, I was really mad at him in the beginning, but later, I somehow felt like my life is better away from him.
Why were you not talking?
He is mad at me, because 6 months ago, I was in a holiday with my friends, we traveled to a city near by. and he called me once to check on me, and I didn't pick up. I was tired and just got there, and then I didn't call him back till I got back which was just 6 days later. So he suspected I am doing something wrong and that is why I didn't pick up. and as usual he didn't believe me and asked me to stop the lies! since then I tried texting him and I called once and he didn't pick up. so I stopped trying
Perhaps you could write him a nice letter apologizing for not picking up. You should remind him that HE is the father and he should be teaching by example.,
His example is doing the same thing to you that he finds reprehensible. What kind of example is that?
Be nice and ask him to move forward and get back on track because life is too short to lose precious time in anger.
He wouldn't listen. He never listens actually. whats in his mind won't change whatever I say or do. I am just sick of how he treats me.
You can still write the letter whether or not he will listen. Be positive. He might listen and that would be helpful.
not so long ago. we were once having a gathering at my old aunt's place (His sister) , and he was talking about how proud he is of my Brother. and that he is the only one he has in this life. Like I don't exist.
'If he doesn't reply positively, then the letter is still therapeutic for you to write and will give you some closure.
He is a very foolish and mean-spirited man, and very immature. Perhaps he will never grow up and change. If you do you honest best, XXXXX XXXXX cannot ever feel that you didn't try.
As far as your friends liking you when you are happier - that is universal.
I have tried Doctor, so many times throughout the years.
I sometimes feel like he is punishing me for his differences with my mum. it is like I am his wife, not a daughter
Make this one the best and last and tell him it is the last, and then resolve to remove him from your life.
I guess if I told him I will remove him from my life, even if he doesn't want to, he will ignore me forever for saying that.
Let him know you are done with him and he has thrown away a daughter. If he will ignore you forever then he is some kind of narcissist/sociopath who is unable to love but only to manipulate.
Yes I think he is. He even sometimes make fun of me infront of his family members for being a bit over-weight. he has treated me really bad
He NEEDS to humiliate you to get his dose of "narcissistic supply", as it is called. It is like a vampire needing to have blood.
The BEST way to defeat a narcissist is NOT to react to them.
I always do that. It makes me feel weak though.
Here are the official criteria of narcissism from the psychiatric manual DSM-IV.
Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder
(DSM IV - TR)
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
(4) requires excessive admiration
(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Stay away from him. He uses you for his needs.
so you think I should just cut him out of my life?
Narcissists are not like other human beings. They CANNOT feel empathy for others, cannot understand or care about the feelings of others. That is why they are sociopaths.
You feel weak because HE SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.
That is why your mother is not with him.
Here is a book or two that will help you.
I will give you a UK site and you can find them elsewhere or get them there.
Yes. I know. I did appreciate that later. I was mad at the beginning because of the instability and so. but my life is better away from him. I feel like he screwed me up really bad. :(
Let me give you these books. They will help you.
It is like you are divorcing him from being a parent. This is a very powerful book and will help you to regain your strength and courage.
Thanks alot for that Doctor.
This is the reason for you terrible depression. Deal with it and you will feel better.
And one more thing:
Put on your best face when with your friends. They might see that you are sad, but they will also see that you are doing your best.
Try it, please.
I shall keep you in my prayers
I do doctor. I believe I am fun. I am only that depressive when I am alone. when I go out with friends or so, I am fun as much as they are. Not happy inside tho. and when I am that depressed like now. I don't tend to mix up with people, not to depress them.
That is wonderful. You will overcome this. You have the strength and intelligence.
I just feel like, I am there for everyone when they need someone with them. but when I need them, somehow I am so alone.
Stick with your one best friend and become closer.
Yeah, that is the one who died actually :(
I am so sorry. That was a great loss, but you must move forward and find others, perhaps mutual friends with this one.
I know. I am just having a hard time absorbing the fact that she is gone. I've known her for 10 years now.
Grief is a process and takes time. You cannot rush it.
You are absolutely right. I just feel like I am not in the grief state yet. I don't yet believe it. you know what I mean?
Ahh, but you are. The first stage of grief is denial.
Yes, that's exactly what I meant.
Seven stages of grief
1. Shock and Denial
2. Pain and Guilt
3. Anger and Bargaining
4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness
5. The Upward Turn
6. Reconstruction and Working Through
7. Acceptance and Hope
I am in the first and second one at the same time I guess.
You will get better and lose lose terrible feeling of depression due to your losses: best friend and father.
How else can I help you?
I am sorry doctor if I am taking so much time or if you have other people to talk to as well. It is ok we can continue any other time right?
Absolutely. I want you to heal and I believe that you will.
Have I helped a little tonight (your morning - you are 8 hours ahead of me)?
Yes you did :) It is 9 a.m. here so yes , my morning :)
Thank you. :)
No, Thank YOU Doctor. You are very helpful. I really needed to talk.
I feel like I have way TOO much inside.
Just ask for me again when you need me.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
I sure will. You will be in my favorites for sure :)
Thanks Alot Doctor.
Is is appropriate to say to you:
إن شاء الله,
Is it appropriate I meant to write?
I didn't get what you wrote ^^
Maybe it does not come through.
yes some signs appeared
It was supposed to be Arabic letters that meant inshalla. إن شاء الله,
Just checking, resolutions66 that is you right? I just wanted to add you to my favorites but Elliot didn't appear
Oh! That is really so sweet :)
Yes that is me. Thank you.
Thank You so much. I am really pleased to meet you :)
Same here. May Allah protect and guide you.
Amen ! :)
I just hope you will remember me next time we talk ^^
I shall. You will just have to tell me that you are the sweet young lady from Egypt and I will remember you.
oh That is really sweet :) Ok then. :)
I will talk to you soon Insha allah :)
:) Have a blessed day.
Same to you.
Thank you again.