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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am 40 year old divorced mother of a 13 year old boy and my

Customer Question

I am 40 year old divorced mother of a 13 year old boy and my lying is hurting my relationship with my fiancé and his son as well as my son. I have a low self esteem and have been told that I'm too emotional. I don't lie to hurt people and I really don't know why I do it but I have a problem and want to stop. Could I have bpd? Some of the characteristics are the same. Is there way to get help? A treatment center or something? I don't want to lose the family I have and he has had enough of me!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I would like to know what characteristics you think you have of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that you are lying because of you low self-esteem.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Compulsive lying is frequent outcome of low self-esteem and a need to get attention. The lying can become habitual (a habit you do unthinkingly and without realizing it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This is called habitual lying.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This behavior typically alienates friends and those who love you. It doesn't give attention but instead pushing those special people away. With therapy this compulsion to lie can be stopped and the relationships can be saved.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

These are the symptoms for BPD - from the DSM-IV official psychiatric diagnostic manual.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

BPD – DSM-IV

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternation between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. Identity disturbance - markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging, e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving or binge-eating.

5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood, e.g. intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety, which usually lasts for between a few hours and several days.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

8. Inappropriate, intense anger, or difficulty controlling anger, e.g. frequent displays of temper, constant anger or recurrent physical fights.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Anyone with six or more of the above traits and symptoms may be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. However, the traits must be long-standing (pervasive), and there must be no better explanation for them, e.g. physical illness, a different mental illness or substance misuse.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have started to type but then left. I will leave this chat open and you can return to it. I have given you a lot of good professional advice and will reply to you again.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am still here. Has this been helpful to you?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see that you have been typing on several occasions during this chat but have not sent me anything.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Please respond to me. I would like to know what you think about your BPD and what you think about what I have told you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am hoping to get a response.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Why are you so afraid?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You CAN be helped.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You may be sending me messages and I cannot read them.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you are on a WIndows 8 computer is will not work, apparently. It is too new of a system.

JACUSTOMER-aawucqz2- : I'm afraid I'm going to lose my fiancé. We've been together for 10 years but I think he's done giving me chances. I thought I could stop on my own but I can't. I told him that I will et professional help but if really like to convince him to stay is there anything. I can do or do I just let him go? He means the world to me And I hate the fact that I've hurt him. I just don't want to lose him. Is there anything I can do. I wish there was a treatment center I could go to and dedicate all my time fixing this. That's how serious I am about wanting to stop.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see you now.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You don't need a treatment center. All you need is a good therapist.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Where do you live?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am trying to find you somebody. Please answer me if you really want help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

City/State.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you have given up then I cannot help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Pull yourself together and answer me.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I will save the chat and you can get back to me later if you want me to help you. I am willing to take the time to help, but not to take the time to sit here staring at a blank screen.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Get back to me if and when you can and I will help youl

JACUSTOMER-aawucqz2- : I've been responding I'm not sure why it doesn't show up
JACUSTOMER-aawucqz2- : Did you get the nee
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Are you using windows 8?

JACUSTOMER-aawucqz2- : did you get the part about me being with my fiancé for 10 years and he has had enough. I thought I could stop on my own but I can't. Is there anything that I can do to convince him to give me another chance? I want to stop this so much. If there was some sort of treatment center that I could go to and fix my issues I would. I don't want to wait I want to show him that I'm committed to changing. I love him so much I don't want to lose the family he has given me.
JACUSTOMER-aawucqz2- : No using an iphone
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes I got that part. Did you get the part about be asking for your city and state?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Can you say what it is, city and state?

JACUSTOMER-aawucqz2- : Nope. I'm in bel air, md which is near Baltimore, md
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am going to send you a list of people who can help you.

JACUSTOMER-aawucqz2- : do you have my email address? [email protected]
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You cannot give it to me, The JA computer changes it to [email protected]

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I will give you some therapists to see.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://drmirandamorris.com/DrMirandaMorris/Home.html

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.bernadettelavinlcpc.com/

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.drsansbury.com/

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.gbcc.com/

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

and one more, that I think may be a good one for you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=135947&sid=1362371814.9171_17923&state=MD

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I have looked through the qualifications of many Baltimore area therapists and these are the best for you in my estimation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You CAN change, and you can save your relationship.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

After you get started you might even want to bring your fiance to a session so that HE can see that you are learning to change.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This IS a learning process.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is there any other way that I can help you?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Has this been helpful?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I will leave the chat and change to Q & A mode. You will be able to read better and then you can respond to me or rate me.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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