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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I need someone to talk to about my relationship. We just got

Resolved Question:

I need someone to talk to about my relationship. We just got back together but there are already some issues and I want to talk to someone to see what I should to to fix these. We got back together on Wednesday before her birthday, she broke up with me because she said she was confused about some things. Anyways, we are back together now and she told me how much she means to me, the feelings she has to me and that she wanted to get back together. Friday was her birthday and we had talked bout spending the day together on Saturday. But all of a sudden, she was spending the day with her ex boyfriend that she says is her best friend. We supposed to spend the day together but now she was with him for the day. But on Valentines day, I asked her to be my valentine and she said yes and I wanted to take her out, first she was going to a game with her best friend on Thursday so I asked about Friday and she said yes. Then in the morning, she told me that she had stuff to do.

And then today, I wanted to spend the day with her, I asked her Thursday and she said that she wanted to go to a party and she might have to take her grandma somewhere but if not, she will see.

Well we did not spend the day together and I found out today that she wants to go to a party that her ex boyfriend is doing. But, I dont think she wanted to go because her best friend seems to be convincing her to go,

When I be at basketball games, she ignores me there as well. and then when I get mad and leave she tries to give me attention.

I dont know what to do. I dont know why she is trying to avoid me all the time and I want to know what I can do.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are having a hard time because this woman is not treating you so well, it seems.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She has an ex-boyfriend who is very much in the picture. She treats him like her boyfriend and throws you aside for him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He gets the preferences and gets picked first.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you believe that now they are just "best friends"?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

No more benefits?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Don't you feel like you are being treated like the backup, second string guy?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you believe her stories?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Would a girl who cared about you ignored you at the basketball game?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You wanted to know what you could do.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If I were you, I would walk.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is trashing your feelings and not being truthful and honest with you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

As long as this other guy gives her the time of day, you will be out of the picture. And if you get back in the picture, there will be someone else.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You don't want to be a placeholder for her. You would be so much happier with a girl who knows how wonderful you are and treats you that way. Anything less than that is not worth it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see that you have left the chat.

Customer:

Sorry, my computer isnt working right.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that this is not a hopeful answer, Jordan, but it is an honest one.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are too good a guy to deserve this kind of treatment.

Customer:

I am second guessing the best friend thing, but I dont think I am the backup. Actually, when she broke up with her other boyfriend, tyree (her last ex that we are talking about) was the rebound. right after the other guy broke up with her about 2 weeks later they were together. It was about 3 months before we got together.

Customer:

yeah I understand that.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Whatever the details of her history, you are still getting the short end of the stick, and no respect.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you show up at the basketball game and she isn't joyful to see you then you have a message loud and clear.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If this was a movie with different actors instead of you and her, what would you think?

Customer:

She used to be like that, but I think one day in January she thought I was talking to another girl and since then her attitude as changed with me. She used to change her plans just to be with me but now everytime I want to do something with her, she pushes me away or makes up something

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

So are you defending her and it's your fault?

Customer:

No, im not defending her

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Does she have a right to keep pushing you away or make up something (known as being a liar I think)?

Customer:

no she doesnt

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What other message is she giving you?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She doesn't what? Push you away? You just said she did.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Make something up? What is that mean? Something other than the truth?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I hate to see a good person get pushed around.

Customer:

I ment she doesnt have a right to keep pushing me away from her. when we got back together last week she told me how much she liked me and how strong her feelings were for me. and she was happy when we got back together. She would sometimes say she was not at home and then I would find out that she is sitting at home.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Then she doesn't want to see you. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. She does not act as if she wants to have a meaningful relationship with you, don't your think?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Not what she says, but what she actually does?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Anyone can say anything. Their deeds prove who they are and what they think.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

So do you want to keep trying?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is this making you feel good and is it rewarding?

Customer:

she used to show me but I after she thought i was talking to another girl that is when it changed

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That was then.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is different now.

Customer:

I may want to try one more time, but that would be it. and its not making me feel good, but where it was at before was good.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You cannot change the past.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is the way it is with all former relationships. Things (usually more than one thing) happen and the relationship falls apart.

Customer:

Do you have alot of people come to you with the same issue I have?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

All the time, especially around your age.

Customer:

and what do you recommend to them?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

To move on with their lives. If the other person has a change of heart they will pursue the person who feels that they are dropped or ignored.

Customer:

I think that might be the best option for me.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are plenty of nice girls out there. If feels great to see a girl that you like who is delighted then they see you, or when you call them, and is full of joy and fun and caring.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Anything less than that is not worth it. Its not really a close kinship or caring or love.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

To be able to make someone else's face light up with you, whether it is your girlfriend or baby or mother or friend is a great feeling. It is real. It is the joy of life and love and it is something that cannot be faked.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will be fine and have someone who really cares now.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Has this helped you?

Customer:

yes it has, thank you

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I will keep you in my prayers and I really wish you success from the bottom of my heart.

Customer:

thank you so much.

Customer:

have a good night.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

:) You have made me smile and feel very happy, Thank YOU.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Did you mean to rate me poor service?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Was this a mistake?

Customer:

sorry, I im on my laptop and I clicked it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

LOL

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have to change it then.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Mental Health Professional
7662 Satisfied Customers
35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.