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This is very re-assuring considering that I have never myself been molested and the thought of molesting children repulses me.However, there is one more factor that could be problematic. I have been going through a period of sexual chastity for the last 3 months. While I have found this satisfying I have noticed changes in my reactions which are confusing. Last year I was heavily into casual sex and I engaged with prostitutes. It took me around a year to realize that this behavior caused me tremendous pain. So for the last 3 months or so I have completely abstained from pornography,casual sex and severely limited masturbation. Instead,I have focused on finding a suitable long term partner and improving my health and college performance. However, I have been experiencing the compulsion to sexualize things which I before would not have sexualized. For example, I have been constantly scanning myself to make sure I am not sexually attracted to my mother, male friends and now children. This is problematic for two reasons- firstly, my mind plays tricks on itself to convince me that I am gay, incestous or now a child molester. Secondly, it is as though the chemical circuitry that used to give an automatic arousal whenever I saw a pretty girl seems to have shut off. I still find girls attractive but only 'cute' or 'pretty' in a mild sense, which is making it difficult for me to differentiate between sexual arousal and merely finding someone visually pleasing in an innocent way.Could you shed light on why this occurs? Is it sexual repression, OCD or chemical changes?
I do want to note that my desire to change my sexual behavior from more promiscuous to abstinent was not due to anxiety solely but because I rationally wanted a more clean lifestyle.Just to double check that I am not attracted to children I have been seeing some pictures of children on the internet(normal pictures not porn!) and have not been aroused. However, troublingly, i have done this twice and felt subsequently felt the urge to go masturbate to heterosexual porn. AM I subconsciously covering up an attraction?As far as OCD goes, I have not felt so paranoid about something for a very long time. However, I have been under a lot of stress lately and my grandfather who I am close to has just died. Could stress and grief spark up OCD like symptoms in a nonclinical patient?