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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5481
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am very lost not sure what to do.

Resolved Question:

I am very lost not sure what to do. I have had numerous misdiagnosed medical issues. It started as sleep apnea overturned to asthma (I have asthma like conditions during the day) asthma dtr thought Gerd. I seen a GI dtr I have an endoscopy in 10 days that I am going to move up. I talked to another dtr I guess I could have (I have all the systoms) of spasms of my thoart. It closes I gasp for air for minutes and then it opens. It is possible in some cases that it does not open you pass out and deaths have occurred. Dtr said to get the surgery done for proper diagnosis which makes sense. The problem I have I have no one to talk to. I am planning on a support group and return to therapy but my family doesn't want to hear about my medical stuff daily but I am living in fear of my life. I am dealing with this alone and considering when I get better (cause I not giving up) on getting a divorce. My husband has not once ask me how I feel; does not reply sometimes and just said yes he does care but never even gave me a hug. What is wrong with me that I expect my family to support me through this. What do people do that have Stage 4 or in hospice care. I assume they always have the medical support but do some of them go through that without family and friends. If so how do I? I have dropped some of these people already. I figured that they don't want to hear about it so why bother? This I believe is getting me depressed. I am on a lot of meds so I will ask my dtr about medical depression. Thanks.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It can be very difficult to struggle through medical issues. Many times, others do not understand what it feels like to face tests, results and possible life threatening situations. And having medical issues that are not fully diagnosed yet or that you are still the process of figuring out, you are left in limbo while others turn their attention to their own personal needs.

It sounds like you are surrounded by people who are particularly self centered. The fact that your husband has not even inquired about your medical situation is very telling. He should at least be interested in what you are going through, offering support to you. And it is not unreasonable to expect him to go to appointments with you as his time allows. Couples face illness together (for better or for worse) so he should be there.

There is nothing wrong with you in expecting others to care. While they may not drop everything to be there, expecting others to ask after your health, call you once in a while and send cards is not unreasonable. It may be that you are just surrounded by those who are more into their own lives than anyone else's.

Turning to support groups and a therapist is a good option. Sometimes people do not have anyone to rely on even if they do have families. There are many people in nursing homes that never see a family member come visit. It is an unfortunate issue for those who need the most care.

What you can do, along with support groups and therapy, is to try to build a better support base. Try going out to meet new people, especially ones who have the same interests as you. Join groups that support people who have the same medical problems as you have. Also, consider developing hobbies (as much as your health allows) so you meet new people all the time. By being as active as you can, you increase your chances of finding a group of very supportive friends.

Also, talk to your doctor about groups or others he/she may be aware of that are experiencing the same issues as you are. Offer your phone number so the doctor can pass it on to others to contact you. You may be able to start a support group of your own. Even if you just meet for coffee once in a while, it will be more support for you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5481
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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