We have already set up the college fund. My immediate problem is that they have to find a cheaper apartment and she says that they move to an area which is cheap but I know is really dangerous and the schools are rotten. Why does she not consider our help with rent as an indirect gift for her child ? Is this not selfish and false pride ?
I would concur that this is an issue of false pride.
I know this is upsetting but it is better to back off and allow this conflict to defuse.
This is a triangle that you have to remove yourself from it or it will continue to consume you.
Read this- it will help you understand about dysfunctional family triangles:
In time, your D-in-law may have to learn a life lesson.
I wish you the very best,
I appreciate your Positive Rating So that I receive Credit for my time.