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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5482
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have depression related to my narcissitic alcoholic husband...

Customer Question

I have depression related to my narcissitic alcoholic husband... I want a divorce but he wont leave.. he thinks has me believing its me... any suggestions
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

If your husband is narcissistic and does not see he has a problem, then it is highly unlikely he will ever get better. So getting out of the marriage is a good idea because he will continue to hurt you just as he is now.

When someone suffers from a personality disorder, it is very common for them to blame others for the things they themselves do. So for example if your husband yells at you, instead of saying he is sorry and seeing his part in the situation, he will say you caused him to yell at you. By doing this, it can cause you to feel like you are always at fault or being put down, which erodes your self esteem.

If your husband will not leave, you have two choices- you can still divorce him and ask your attorney if you can have him removed from your home or you can be the one to leave and file for divorce. He probably feels that none of what you feel is his fault so he won't leave because of that.

You may also want to seek counseling to help you work through what you have been through and so you can have support through the divorce process. Talk to your doctor about a referral or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate




May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5482
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

He also gets mad @ me when I do things with my friends and ALWAYS turns everything I say around the wrong way. I cannot live like this

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
I understand. If you are living with someone who has a personality disorder, then you may feel confused, upset, frustrated and maybe even unworthy. Someone with a personality disorder is hard to live with. But there are ways to help yourself so you know how to respond. First, learn more about personality disorders. Here are some resources to help you:

http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders

http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydisorders/a/personalitydis.htm

Also, you can try these ideas:

If your husband won't get help or change in any way (common with someone with a personality disorder), you may have to change how you interact with him. One thing that helps is to see what he does as about his own issues and not you.

Also, think of one phrase you can say to him that neutralizes anything he might say. such as "I'm sorry you feel that way". That usually shuts down the person and you can make a quick exit out of the situation.

Use "I" statements, such as "I feel bad when you...." It may help keep him from feeling defensive or at least let you get your feelings across.

Consider a family intervention. This is when all family members get together, preferably with a therapist, and gently confront the person with what they are doing. It is highly suggested that a therapist is used so the situation remains fair to everyone and no one ends up feeling hurt. And it also increases the chances that it is successful.


Thank you very much for the positive rating and bonus! I appreciate it.

Kate

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