Thanks for your question.
It sounds like you are getting some mixed signals from your ex, and if you've noticed that this has all gotten worse after he lost his mother, then it is likely that this is largely due to his grief and his trouble coping. If you feel like you can hang in there, it is possible that he will eventually pull through this. At the same time, unless he is actively doing something to work on some of this, these problems may continue to get worse or continue on for an extended period of time.
Sometimes in a situation like this, what he really needs is a little space so that he can get himself back in a frame of mind where he can be in a relationship. He may feel like he can't give you what you want right now, and there may be some truth to that. But it is possible that this is largely the depression talking, and once he has resolved some of these personal issues, he will feel more capable in general.
If he would be open to counseling, that would be the ideal situation for him right now, and it may also help him to figure out exactly where he stands with your relationship. Considering that he is working so hard, not going out, and is pushing people away, it would be a great benefit to him to get some outside advice and perspective as to how he can start to pull it all together, and move forward with the grieving process.
Getting an idea of whether or not he is willing to confront these issues may help you to make your own decision. If there is no end in sight to these problems that he is having, then it may be more difficult to hang in there if there is no telling if/when things will get better. At the same time, if you are seeing signs of his willingness to work on these issues, then even though he needs space now, that would be the most encouraging thing if you decide to continue to hang in there. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.