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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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I am emotionally exhausted. I went through a divorce two years

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I am emotionally exhausted. I went through a divorce two years ago after 18 years of marriage. My husband was older than me but not responsible so over 18 years, I was worn out. He did not stay employed, support me emotionally and like to hide from work. Shortly after I started dating a nice man who was emotionally supportive and funny. Over the course of time he has struggled with getting to see his daughter. He goes to a psychologist suggested by the court, etc. His ex tells him the daughter does not want to see him and so forth. It has escalated to where the daughter is now sending him letters saying he's not her father, etc. It's been nine years of this. So, as the significant other, I see no resolution and he is constantly in contact through text with the ex. A few people have offered professional advice or information based on experience and he won't take it. I feel like I ma back in a non-loving relationship with a man who doesn't want to let go but can't commit either. I have been diagnosed with GAS and started taking Celexa because I have had anxiety attacks even to the point of a linguistic spasm and nearly passed out in a restaurant. Do I leave this man in his time of need?
Thanks for your question.

I can certainly respect your concerns for leaving him in his time of need. It sounds like this is a very difficult time for him. While I know that you don't want to hurt him, it does sound like things have reached a point where you have to strongly consider how much this relationship has been hurting yourself. If you're having anxiety attacks and have to take medication mainly as a result of this relationship, then that is a sure sign that this relationship has started to have a negative impact on your life.

Nine years is a long time to put into a relationship, and there probably won't come a time where you'll feel 100% confident in ending it. I can understand why you would consider staying with him if it would benefit him in a lot of ways. However, there does come a point where you have to put yourself first. It sounds like you have done your best to hang in there, but if there is no end in sight to this problem, then it can be best for both of you to end this sooner rather than later. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Ryan
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