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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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how to deal with him controling me and the arguements i am

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how to deal with him controling me and the arguements i am at my wits end and no friends to talk too
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your partner is emotionally abusive. And when someone is abusive, they tend to see everything as someone else's fault. In this case, your partner has directed his abuse at you. Why he does this is not clear. Regardless of the reasons, however, you do not deserve being treated this way by your partner, particularly with the stress you are under with your heart condition.

When dealing with someone abusive, it is often very hard to reason with them. They do not feel they are at fault. So trying to talk to them or get them to understand they are hurting you is difficult, if not impossible. So the only control you do have is how you react to the abuse. One way is to restrict your partner's access to you. Only see him when you feel you can deal with his behavior.

Another way is when you do deal with your partner, one of the best ways to respond to his abuse is with "I'm sorry you feel that way". That does not stop the arguments from hurting you, but it does give him very little to respond to if that is all you say. People who are abusive like when you get upset because they know they are getting to you. By staying neutral in your response, you prevent your partner from getting what he wants.

You mentioned having little support outside of this relationship. If you do not have family or friends, you may want to seek support through on line support groups or in person groups. They can help you connect with others who are experiencing what you are going through. They also have a social component to them, letting you feel part of a group and not alone anymore. Here are some resources to help:

I hope this has helped you,

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
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