my boyfriend from another country broke up with me after his dad died. As he hadnt contacted me for few days i didnt know what happened. doubts set in and i criticised and maligned him. eventually he asked me to move on in life. said its just not mean to be for us. What should i do? i really want to be with him
What i forget to add was that i was visiting him in his country when his dad passed away in another country. When i returned to my country, he hasnt contacted me at all. thus i kept sending him mesaages and email. Till doubts set it. We only dated for 4 months.
He mentioned that he is not even sure whether he needs to relocate to the country his mum is staying now.
He said i had been accusing him of sincerity. he is a divorcee with 2 sons aged 17 and 21, who are staying with him.
He asked me to move on. i have a lot to offer someone and will make that person happy. ended with it is just not meant to be for us.
What should i do to win him back? I was supposed to visit him in 3 weeks time in his country. I really love him
We have been very loving since we dated in Oct. we text each other daily an average of 10 texts. we have never argued. This only happened 2 weeks ago. when he was supposed to me meet me in my hotel but his dad died. i thought he lied. But i realised its truth. When i was there, he introduced me to his best friend and cousin. sent me an email on the night he was to meet me, to say his dad had a stroke and he was serious with me in this relationship. I was very sad when he didnt contact me when i am back in my country. I guess i had issues with trust. its my first LDR. I was worried. he knew i had already made arrangements to fly in March. I started leashing out on him last Saturday when I felt he was purposely avoiding me. i even doubted he was in another country. But indeed he is. He said i compounded his issues. having to deal with his dad's death, settling isses, leaving his sons alone in his country and then his mum refusing to fly back with him. and his job giving him stress if he doesnt return soon.
I told him if he is out to cut off from me, say so. dont lie and avoid me. I guess i was harsh.
its only 4 months but we we going to make it work. But now he merely said, I didnt know what he meant when he said he is not ready for any relationship now. He meant it. Asked me to move on.
Does it mean there is no love for me? or is overtaken by his stress?
I was thinking to continue with my fly to visit his country... he knows the date. Should i give him a call when i am there? Well, to date, i am not sure he is back in his country. but last weekend he was not.
You have been the most helpful.
Two people i spoke to, said i was not wrong to lash out on him. He shouldnt have not meet me before i fly back to my country. They said he is insincere. Then when i came back, he didnt contact me. So i was affected. I actually believed he was sincere and and i know him, he likes to keep to himself when things happened. after that he would share.
Yes, we text each other every two hours for the past four months. we know each other from an online dating site. I only met him twice when i flew two weeks ago. We agreed i would fly in march and then in April he would fly over.
Once he nearly broke off with me thinking i was a party goer. Misunderstanding cleared. We never argued about issues between us. Only misunderstanding. This is because he likes keeping things to himself. The day i saw him before his dad incident happened, he looked distracted. i asked him. he didnt say anything. Only via the email I found out about his dad and how serious he is with me in this relationship when i lash out him before i returned to my country via text messages.
We both shared our past. And we talked about me relocating to his country to work or we work elsewhere.
Everything seems so lost now. I feel very sad. I told him I am willing to wait. it was all ok till the final lashing last Saturday. Then he said" I really am not in a position to be in any relationship at all now."
I thought sending him a reply to say how much i love him and i will be support for him.. would be sweet. yet... he replied "I really don't think you understood me when I said that I am not in a positionfor any relationship now. I meant it.I have some decisions I need to make about where I will live and what I will do.It's already complicated enough without having to think about anyone else as well.Please move on with your life and find someone who is right for you.You have a lot to offer and will make someone happy - it's just not meant to be for us."
I did sent him 3 reply. telling him i still care for him as a friend. though one of it.. i said he didnt appreciate and cherish me.
This was just Monday. After that, he did not reply neither did i communcate with him anymore.
I am really lost. Actually my intention was to fly. but not informing him. when i am there then perhaps drop him a text. I dont know.
It is really affecting me... I am so confused. I guess i hurt him by insulting him for playing with my feelings and even questioned if his dad really died.
Also at this time, his ex is creating trouble. asking for extra child support money as she is helping to look after one of the son.
Seriously, do u think he might come around and contact me if i were to wait it out?
I have forgotten to add that this is not his first LDR. the previous gf of 2 years was also LDR.
To clarify myself, he was distracted when i met him as he had bad dreams about things happening to his dad. and he didnt share till in the email.
u know, i should have just asked u all these rather than my friends. other wise things would have been better. He did say in the very first email he sent after last Sat i lashed out on him. All he wanted was a little time to sort things out. but i used words like "he is not a man, all he wanted was intimacy, sex, insincere, doesnt like me etc etc" He replied "Your calls and texts while having to deal with the myriad issues of church, funeral preparations and wills etc while at the same time grieving for his loss, simply compounded things. And then accusations of lying, not being a man, just wanting sex, being insincere and whatever else, I simply have not had the mental energy to focus upon has really added an extra unneeded layer to my problems."
I really feel i have hurt him.
I actually told him i booked the ticket to fly and hotel. I cant refund it. can only entitled to change dates and country to fly.
Well, i dont even know where he is now. I guess i really doubted him.. as he is my first LDR and online guy. I even fb his son in pte message asking hows his dad when i didnt hear from my bf for days. well, his son didnt reply as my mail wasnt read. no his son have not met me but according to his dad, he told them he was seeing me.
I am guilty actually. I really want this guy alot. we share similar interests. the recent trip to see him i bought him books and CDs and it was what he likes.he was very touched.
That was why i feel lost. I flew there 4 days. saw him 2 days only. I felt he was insincere. but when i looked through all the messages he ever text me since last Oct, i realised he was sincere. the other 2 days he was really caught up with his dad's death. I guess i just couldnt undertsand why he cannot even text me to say where he is now.
I mean even though he carries his hp, i dont know why he had to email me instead of texting. it added to my doubts.
Right now, i am shattered. it took me long to accept him. I really hope he will contact me soon. For now, i wont do anything. but to pray for him. I guess u are right, he does love me. he did sent me this email before the lashing on Saturday. the day before i flew back.
"Please know that I would never have introduced you to my best friend and cousin and told my boys that I'm seeing you, if I were not serious. It is not easy living away from parents, being a single father and trying to concentrate on my own needs as well. Although I don't easily declare my love, and may come across as cold, but continuing our correspondence for so long, sending songs, andspending as much time as I could etc at home so i can have moretime with you, is not something I would do, just for a game. "
Thats really saddens me each time i read the email.
i regretted my insults and doubts on him.
Its been 2 weeks since his dad passed away.
But its only 3 days since he emailed me to stop the relationship.
yes, it complicated things when his ex wife harrassed him. he hates it. and his job doesnt allow him to apply many leave. yet he is guilty of leaving his mum alone in her country.
Really hope things can have a turn around when he returned back his country. I am depressed.
I guess i have to wait. But i am dying to know, does a 4 mnth old relationship warrant a guy to want back his gf after he broke up?
And u know whats my two greatest fears?
That he deleted my contact number and email.
And that he falls for another girl.
And yes, i cant call him, as he may not want to pick up my calls
Thank you so much.
I did send him an email and text messages explaining why i lashed out on him on Saturday prior to his "breaking off" with me email.
I guess i have to give him time.
If i were to email him now to explain that will push him further.
Yep, I will just pray for peace. I guess i have to work on myself too on trust issues.
Just hope he will contact me before i could.