u know, i should have just asked u all these rather than my friends. other wise things would have been better. He did say in the very first email he sent after last Sat i lashed out on him. All he wanted was a little time to sort things out. but i used words like "he is not a man, all he wanted was intimacy, sex, insincere, doesnt like me etc etc" He replied "Your calls and texts while having to deal with the myriad issues of church, funeral preparations and wills etc while at the same time grieving for his loss, simply compounded things. And then accusations of lying, not being a man, just wanting sex, being insincere and whatever else, I simply have not had the mental energy to focus upon has really added an extra unneeded layer to my problems."
I really feel i have hurt him.
I actually told him i booked the ticket to fly and hotel. I cant refund it. can only entitled to change dates and country to fly.
Well, i dont even know where he is now. I guess i really doubted him.. as he is my first LDR and online guy. I even fb his son in pte message asking hows his dad when i didnt hear from my bf for days. well, his son didnt reply as my mail wasnt read. no his son have not met me but according to his dad, he told them he was seeing me.
I am guilty actually. I really want this guy alot. we share similar interests. the recent trip to see him i bought him books and CDs and it was what he likes.he was very touched.
That was why i feel lost. I flew there 4 days. saw him 2 days only. I felt he was insincere. but when i looked through all the messages he ever text me since last Oct, i realised he was sincere. the other 2 days he was really caught up with his dad's death. I guess i just couldnt undertsand why he cannot even text me to say where he is now.
I mean even though he carries his hp, i dont know why he had to email me instead of texting. it added to my doubts.
Right now, i am shattered. it took me long to accept him. I really hope he will contact me soon. For now, i wont do anything. but to pray for him. I guess u are right, he does love me. he did sent me this email before the lashing on Saturday. the day before i flew back.
"Please know that I would never have introduced you to my best friend and cousin and told my boys that I'm seeing you, if I were not serious. It is not easy living away from parents, being a single father and trying to concentrate on my own needs as well. Although I don't easily declare my love, and may come across as cold, but continuing our correspondence for so long, sending songs, and
spending as much time as I could etc at home so i can have more
time with you, is not something I would do, just for a game. "
Thats really saddens me each time i read the email.
i regretted my insults and doubts on him.
Its been 2 weeks since his dad passed away.
But its only 3 days since he emailed me to stop the relationship.
yes, it complicated things when his ex wife harrassed him. he hates it. and his job doesnt allow him to apply many leave. yet he is guilty of leaving his mum alone in her country.
Really hope things can have a turn around when he returned back his country. I am depressed.
I guess i have to wait. But i am dying to know, does a 4 mnth old relationship warrant a guy to want back his gf after he broke up?
And u know whats my two greatest fears?
That he deleted my contact number and email.
And that he falls for another girl.
And yes, i cant call him, as he may not want to pick up my calls