I would like to help you with your question. I can understand why you are confused by your behavior and wanting to get some reassurance about what is happening and also some guidance.
The tug of war that you describe sounds like ambivalence..that is, you feel comfortable being alone..but then after a while the loneliness is too much for you and you want people. So you vacillate between those two states of wanting loneliness and wanting contact....with neither state feeling fulfilling for very long.
Can you tell me what you are saying to yourself when you don't want to see or be with anyone? And..what do you say to yourself when you want to see and be with others?
The "do nothing" you write of puts you in a position of not having to make any choices. You get to "exist"...and basically stay numb. Is this right?
Tell me a little more about what "you should go" means...
so...the do nothing is a place of rest...where you can maybe recharge your batteries...
where you can "be" without any pressure to act or think or talk or do anything...
And the "should go" is like a voice of warning that says....take the invitation because if you don't some day there will be no invitations...
The amount of recharging we need is dependent on many things. It could be related to the antidepressant medication, it could be the time of year and the fact that the amount of sunshine you are getting (Vitamin D) is low, it could be related to hormones level, etc. etc. So "normal" is really hard to define. Have you been seen by a physician lately? Depression does effect energy levels.
Have you ever engaged in psychotherapy?
Yes...I am familiar with these counseling centers and you are correct in questioning the professionalism and skills of the therapist.
Are you feeling that therapy would be beneficial again?
Study after study shows that the best prognosis for depression is medication and therapy.
I would encourage you to get back into therapy...this time with someone with a higher skill level - a licensed psychologist.
I am glad you can see the pattern! Yahoo!
Sometimes starting from scratch really gives us the opportunity to take a fresh look at what is going on in our life and benefit from a new, unique perspective offered by the new therapist.
I am going to make things simple for you and give you a wonderful resource from which to locate a new therapist:
On the home page, you will see an icon on the top bar that says: Find a Therapist.
Click on the icon and you will be asked to put in the name of your city and/or zip code. You will then be provided a list of therapists. On the left hand side of the page you can chose from a number of specialties.
Go through the list of therapists...read through the bios...check out their personal websites (if listed).
I trust you are savvy enough to find 2-3 that look good to you. Call them...ask them about their experience with clients like you. Set up an appointment and go from there...
You are exactly right...very few psychiatrist do psychotherapy....so the best plan is a psychiatrist to work with the medication side of the things and a psychotherapist to work with the emotional side of things.
I suggest you stay with the psychiatrist and find a psychologist. The reality is that there is a shortage of psychiatrists in the U.S. and an even greater shorter of psychiatrists who do therapy. So...if you already have a psychiatrist you are working with...stick with him/her.
You are very welcome!
Is there any last question I can help you with?
You are welcome!