Hi, Bruce! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly stuck in a difficult situation here. But Bruce, I'm hearing also some self sabotaging going on. What do I mean?
There are a number of practical things you can do that we together can think of right off the bat: you're in a pick up, you say, not an 18 wheeler. So you can take an extra 10 minutes to go to a supermarket or Walmart and get fresh fruits and veggies, etc. Equally important, you can stop at the side of the road and put on 2-3 pound ankle weights and take a power walk or run, right? And you can even put on a backpack with 10# XXXXX books inside. With those weights and the backpack, a 15 minute walk becomes equivalent to a 30 minute exercise session. I know because I was just discussing this very thing last week with an internist about patients who bring up your same problem.
Bruce, those two small changes in your current schedule, even with your 15 hour days, will by themselves make an amazing difference in your health, physique, and depression. And you're clearly a smart man: you can come up with a couple more ideas to supplement these two.
But this brings us to the self sabotaging. Bruce, when I was talking with the internist, our conversation quickly moved into the realm of motivation. And there's a lot of NEGATIVE motivation when it comes to exercise, eating right, etc. How does that apply to you?
I notice you said you used to work out, etc. every night. But what it meant to you was the most important thing: you had a sense of yourself, who you are, what you're about, what life's about, what you wanted from life, what life meant to you, etc.
And now it's been upended. This job has taken over your life and all those things I wrote about above. You even write it that way:
"The trouble is"; "I'm stuck"; "I cannot leave"; "I feel like crap".
Do you see the pattern here? Right. This is all negative. You can't leave the job so you sabotage it. I'm not saying that you'll sabotage it till you have to leave it whether you want to or not because you'll be too fat, too ill, or too depressed. But you're seeing all the negatives and not looking for how to make it positive. So, I don't know if that means you need to make a deal with yourself about how long you'll stay in the job before you find a new position to transfer to, that might help giving yourself an end date.
But for sure, you're such a good person, you need to recognize that you want more out of life and that you have to treat this job as part of your journey and to make it work with the suggestions I made and maybe an end date. And I would like you to commit yourself to apply the principles in the following videos and books to your worries about anxiety. So that you can be yourself with more confidence. Coach yourself. Be your own life coach! I want you to get really into motivational videos and books. Here's a simple YouTube search I put together on "motivational speakers":
Some like Tony Robbins are the classic big guys. Some are newer. Watch them all. Get inspired. Buy a book or two. Here are some possibilities, but they are only suggestions as there are so many good ones.
The first book is the father of all these type of books. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. There are classes in these books now! It was written in the 1930s and still has something to say to us today that is very worthwhile.
I think very highly of the second book on my list, which is a real classic: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. It is the book that has helped more people than probably any other.
The third book is by Anthony Robbins. He's one of those speakers who fills up huge auditoriums. For a reason. He's a terrific speaker and writer. The particular book (if you like it, try his others): Awaken the Giant Within. I really like this book.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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