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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5425
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I think my husband has a psycological disorder. He has cheated

Customer Question

I think my husband has a psycological disorder. He has cheated on me with a few women in the past and lied even when i had proof. I recently read his emails and he hooked up with at least one woman from a hook up website and it seems that this isn't the only one. I calmly confronted him and he started screaming and hollaring and just like every time this happens he flips it around (continues to lie) and starts to verbally blame and attack me. I think he has no concions or guilt. I think he honestly believes his lies and he constantly is manipulating me and saying hurtful things. I really think he convinces myself that I am the problem. Like everyone, I am not perfect but I try to make him happy and i have never cheated on him. When i cry to him about the pain i am in he laughs at me and never apologizes. Just walks out. He doesn't give me any attention, and doesn't show love other than saying he loves me. It feels like I am married to a robot with no emotions. What is going on because being together for 7 years I have tried to understand but it has only gotten worse with time.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

There are two concerns in your situation. One, your husband is emotionally abusing you. When you come to him in pain, crying and he laughs, that is emotional abuse. He is trying to make you feel bad and he is ignoring your needs in favor of his own.

Two, your husband is chronically cheating on you. Just the fact that he does cheat and does not see an issue with it even when it hurts you and you present him with proof says that he doesn't care about anyone's needs but his own.

You describe your husband as a robot with no emotions. That is basically saying that he doesn't care about anyone else but himself and his own needs.

Because your husband will not stop hurting you and will not address his issues, that leaves you little choice but to decide how you want to react. Although it is unlikely he will seek therapy with you, it is worth trying to ask him. But if he won't go, go on your own. You deserve the support and you need to talk out how you want to respond to your husband's problems.

You also may want to try a controlled separation. This allows you to be apart and to see if that helps your husband see how serious this issue is between you. It also gives you a break from your husband's behavior and ill treatment of you.

You can also learn more about abusive relationships and the effect it has on spouses. And excellent resource to help you is:

Should I Stay or Should I Go? By Lundy Bancroft

It can help you to sort out what you feel about your marriage and what you feel you need to do to take care of yourself.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate




May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5425
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you very much for the positive rating and bonus! I appreciate it.

My best to you. Take care,

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Is there possibly a psycological illness that can be helped in some way?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
If he was willing to get help, then yes it could be addressed. But if he has no insight and doesn't see his behavior as a problem, then he will probably stay this way. It takes a willingness to see that there is an issue in the first place before someone can be helped.

Kate

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