Thanks Ryan. It really had to be. He locked me in at times. He sexually assulted me. But then there was the very intense proclamation of his love for me. He published a novel that had long beautiful scenes about me and his love for me. He mentioned my name. He was the love of my life. I thought. I am getting bad anxiety. And feellings like I want to run back. But I am in a different state- I flew here on friday. He followed me to the airport- just guessing I was there. But I didn't see him then or answer his calls. If felt like I was the worst cruest person. Because he seems to me to be sick, like a part of him does love me? But he loves the me he knew when I was 16. I think. Not so much the woman i am now. He called me "little girl" He talked about when I was in high school all the time. It didn't really feel real. what can i do to calm down? Will I have peace in my heart again? Why do I still want to please him and not want him to stop loving me??? (I won't go on much more, promise, but could you help just a bit more?