My husband has been engaging in increasingly dangerous S&M sex recently with a mistress (choking until unconscious / holding head under water / hand over mouth/nose) and told me he had some thoughts in the night a while back about how to kill me (he says this was a long time ago and was only a kind of technical thought rather than a plan! ). I am involved in a lot of areas of his life as I run the house and I work for/with him as well so I am wondering if these are issues with control? I should point out that the affair is very out of character!
Wondering if he needs professional help? He says his taste for this has only developed in last couple of years. I think he is in midlife crisis.
Hi Kate - sorry but yes I would like to ask you some more please. I am interested in the motivation behind the affair and what you think as an expert.
It is out of character for him to behave this way, we have been together almost 22 years and anyone that knows us would tell you he is just not someone you would suspect of this kind of thing.
The other woman is (on the surface) quite similar to me, strong personality, tall, similar body type, and i wondered if it is possible he picked her as a 'substitute' for me that he could 'punish'? He has told me it was not an emotional choice and he only developed feelings for her after a few months.
When I first knew about the type of sex they were engaging in I asked him when he had started craving it and why he had not spoken to me and he said he didn't want to do those things to me, that our sex was more loving.