How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jean Your Own Question

Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
66147936
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Jean is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My daughter is getting out of her 4th rehab soon. She called

Resolved Question:

My daughter is getting out of her 4th rehab soon. She called yesterday and said it has not helped her because they don't do duel diagnosis treatment. She is severly mentally ill and totally out of control with alcohol. She was arrested for DUI with a blood level of 2.9
When I asked her how that happened she says she has absolutely no memory of ever getting in the car; driving 20 miles (her county is a dry county) buying the booze, drinking the whole bottle and trying to make it home. She remembers nothing of the police or anything else until the next morning when her dad woke her up.
Here's the worst problem: We have no more money to pay for rehab. We spent $12,000 on this last one. Our life savings is almost gone but she is giving two different release dates; one to me and one to her dad. She is out of state from both of us. I can not get information from the rehab center; they will never confirm nor deny she is there. My ultimate fear is she will be released on the 27th as scheduled and we will never see her again as no one would be at the airport to pick her up if she did get on the plane. I think she called me to say goodbye because when I asked her if she still wanted to kill herself she said she didn't want to answer that question; so that means yes. She needs to be committed to a long term mental health facility but we have no way to pay. I feel it's the only way we can save her life. She says she can not stand the pain she feels in her heart and soul and has no hope of ever getting better. Everyone wants to blame the booze but I can swear to you her mental health situation is the primary contributory factor. She drinks to forget the pain. How can I save her life from 1,000 miles away? She has made 3 previous suicide attempts including slashing her wrists, overdosing and most recently she has spoken about getting the neighbors gun while she's not home. I too suffer from depression but have never had a drop of alcohol and I am just melting down over this heartbreaking situation.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I'd like to help you. I'm sorry for your pain in all of this.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

How old is your daughter? 34?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Alcohol and drug abuse is painful for the entire family. To watch your loved one on such a path of destruction. If she is an adult and she can not pay for services herself, she may qualify for something through the county where she resides.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

No matter how much money you invest in treatment it's important that she's ready for the battle to quit, or like you said, finding a treatment center that is more dual diagnosis.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, are you able to join the live chat?

Customer:

Hi there - yes I'm here.

Customer:

So you are saying that because she is a resident of Arkansas that is where she may qualify for free or low cost treatment?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Thanks for joining me- so sorry for your daughter's ongoing struggle- family struggle.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes

Customer:

And she could not get help in California where she is currently in rehab or Arizona where I live?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm not as familiar with the services in that state/county, but it may be worth checking into. She may need to be a resident of that county for a period of time.

Customer:

Yes I would think that would apply. It is important for you to know that during the course of one of her rehab treatments they did a MRI which indicated some brain injury from a car accident that occured when she was two. The wheel of the car ran over her head; she suffered a skull fracture but required no treatment other that 24 hour "watch".

Customer:

At 13 she began cutting herself on her arms; we did not know because she wore long sleeves to cover it up. At 14 she ran away and planned on killing herself at the beach; she had given away all her possesions to "friends" who did not notify us of any problem. Thank God the police found her and we immediately put her in rehab at that time

Jean N/20pluscounts :

There are county crisis programs and resources that may be better able to assist you with that. Find the local department of human services and they can direct you more specifically to services. You may have better luck reaching someone during the week day. Many if not most states have county funding for those who can not afford- referred to "indigent". She's lived a tough life in her young age!! She may be dealing with special/unique challenges with the head injury. Can not imagine it wouldn't affect her- such a trauma to her head.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Has she ever been adequately managed with medication?

Customer:

on and off with Prozac. She could manage before she met and married her husband because our family did not drink. She began drinking with him but he threw her out when she called him to come home from work and she had slashed herself leaving blood all over the walls. When she got out of rehab all her stuff was on the porch and the locks were changed.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Has she had extensive psychological evaluations? Finding specifically what her diagnosis is to treat her effectively is important. If someone who has a mood disorder such as Bipolar, is treated with an antidepressant it can actually make the disorder/symptoms worse. If it is a mood disorder she needs a mood stabilizer.

Customer:

According to my daughter, she has not been diagnosed as bi-polar; however her father's mother suffered greatly with bi-polar. My daughter doesn't seem to have the "highs", just the lows.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

She also is likely suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder- there is specific treatment for that- DBT- Dialectical Behavior Therapy- structured, typically done in a group setting.

Customer:

The problem is, because she is an adult, the Drs/therapists won't discuss with us.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The self abuse, cutting, and suicidal stuff can be part of the borderline traits.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Right- she will have to take more initiative- may be worth a call to the county to see what the options are to assist your daughter.

Customer:

She has sat next to me crying saying she's crazy and she KNOWS she's crazy but no one but me feels this is a BIG part of why she can not beat the alcoholism.

Customer:

Her father says he is "done" with her but I can not give up on my daughter. I am amazed that she remembers nothing of getting in her car, drinking a whole bottle of alcohol then attempting to drive home. She remembers nothing of being arrested or taken to jail. No memory until the following morning.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You can offer and offer, give her your arm, but she will need to decide it's time for change. If she's not able to do that, that is where it can be determined if she needs something more structured psych/aoda/dual diagnosis. Tell her there is hope- may have to work hard at looking for that help- do not give up- but again, she will need to take advantage of services if they are offered. Sadly she may not take what is offered- all you can do is help her find the resources- or go with her to find out more. She blacked out- part of the progression of alcoholism.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Someone once said they drove from Florida to California remembering nothing- intoxicated. That same person is now been in recovery many many years.

Customer:

I honestly feel she needs to be incarcerated in a psychological facility for a period of at least a year. Would you agree with that?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If she threatens to harm herself may need to get the police involved for something to be done- the police can get her to a hospital.

Customer:

Well, her refusal to answer my question yesterday of whether she still wanted to die is plenty of an answer for me. She has freely talked about it with me before.

Customer:

I know she is a danger to herself but I need to get her help fast.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes, if I were her- her mother I would agree about placement in a secure setting- there are steps to take to get to that point- have to exhaust all other resources. She somehow needs to get into the "system" such as the county. In some states family members can "commit" someone.

Customer:

Her father lives with her but he told her - she takes one more drink and she's going to jail and he WILL NOT pay her $1700 fine

Jean N/20pluscounts :

A certain number of family members sign a petition for chaptering the person. No don't pay her fine- she needs to feel the consequences!!

Customer:

But I don't feel that jail is going to have a beneficial result on her.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Family members unknowingly enable the addiction by bailing them out.

Customer:

She will hang herself with her bed sheets

Customer:

We DO want to stop the enabling

Jean N/20pluscounts :

No jail is not treatment but it may get her in the "system". This is scary for you I'm sure.

Customer:

Terrifying

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If she makes a statement that will harm herself you must call the police and they can do a safety check on her.

Customer:

OK but there is another problem. She has a 12 year old daughter; my ex-husband is trying to get legal gaurdianship now. She can not go to foster care; that is unacceptable and if we get the police involved is that a possibility?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's sad, because you know she's miserable, but also very lost. See if you can locate a crisis number for the county she resides in- could start with the county sheriff or police dept.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

No, typically the family is preferred for placement of a child.

Customer:

Her grandpa has to work so the little girl is home alone at times BUT I could take a family medical leave and go there for as long as I'm needed.

Customer:

My ex really doesn't want me around but someone would be there for the child who will be 13 in two weeks

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Thank goodness for family medical leave- great benefit!! You may feel better being closer- knowing what is going on.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

She is still a child and needs her family.

Customer:

She is doing great; they have gone to the AA meetings for relatives and she has a good grasp on the situation.

Customer:

I'm afraid since he works 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. including weekends the police would think that is not enough "parenting".

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes, support is important for the 13 year old- it will make her a wise soul getting through all of this.You wonder what your daughter's "bottom" is, how bad does it have to get before she turns a corner?? I see what you mean- she is 13- she can spend time alone.

Customer:

Yes, what is the "bottom" my ex feels that jail may wake her up

Jean N/20pluscounts :

There are laws in states about when it's appropriate for a child to be alone 12 plus usually.

Customer:

oh really? Maybe I can look that up on the internet.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

yes- it is a specific law

Customer:

My feeling is that she is too mentally ill to make good decisions and he feels like she's a spoiled brat who wants what she wants when she wants it. Any idea who is right here?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do know you are doing the best you can considering the situation- she is an adult- like I said you can offer but she needs to accept. I think she is dealing with mental illness- but it becomes a family illness with the enabling stuff.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Enabling is typically family having good intentions

Customer:

He wants to throw her out on the streets with no money and let her sink or swim. I know that will be the end of her.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Helping/saving, but the person does not then feel the consequences because others "fix" it.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It may have to get that bad for her to get the help, sadly.

Customer:

You have been SO helpful; I thank you for listening and please say a prayer for her. I will absolutely give you an outstanding rating!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Maybe not that extreme- throwing her out- but you do want her to feel some discomfort- feel like she needs a change- feel a bit desperate before she surrenders.

Customer:

I think she IS feeling desperate because when her dad told her one more drink and she's going to jail she started crying and said "I can't go to jail"

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm so glad I could help- take the best care of you and the best you can of your family!! It is important for you to have support too- takes it out of you- exhausting.

Customer:

Thanks Again!

Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Jean and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Jean
Jean
Mental Health Professional
433 Satisfied Customers
Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)