Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. With the way this woman is treating you, you are not overreacting at all. Even if she is from another country, only someone with a problem would start treating their own relatives poorly. No one should ever call you fat, not matter where they are from. Nor should they try to get money from you or treat their mother in law as she does. It sounds like that is woman either has a personality disorder or she was spoiled growing up and has learned to treat others like they are beneath her. Either way, it is unlikely she will change unless she has a reason to. So that leaves you to decide how you want to react. If she does have a personality disorder it can be difficult to even be in the same room with her. Personality disorders are typically ingrained behaviors that someone develops, usually in response to being raised in a dysfunctional home. The person could not get their needs met (for unconditional love and attention) so they developed other ways to get what they needed which usually involved dysfunctional behaviors. When they grew up, they continued these behaviors even when they were no longer needed even if they are hurting others. Knowing what your sister in law has and how to react to her behavior can help. While there is no way to diagnose her without seeing her for an evaluation, the behavior you describe sounds like narcissistic or borderline type. Here is a link that can help you figure out what she might have: http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders Many people can have some traits of one personality disorder or they can have some traits of a couple of personality disorders. By finding a personality disorder that seems to fit, you can at least know what you might be dealing with. When dealing with someone with a personality disorder, it is helpful to keep in mind that they are not reacting to who you are as a person or even what you are doing. They are going by cues they learned long ago on how to relate to their world. And their responses can seem overwhelming and out of touch with the actual situation. They can also be very hurtful and hard to cope with. If your sister in law won't get help or change in any way (common with someone with a personality disorder), you may have to change how you interact with her. One thing that helps is to see what she does as about her own issues and not you. Also, think of one phrase you can say to her that neutralizes anything she might say. such as "I'm sorry you feel that way". That usually shuts down the person and you can make a quick exit out of the situation. Also, try to ignore most of what she does. If it is attention getting, ignoring her might cause her to act out, but it may also get her to realize that she won't be rewarded for her behavior. And if she asks to borrow money, tell her that you already loaned her money (and if you did not get it back mention that) and say you feel bad for her but you don't have any more to give. After a few times, she should stop asking. I hope this has helped you, Kate
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