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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I was involved in helping a female get away from a very abusive

Customer Question

I was involved in helping a female get away from a very abusive home. While helping I started having deep feelings for her. We are now dating and seeing each other every other weekend. I have known her for over a year now and she is the best thing to ever happen in my life. I love her very deeply. I am very proud to say she is the one for me. I know deeply she would make me a very proud husband. I would love to be more involved with her and her lifes struggles but she lives six hours away. We depend alot on phone calles and texts. In my heart I want more face to face but I own a very profitable bussiness and I dont want her moving back because of her ex and bad memories. Neither of us want each other to give up our goals or things we are proud of. Seems to me that we have more things against us than we have for us. What do I do? Do I let my angel go or do I continue to fight for what I believe in because I dont see us being together? She has started living and has created a proud life with the help of family and myself. We all love her and not want to ever see sorrow again. I am just having a hard time being without her!! She is love and friend. I would do anything for her, even let go, so she can get her love and happiness. I feel alone without her.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It was a very admirable thing you did helping your girlfriend out of an abusive relationship and assisting her in putting her life back together. Then to find yourselves in love had to be a wonderful surprise. The fact that she chose to move away from her bad memories and start a new life is a healthy way to handle what happened to her. But not being able to follow her has to be very difficult on you. It is obvious you love her. Having that distance between you would be very painful.

At this point, it sounds like you both have explored all the possible options for living in the same area. But for now, neither of you feels it is possible to give up what you have built individually in order to be together. And that is ok. The last thing you want to do is force yourselves to give up what you have built. You may end up resenting it and it could hurt your relationship.

Although it may be painful, you may want to keep trying your relationship as it is and wait it out. Sometimes changes occur in life that are unexpected so you may be able to eventually be together in the same place. Talking to each other as often as possible and spending vacations and holidays with each other can help you bond and make up for the time you can't see each other normally. Many couples who are together spend a lot of time apart due to traveling for work or other obligations so what you are dealing with is not so out of the ordinary. If you can find a way to make it work, then all the better.

However, if you both feel that having a relationship long distance is too much or that it is holding you back, it may be time to agree to just be friends and let each other move on. That doesn't mean you can't stay in touch or even see each other as often as possible, but by letting go you take the strain of being together off each other and let your relationship bloom in other ways. And your feelings for each other can still be there, you just are not forcing it to happen.

Either way you choose, you still always have the option to change things. You obviously both love each other and feel a strong and unique connection so you will probably always have that bond. And many people make friendships and relationships work over many miles for years at a time. With Facebook, Skype and other easier means to communicate, being far away in miles doesn't always mean giving up being close.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
This resource may help you as well:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-challenge-of-long-distance-relationships/all/1/

Kate




May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you very much for the positive rating and bonus! I appreciate it.

My best to you and your girlfriend,
Kate

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Mental Health Professional
5559 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.