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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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Years ago my high school sweet heart broke up with me and I

Resolved Question:

Years ago my high school sweet heart broke up with me and I started partying hard. She came to me one time to mend things but found out I was doing drugs. I thought I was cool and I would just continue to party and live happily ever after. Well I became an addict and married a girl and started thinking that I still loved the high school sweet heart and started calling her from work. I even went by her house one time when I heard she was sick I figured her family would welcome me with open arms. Needless to say that didn't happen her Mom reminded me I had married and needed to move on. One of the things that I think I also wanted was the life that her and her family had the were very close. Her parents were really good people. Well my wife left me and I eventually got sober and moved on with my life and married and raised a family. A coule of years ago I made contact with my high school sweethearts brother we had been best friends while me and his sister were dating. He finally had to let me go to due to acohol and drug abuse. The brother and I met at a small motorcycle event and talked about old times and eh caught me up on his family and I caught him up on mine. I was trying to make sure I wasn't initiating contact for the wrong reason even though being an addict I am prone to being self serving. The brother and I have loosely stayed in contact via facebook. I had in the past made apologized to his parents for the problems I had caused them. Well his Dad died February 14, 2013 and I called him and told him how sorry I was and he said he had been waiting on me to call, he knew I would. He said I didn't know how much it meant to him for me to call he said he would call me in a few days and we would talk fro awhile. Him and his Dad were very close and his Dad was a really good person and I had a lot of respect for him. Well I got caught up in the emotion and I wrote in the visitor book online at the funeral home that his Dad was one of the finest men that I had ever known and that our thoughts and prayers were with him and all the family and left my name. My wife and I also sent flowers. But for some reason this afternoon I was really second guessing myself about doing this. I was concerned that I had taken advantage of the situation for self reasons even though I had told myself I had checked my motives and they were just to let the brother know how bad I flet for his loss. I hope I haven't donw any damage to anyone during their time of grief this is really eating me up.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

I can understand why you would be 2nd guessing yourself...you have had a very long relationship with this family and have been a source of both joy and pain to various members. That you apologized to the parents in the past...likely went a long way in proving that you had changed and were willing to accept responsibility for your past negative behaviors. That the son said he was waiting for your to call...surely shows that you are a valued member of this family.

Dr. L :

The question I pose to you is this:

Dr. L :

Is it TRUE that the dad was a fine man? One of the finest you have ever known?

Dr. L :

Tell me honestly...

Dr. L :

I really don't think that you could do any harm to them in this period. The truth of the matter is that the family is in shock! About the only thing they will remember in these early days (and even weeks) is that people wrote or called or attended the wake or attended the funeral or stopped by their house. Even then...it will be a blur. How they will even remember these things is that some of these include a written record (the online visitor book, cards, a guest book) and otherwise people are likely to mention who was there and who wasn't.

Dr. L :

BotXXXXX XXXXXne here: your acknowledging the father's death by phone to your friend and by the online visitor book will serve to show that you cared and offered your condolences. End of story.

Customer:

Yes his Dad was a very good husband and father married 66 years and always was putting his family first. He was the kind of man that you would model yourself after for being a husband and father.

Dr. L :

Then you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty or upset about. You told the truth. That's all that counts.

Dr. L :

You did the right thing..you honored a man you admired!

Dr. L :

His family will appreciate that kindness...tremendously.

Customer:

I appreciate the advice they are just such good people that I really did not want to take advantage of the situation. You think everything I did was Ok then?

Dr. L :

Absolutely!

Customer:

Thank you very much

Dr. L :

There is no way you took advantage of the dad's death.

Dr. L :

You are very welcome!

Customer:

That is a load off!!!

Dr. L :

Glad to help you out here!

Dr. L :

You made a good choice. Start trusting your gut!!!

Customer:

Have a great week end

Dr. L :

You as well!

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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