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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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My husband had an emotional affair with this coworker. They

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My husband had an emotional affair with this coworker. They have been seeing each other for2-3 months. I suspected something was weird but didnt know what it was. He tried to tell me he wanted to be single and be apart but when I asked if there was someone else he said no. I just found out 5 days ago. This process seems like its going so fast. He was still lying about the truth. Sunday - Monday he was still sorry and wants all this to go away. Tuesday evening to Wednesday, he's telling me how much he loves her and he wants to be with her. In there time together, there were talks of babies and "kidding" about a wedding. What's happening? Is space what we really need. I did offer him/us some time but I feel I might push them together.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your question.

I'm terribly sorry to hear about what you've been going through with your husband. While I can understand your concerns about giving him space, it does seem like he needs to decide what he wants. If he feels like he needs space in order to figure that out, it may actually push him away to pressure him into doing something that he doesn't want to do. It is taking that risk that he will pursue this other woman, however if he is going to be in a relationship with you for the long term, he has to be 100% comfortable with the idea.

It's a tough position for you to be in, and it can be hard to say what will come of it. Some people take some space and that is what they need to put things into perspective. At that point they can rededicate themselves to the relationship. Marriage counseling may be necessary to repair some of the damage caused by this kind of betrayal.

A lot also depends on what has caused him to start feeling like this in the first place. Some people go through personal crisis' at different points in their lives, and it can manifest itself with these types of feelings even if the relationship has otherwise been fine. Other times it can be about problems directly related to your relationship, so if you have an idea of what led up to this behavior that could give you an indication of how likely he would be to get over this with some space.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know,

Ryan
Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Individual and Family Therapist
Ryan LCSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He tried to tell me he wanted to be single and be apart but when I asked if there was someone else he said no. That was in November. I just found out this sunday. I also have spoken to the other girl, she has told me what I do think is more truth because I confronted my husband and confirmed about it. He didn't lie that he has a wife but he told her we weren't together and made up crazy lies about me and how he was emotionally hurt by me and he can't open himself up to anyone after he claims I cheated on him! Which isn't even the truth. He even told her he beat the guy up? But there's no guy.
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
It sounds like your husband has gone to great lengths to create elaborate lies that he has told this other woman, in addition to continuously denying to you that no one else was involved. This is a pretty serious problem with honesty and it is going to require his genuine desire and effort to prove himself to be trustworthy again. Otherwise I would imagine that it would be very hard to trust him at this point, and you are certainly under no obligation to.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

he says now he feels trapped in the last 4 years and we have only been married for 2. Do i feel like I can trust him, Im not sure now. but I want to. To see him go through all this, breaks my heart. In one week, it has been 360. Monday, he feels betrayed me and the other girl because "we double teamed up and wanted to f*** his life" I spoke to him yesterday and now he feels a bit threaten that i might take the house and he feels like he has no one to talk to. and today he misses her. I know this because all our computers are synced and when I turned on my computer i just saw what he's has written I don't think he realizes. I feel absolutely terrible and want to just come and tell him, everything will be ok.

Expert:  Dr. G. replied 1 year ago.
Hello, it appears the expert who was working with you has "opted out" of this question. Is there something else you would like help with today mam?

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