I am gay had a friend whom I met four years back. We moved to live in same country where he came to stay with me. I am not sexually active, i.e. never touched or had sex before except at 16 with a paid prostitute. When I was sleeping my friend touched me and soon we started to give handjobs, then some oral sex sometimes, sometime we kiss but he never liked the kissing part that and linked the kiss to being homosexuals. Always he would tell me he loves me, hugs me ... but always carried himself as straight. recently he met a girl who hangs around with him and stuff and he says he loves her. Soon our relationship became weird, though he never had sex with woman, just kissed, even with this girl, I read a message where he was telling her that he had erections all day and she told him why you didn't empty he said I am embarrassed how can I do that infront of a girl. He slept in her place and came back after three days and slept with me. this is when I told took off his hand from me tried to kiss he said this is gay. Then soon I told him read the message he read where I told him I am in love with him. We slept morning went to work and came back sort of angry. Then evening he went to that girl where I am also invited but refused to go. He had a leash and shouted and took his stuff and said I can not be like this, I am like this with my friends, is this what you call brotherhood and friendship. Then he said I can not see you like this and said I will not forget the good things and say I am an asshole and left. Since then I didn't hear from him its been three days now, and I heard he met a friend older and married and told him he had a fight with me and said I have sent him a message which makes me either a woman or gay and he said but I am not or else I have been living with him and would have tried to hit on him and this never happened he said so he was denying also I was gay or he iswhich is surely a lie when it comes to me. Now I don't know if he is gay in denial bisexual, or...etc he always used to say I wanna marry etc and tells me whne u will marry , he has always been very affectionate although he is an angry character sometimes. Now I am confused in pain and don't know where this relationship stands as he is my first actual love and the only person whom I have touched ever other than the prostitute when I was 16. I am not sure whats next I don't what is he how can he say he loves me has these things then he says he wants to be with the woman..etc he is 25, the relationship sexualy is two and half years
Thank you. So you believe he is still trying to search to find his identity. So is he in denial or really he is straight. How can he be straight and be in such a sexual relationship o? How can he be in such a deep relationship and then say we are friends and then blame me for something he has started. Do you think he is just looking around to affirm he is straight , given that he has never had sex saying its for religious reasons, by the time he was doing it with me, I don't know the situation now by the way since he met this girl. All he has ever done was kiss a woman when he had sexual encounters with me. Please Don't worry about my emotional wellbeing in your reply because acknowledgment is first way to healing. I wanted to know what you think of the details.Please let me know the rest assured I am trying to move on bt still wait to see what going to come next.Cant understand straight men having relationships with gay.I wanted to know between the lines of what I have sent across what you believe as words that he has said might give an answer.
May I. Kindly have a phone consultation to discuss particulars please. thank u for your support much appreciated
From what I understand you mean he still doesn't know what he wants?Do you think he will call again and when do you think I should lose hope of his call?If he truly loved me how can he just go out of the relationship as simple as that?What do you think is he thinking of right now, especially that I was in tears when he broke my heart and left?Do you think he will soon realize his true calling and get back? How long is the quest usually? what do you read in the words he said before leaving? what do u read in him telling someone about what happened, i.e. this friend whom I heard from about what he told him?
I can not understand why he left on 13 February and ever since not heard from him whats happening?
I know my questions are a lot but I need your help, god bless u
Here are some ways to know if you should break it off.
I have taken your advise called him several times and didn't answer me.
I have sent him an email and expressed my pain. Expressed to him the great things I have given him. I have told him enough grieve and inflicting pain on me. I told him you know I have enough problems why do you ad to them. I told him I am broken, and told him I was never touched by anyone before I might have completed his desires but I have always touched, or hugged because I loved. I told him you took away my pride by doing so. I told him how god will hear your prayers I feel used.
He answered after half an hour and said:
I swear to god if you call or send me messages or ask about me or try to see me I will make you curse the day you were born, and I can go to jail after I kill you. He said I can accept everything but someone like you who is gay and in your way of thought fall in love with me and people talk of him as I am " he meant think he is gay". although no one knows I am publically. He said I resent I kissed you hugged you which are for a brother and friend, not dirty like me and he can not believe how I turned to be like this. he said one advise if you can not forget me kill yourself or I will kill you.
Please explain to me how can he do all this with me and suddenly say all these things. Is this denial or what I read about SMSM or is he really bisexual or gay but doesn't want to say. Where is this anger from, how can he say we are friends or brothers? after that I answered that no problem he can kill me as he killed me already I told him I am not dirty because I opened my heart without thinking of desires, I opened my heart has been a mother, a brother and a father when you needed me. and this is biggest reason why I am clean as a child. I told him at least leave a good memory I told him I am sad because he didn't share with me what makes him happy i.e. the relationship he says he is having. I told him there is so much to relations that I would have wanted him to share his happiness with me. I just ask if he was nt sexualy attracted to me why did he try to touch me when a woman is already available what is this fantasy, what is this anger, what is his perception of all that happened. Why he suddenly is acting like this and staying around with that girl. I am lost totally is it possible that he needs time to think. We shared a lot of good memories and I helped him a lot. He didn't answer me. I am totally confused. Please help and tell me simple and clear whats the issue, is he a pervert, what is this, and why is he trying an effort he even put a picture of a heart on his phone, is he fooling himself and flirting with the girl for affirmation or is he lost. Please need closure. He used to be very close to me then he changed.
Do you think he truly hates me now, how was this born in three days after years of love. I know he is usally an angry person, but whats wrong. I am overwhelmed. Please need to understand rather than get advise for coping. By the way your help so far has been great
what I hear is so sad. I understand that you always give me answers that will make me cope with the situation irrespective of what might happen next. So you believe I must move on and respect his feelings, but don't you ever predict later action, i.e. is there any chance he might change his mind later, any chance ever after what you heard in details.
how can he suddenly panic when he was already living his sexuality with me. Totally condused do u believe in rage he truly meant it or also there might be chance he can think over later
do u think h ever loved me and do you believe he has hated me in 3 days. Do u think he has a platonic affection to that girl and now he is trying to believe he is strictly straight is their any real emotion from what u heard or just a false denial but trying hard to convince himself how can u ask someone to kill himself or feel u wanna kill him I can understand where the hate comes from, do you think he has any pain can he think of anything good about me now, is he in thinking mode any feeling of nostalgia.
Do you think he is thinking of me during his relation with this girl any chance his heart is here, do u think by any chance he is really straight
Thank you bill.
I have one last question is it possible he is straight really.
Do you think he really hates me now or he is just trying to fool himself. Do you think deep inside he has love for me.
Do you believe he will fail in this relation and then realize the truth and maybe come back even after a long time.
Any chance of such a thing. Why do you think he told that person about our relationship and that I am in love with him.
What do you think is the type of relationship he has now with this girl, is it possible he can sleep with her and not think of me and detach from our two years together and our sexual encounters.
Do you think he is only making out " kissing" with her and fooling her and himself especially that when he came to bed after sleeping that day in her house came to touch me in bed second day. I believe he touched me in bed because he preferred me then. What do you think
And on my mind always does he really regret kissing me and cuddling me as he said. That painful to hear.
And also if he loves me as I believed, can he step on his emotions only for the sake of fear and panic which you have said.
Why do you believe as per your last reply that he wont ever come back, doesn't the heart one day control the mind and what is rational to do.