I have taken your advise called him several times and didn't answer me.
I have sent him an email and expressed my pain. Expressed to him the great things I have given him. I have told him enough grieve and inflicting pain on me. I told him you know I have enough problems why do you ad to them. I told him I am broken, and told him I was never touched by anyone before I might have completed his desires but I have always touched, or hugged because I loved. I told him you took away my pride by doing so. I told him how god will hear your prayers I feel used.
He answered after half an hour and said:
I swear to god if you call or send me messages or ask about me or try to see me I will make you curse the day you were born, and I can go to jail after I kill you. He said I can accept everything but someone like you who is gay and in your way of thought fall in love with me and people talk of him as I am " he meant think he is gay". although no one knows I am publically. He said I resent I kissed you hugged you which are for a brother and friend, not dirty like me and he can not believe how I turned to be like this. he said one advise if you can not forget me kill yourself or I will kill you.
Please explain to me how can he do all this with me and suddenly say all these things. Is this denial or what I read about SMSM or is he really bisexual or gay but doesn't want to say. Where is this anger from, how can he say we are friends or brothers? after that I answered that no problem he can kill me as he killed me already I told him I am not dirty because I opened my heart without thinking of desires, I opened my heart has been a mother, a brother and a father when you needed me. and this is biggest reason why I am clean as a child. I told him at least leave a good memory I told him I am sad because he didn't share with me what makes him happy i.e. the relationship he says he is having. I told him there is so much to relations that I would have wanted him to share his happiness with me. I just ask if he was nt sexualy attracted to me why did he try to touch me when a woman is already available what is this fantasy, what is this anger, what is his perception of all that happened. Why he suddenly is acting like this and staying around with that girl. I am lost totally is it possible that he needs time to think. We shared a lot of good memories and I helped him a lot. He didn't answer me. I am totally confused. Please help and tell me simple and clear whats the issue, is he a pervert, what is this, and why is he trying an effort he even put a picture of a heart on his phone, is he fooling himself and flirting with the girl for affirmation or is he lost. Please need closure. He used to be very close to me then he changed.
Do you think he truly hates me now, how was this born in three days after years of love. I know he is usally an angry person, but whats wrong. I am overwhelmed. Please need to understand rather than get advise for coping. By the way your help so far has been great