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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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My ex-girlfriend, (who is still living with me for now for

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My ex-girlfriend, (who is still living with me for now for financial reasons) keeps telling me that I am a sociopath with narcissistic personality disorder. I did cheat on her towards the end of the relationship after drinking too much, which I felt horrible about, but I had already told her that I wanted out at that point and thought we were breaking up. The relationship was a bad one. Even though we loved each other, we fought constantly and I got tired of being on eggshells. There are too many examples to get into, but I think she was unreasonably demanding, controlling, and at times verbally and emotionally abusive, although a lot of that stemmed from her being really insecure, which I recognize. I'm ashamed to say that I became at times verbally abusive towards the end of the relationship, too. Now, like I said, she keeps telling me that I have NPD, and that I'm also just a very bad and "disgusting" person. I admit, I do get "in my own head" a lot, and spend a lot of time "in my own world," but I don't think I'm better than anyone else and I think I have empathy for others. I did at times lie to her and hide things, but sometimes that was just easier than dealing with her directly because she could be so unreasonable about things, in my opinion. I'm worried though that there may be something to what she says; I've definitely not felt like a good person lately and her counselor has apparently told her that I've been abusive. Thank you.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

Although I can understand that this relationship certainly had some moments that you aren't proud of, it would be surprising if you have NPD. People who are truly narcissistic typically cannot see, and will not admit mistakes that they've made, and resort to blaming them all on the other person. Although there may have been things that happened that contributed to your actions, the fact that you are willing to take responsibility for these problems is a sign that you do not have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

That doesn't mean that there aren't things you can to work on. A lot of what you've described seems to have happened as a result of being in a relationship where you felt like you were walking on eggshells and controlled. It may have brought out some qualities in yourself that you aren't proud of, and it would be wise to work on them prior to getting involved in a relationship again. This relationship may not have been the best reflection of you as a person, but if you have the desire to improve these issues, there's no reason to believe that you lack empathy or the capacity to change.

To work on this may require to you go to counseling yourself in order to make progress in some of these areas. However, people who are truly narcissistic would not have asked these questions in the first place, so while there may be aspects of your personality that you want to improve upon, there's no reason to believe you have a more serious problem that would prevent changes from happening.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

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