its weird but i had had the fleeting thought when you had originally said about your mom i thought oh gosh i hope its not a mummified miscarriage. it is rare but if a pt has a missed abortion (never expels the fetus..) and is intact- the capsule - can be sectioned off from the body and mummifies. and later when the pt is older its found... of course the pt never had any further children.. we had a pt who was like 97 yr old asian pt who had this and of course it was a huge teaching case... and i okingly said are we sure shes not mumified. the poor thing was like 80lbs, mostly blind and deaf and only spoke cantonese. she was sweet enough, but i did get a laugh (yes im a laugh whore.,)now ill say this about your mom - that type of infection is considered to be an empyema. now i super hope they didnt stir up a huge can of worms. since it was encapsuled it was ok. opening that.. well im hoping it didnt contaminate anything. on another note - th findings on pelvic exam upset me b/c this has been going on from when you told me about it - for 2 months. so this saying they were willing to take her to the or for an exploratory abd surgery without doing a reg gyn pelvic exam. they skipped several steps. if they said ok come to the office for a pelvic, and they werent able to do it due to an issue dilating the cervix due to her age id understand, the cervix locks down with menopausal changes and esp if the pt is radiated or a chemo pt.. (not that your mother is..) and then i could see a general anesthesia d&c . but this all shuldve been done earlier i feel. i cant believe they waited all this time on a pelvic to race an old lady to the or instead of doing investigative exams 1st.. well the boiler is broken b/c now today after getting a 200 gallon $700 oil delivery. btw thats the highest oil bill ive ever gotten. ever. i came home put on the heat it was working go a little warmer and just never fired again. so im sitting again in 56 degrees and took yet another ice cold f**king shower. so i called and im waiting again for the repair guyi havent heard from rob since the fight. and i havent tried to talk to him either. my phone is still broken. im so sick and tired of being cold and being in the ice cold its not funny really. the oil tank does not have a gauge - the oil company guarantees deliveries and you never running out of oil. i was hoping the next delivery wouldnt be til the end of the month for financial reasons - the $700 is due withi 10 days. i wont have it ill pay part of it.. they usually just charge you like $1.50 for not paying the whole balance. but if they see payments basically coming over 2 or 3 months nothing happens but an updated statements saying you still owe x y z and we wont deliver til you pay it off. then they do the delivery anyway. lol.i dont know how to handle seeing him tonight. i mean i know i unloaded onhim about this and no it wasnt his fault all of these things, and im sure thats his defense. so i guess im wrong. and yes im just everyones kicking stone. last night i ran my ass off - if it was busier i wouldve been dead honestly. i 1st got a 6 month old whos o2 sat was 88%, kept giving her treatments and we couldnt get her oxygen levels up. dr b was the dr and i said this kid has a weak cry and thats a huge warning sign not to be f**ked with. kid decompensate quickly and most peds codes are from resp issues that devolve. we got the kid an xray and the kid had a huge left side pneumonia. we had to draw labs put an iv give oxgen treatments and transfer out. i was going to tell cecelia the charge nurse but she always debates me about my sick pts and frankly im tired of being questioned like a child on why im requesting help. one of my partner nurses belinda went up front and got the charge nurse and said this kid is f**king sick. sh came down and saw the o2 sat woke the child to get it to be higher. and said oh well now its 90% awake she can stay here and wlked away. so i documented in teh chart and threw her under the bus saying she was aware so if and when this kid crapped, it would be her head. it looks like shit legally but im not taking the fall for this bitch who would get me fired in a second. she also gave me an a female who had a strong cardiac hx with chest pain, and was young 36 yrs old. i had a psych pt who def needed psych meds and looked like he cudve stabbed carter on er. so after 8 hrs of running that kid. she went. well within the hr the other nurse kerry got a 2 yr old who had a fever and wasnt eating drinking.. the 3rd nurse belinda (whom im convinced is a psych pt..) said lets go do this.. i said ok lets look at her 1st. she was lethargic looking and the mother said oh i dont have a thermometer and she had a 103 temp. she said oh shes been sick for 2 days. so potentially had a fever not managed for all this time. i see how sick she is and i say ok lets do this. lets get labs iv line prior to dr a seeing the pt due to the acuity. were holding the child expecting her to start fighting when we ht the line and she didnt move. we finish an i go immediate;y to get dr a and tell them get a fingerstick (children can have low blood sugar when very ill...) i tell hi and he says ok, put her on a monitor. i said do you want her moved up front to the acute area? and he says no shell be fine there. i said dr i find it alarming shes not responsive to painful stimuli. he goes and sees her and still agrees with his original thing and says oh im confident you can do it. i said im not saying i cant do it. im saying shes sick. and he says yeahn i agree well have to watch her and shes one of the few who honestly deserves to be here. i stop and say fine and walk away. we get the pt inot a gown and we see she has a huge rash on her belly. the mother says oh she hasnt taken the t shirt shes wearing off for a few days b/c she doesnt like it. i then asked when the last dose of tylenol was and she says oh we dont have any in the house.. (2 days her f**king kid is sick) and no thermometer. the grandmother is there and i think she realized like they were int rouble b/c she started to get defensive. i walked out and said to kerry you know if i wasnt so put out id call goddam child services. what the f**k is this. really. its too much. not changing her shes practically unconscious, no thermometer, no tylenol, 2 days shes not eating drinking. she couldve died. i say to kerry and belinda ive f**king have had it with all of this. ceclia dr a, these parents. f**k all this. really. and in my head my shitty evaluation. my shitty shitty eval. i suck at nsg. if at 10 yrs yo havent gotten it. well either youre learning disabled or not good at this. but heres my problem. i have no other skills. not even pole dancing. id have to take a f**king class if i even wanted to do that.the night after my fun day of not sleeping and shoveling etc.. well itwasnt bad. i keep worrying that maybe i shouldve stayed on nights now.i havent spoken to peter again.. but its been seemingly quiet the last3 weeks after 1am or so...and im thinking crap - is this gonna suck? ami going to be super busy and kicking myself? is the day shift going tosuck and treat me badly? anyway, we were all talking... dr b wastalking alot to me. he wants to get a bmw, a convertible. he slikelook its 79k.. i said uh thats like what i spend for 2 cars.. to behonest. actually i might be below that if i really sit down and figure it out. we tlakedabout the new hondas i plan to get.. i had to speak to dr a about apt who was intoxicated and he said we cnat let him leave. you have owatch him i said well hes sleeping but i cant sit with him the wholetime... so he said fine ill order close obs.. he walked away (hes sobitchy) and i went over an dsaid well ill let you know if he needs it..but right now it seems to be ok. when he said the guy was sober i justsaid off the cuff oh good - i dont hav eto run and leap on him to stophim from leaving.. and there was silence i said what? you dont like thevision of me running and tackling the guy? and he said no not really.he ame down gav eme the d/c papers which i luckily looked at b/c hegave me the wrong ones (this isnt the 1st time. meanwhile dr b neverdoes that. ever.) so i went back and said uh wrong papers. he said ok.he went back to print the new ones. i went and waited outside the docbox and he turned around (he was way more than 3 feet away from me..)and he jumped and said oh shit. i said what? he said geez youre soquiet. i was going to say that the first time anyones called me thatbut i figured to cut my losse and run. i said oh sorry i thought i washelping you by coming here to take the papers so you dont have to walkback and you can get your work done. he said well soemtimes i like towalk around and broaden my horizons. is aid ok, i wont come to get d/cpapers anymore. and i walked away. i mena i need this shit? please.i met a new nurse named jeff hes icu, and hes training. hes been ithink flirting with me. like he was standing there when redhead jentells me her son whos very quiet and to himself and kinda chubby wascalled fat ass by another kid and her son didnt do anything (his 1stmistake..) so the bully kept taunting him until her son whos actuallykinda big stood up and justpunched him in the face. and then he didwhat youre supposed to do. he hit him again while he was down. so hegot suspended. 3 days. so shes all upset. so i said look, hes gotstreet cred now. so shes like i guess. so she then said maybe heshouldnt have hit him while he was down. i said, if u hit themonce theyre just angry. hit him 2x keep him down. i said he had to manup. how much bullshit is he going to take? hes 17 and in high schooland he has to grow aset. jeff says wow. i said what? he said imsurprised you said that. i said what? he needs a set? so he goes wellthat.. but the hit him while hes down. i said look im from the city. idotn f**k around. and hes laughing. i told jen tell him next timeoutside of school so he doesnt get in trouble. jens like yeah i will...loli was tlaking to chris and i told her how a pt was asking me if itslike grays anatomy here.. i said yeah kinda.. just with uglierpeople... so the pt laughed. so jeff says i object to that.. i saidwell i apologize i didnt mean to offend. present comapny excluded... hesaid no theres a lot of good looking people here. i said i dont thinkyou get out enough...lol.. i said whos good looking? the er drs..? dr aand b are sitting there with their short haircuts and going bald.../receeding hair lines... and he says why do you thnk theyre hot? i saidnot as hot as they should be.. so he says well youre hot... i said ohnot really. he said youre very pretty... (chris had been called away bythis point..) i said well no.. and he cut me off and said accept thecompliment...i tried to get out of there..hes training with this guy ali.. and hes philopeno and very quiet andeasily embarassed.. so i said watch this.. i said ali i missed you somuch while i was gone.. he said you did? i said yeah.. i winked at himand ali turned all shades of red.. and basically got out of there...jeff was laughing and i said if only i could use my powers for goodinstead of evil.. he said i know geez. i gotta go check ali..jeff also made a comment about my rings and my watch.. i said what? he said thats soem rock on your hand.. i said yeah i guess. he said let me see? is aid since when do guys notice jewelry? he said well look atyours. its in your face.. i said no its not its my wedding set and awatch. i have no other jewelry on...
No, no mummified babies...what the heck? Gross. Talk about trauma! No thanks. Mom is back at the SNF and is getting stronger. She is still a bit odd and that may be due to all the recent changes and stress, at least I hope so. But she seems a bit better. I am not sure what happened when the opened up the encpasulated infection, but I trust this doctor who also said the infection might have been there for years and probably was the result of unclean instruments when she had a cone biopsy many years ago. Her cervix was totally locked up, so no exam, without killing her with pain, could occur.
Nice on the boiler huh? Please tell me the dumb thing is fixed. This is just tragic. Now I know why my father, a gas company man insisted on natural gas. Even in a disaster it usually is working.
Are you speaking to Rob? I hope so...and tell me he is not in the 3/4 of men who ignore valentine's day? I am sure that he is not the worst man by far, but you do both seem to need some assistance in communicating. He seems so, oblivious to your needs. It makes me concerned that he is so out of touch at times.
As far as work. Your job just sucks. I am sorry to say that so bluntly. But it is so true. You deal with kids dying and infants who cannot suck air and doctors who seem to have attended a correspondence school and you have to avoid being cast under a bus, every day. There has got to be an easier way and when you are done with this mandated tour of duty; really think about going elsewhere. This is just crazy what you endure. Seriously; by comparison: I had my oldest see a neurologist today, at a hospital based office. The doctor was 26, if a day over. She was relaxed, calm, looked wonderfully unstressed and was not busy like you get. She was okay, but I am sure she was not as worthy in her job as you and I am sure gets treated 100 times better. (My daughter had migraines for many years and we finally gave in to see a professional on this...no big deal.) But the point remains...I just do not see all health care jobs that earn as much as you committed to the stress you go through. It is unfair and just wild. Plus you see child abuse and neglect and have to take all of this home. post secondary trauma has to be playing a part of your life right now, How could it not?
And nursing: I find it hard to take in that you still do not see yourself as good. You are very bright. I can tell. You tell me exactly what the 500k paid specialists say, and right away, without their delay and massive tests. You have a bunch of, excuse me, losers who tell you that you are a mediocre nurse and wait...you believe them. You are not that way. You just have a massive number of poor interactions because of them, not related to you and I still see you accepting this mistreatment as you. You do not suck at nursing. Anyone can see this is what you were meant to do.
Dr a is who is is. You called it. He is a disorganized mess who uses women. You did him a favor in trying to get him to save a few steps and print his d/c papers...but then he talks back or tries to act cute or whatever he calls it. And I am glad dr b is at least semi with it. But I never understood why doctors have to shove in your face that they make piles more than other humans. How nice he can afford a 70k car that has massive electrical issues. Have fun. Every own a convertible. You only ever own one. There is a reason for that. He sounds so mid-life crisis by the way. Does he know that these conversations come across like that?
Jen's son hit a bully and defended himself? Good. Now others will not mess with him. Am I supposed to say that as a counselor? No...but as a parent, good for him! Sometimes a big stick is a great deterrent.
Okay...now you have Jeff the new admirer. Is this man your age or younger? Hmmm, he is either a really nice fellow with rotten boundaries or he is a mega manipulator. What do you think? And don't fall for that charm crap. All men who manipulate do this. And men do notice jewelry. I do. Of course my mother worked for a big jewelery company, but still.
Anyway, I think Jeffo there is up to something. And hey, stop picking on ali. He sounds nice. lol Steven
hi steve.the boiler repair guy came, apparently there was an air bubble... he reprimed the line and put a new filter and checked the gaskets..? he didnt come til almost 3pm.. i had napped an hour or so and then i was writing you.i was in my pjs no makeup and i was clean - i took a shower despite the ice cold water again...hair down...- i didnt care like i normally do to have someone come to my house.. but i didnt want to get redressed and i was in the shower when i realized no hot water... . i dont know why but the repair guy and i were talking alot, basically the whole time laughing and saying well inapprpriate things for a stranger to another stranger. he asked me what was wrong what previous repairs etc, i said i came home from work this morning and there was heat for 30 min or so.. and then it just wouldnt turn on... he asked what i did and i told him. he said oh wow thats cool. hes def older than me 40 or so.. not good looking but average. and only about my height.. but he had this charisma.. the conversation went non stop and we were laughing our heads off..we talked about union stuff.. he told me his union sucked.. and told him to call the national to complain about the local.. etc and threaten them with further action with the nlrb.. the conversation bounced and bounced from him asking me about how many cardiac arrests came in due to the snow.. to my asking about the duct work on my boiler.. we got into marriage and he made a comment about whos really happy? and did i know anyone married who is? i laughed at the cynicism.. i told him thats funny b/c at work a whole bunch of people were complaining.. (something to do with valentines day?) and how they dont want to go home, should they sleep in their car? to colleen being engaged with an infant but wont lt the fiancee to move into her apt.. ..so he said ah it could be better, and i kinda asked why? he said well think about it. you dont want the same toys you had at 10 yrs old now... i said are you saying your toy (his wife..) isnt as good looking anymore? and he said no shes still pretty good, its just boredom.. i said oh like you cant have the same cereal everyday.. he laughed and said yeah exactly. he saw kates picture in the house.. and he asked about her and said she was beautiful.. i said thank you.. he saw the bassinett and asked and itold him of andrew and then he told me his kids.. older than mine 13 and 11 two boys.. he said you know this is guy talk - apparently the boiler guys are a bunch of animals who complain of their wives.. i said don worry women all say how dumb you all are.. he laughed he said er nurses are like you? i said yeah.. i guess we have sick senses of humor..he told me some of the boiler guys have women on the side but their big mistake is that they dont have affairs with women who are married. i said omg ive said that too!!! then that way they have as much to lose.. he told me that i have a leak not covered by the service contract (i pretend to be surprised by this but i know it..) he was explaining it, and showing it to me.. he said he didnt have time to find another woman. so i said you pig, youre saying you only lack opportunity ? and its not your ethics stopping you? he said yeah basically. i had to laugh. i dont know why but. i had such a good time talking to him. we just laughed and laughed. he def spent way more time with me than needed.. . he told me he could come back and fix the coil on the boiler.. he looked at the slip and said my name i said yes you can call me liz he said oh i really like that name.. he told me his name and guess what it was?! andrew!!! i said omg my son is named andrew. he said andrew what? i said william and he said his name is andrew anthony.. i said wow aa.. he laughed and said he never thought of it like that. ..he said oh andrews a good solid name. i said yes it is..he had me sign his paper and he said i can watch you sign that all day. i said oh yeah? why? i knew why, i leaned forward to the dining room table and he looked down my shirt. my own fault as i wasnt dressed to lean forward, i mean im wearing pants and a tank top plus a little jacket (bought for my hospital stay..) my pjs werent too sexy or whatnot... but i played dumb as i didnt want to go any further with that as i watched him look down my shirt. i onl initialed b/c of it - my name is XXXXX XXXXX to sign..
well thx about my nsg skills im flattered. i didnt call i that it was a huge pocket of infection though. buti still believe this - since she is locked up shouldve been done sooner. so now they should re cat scan her and see if the "mass" is gone. btw. and the cone bx mustve been done for an abnormal pap. i had one. its super painful. they tell u the cervix feels no pain. except you orgasm with your cervix so.. to me thts all bullshit. if it feels happiness.. well i would think itd feel a huge cone bx. so did ( the original cone bx years ago..) it come out clean? it mustve.
either way, its like 2 facilities so i dont know why i dont know how to play well with others. i mean im not there to back down or let anyone f**king die. another nurse said shit i think that kids gonna code and i said oh f**k no shes not. not while im here.
so sun nite dr a brought tons of baked goods. like the italXXXXX XXXXXies that are $15 a lb.. cheesecakes, he had to have spent $200 seriously. there were towers of cookies. and each tower is like $35. so mon nite nothing, and then tue nite he ordered us pizza blah blah. so im thinking to myself wtf. why is he doing this? so i sady to a clerk wtf. why is he doing this (dont ever say i dont speak my mind!!) so shes like i dont know.. well later on..
so i found out from crazy nurse belinda that dr a said she was crazy. so (b/c she really is..) she said to dr a well now i know why all the nurses hate you here!!! so he was asking her why? what do they say? who says it? etc etc. so i said what did you say? she said i f**king walked away. so i said to her b, why does he give a f**k what us peons think of him? really? i mean he makes 330k. whats the diff. i would walk around with my cock out seriously.
she was howling laughing. and then i told her im not a child. im not bought with a f**king cookie. hes such an asshole. he shud try to be less of an asshole. she heard what he said about the unresponsive girl and she was like i know.
jeff. i dont know. we became fast friends. i dont know why. we just hit it off.
so far hes seemed genuine. maybe hes lonely? he is divorced. he told me his wife would nitpick everything and everything had so much pressure. like if they were going out for the day she would pack like they were going away for the weekend with the 2 kids.. (i guess shes a type a personality..) he said all u need is a diaper and some wipes - the other extreme a minimalist.. although he was prob like that cuz she was so hyper...
Wow, sorry I have been less than reliable about getting back to you. I seem to be spending so much time dealing with my mother that I hardly have time to do what I want to do. But, she is doing better and I a trying to modify her home (Bathroom, kitchen ,etc) in case she returns, which is the goal.
You and the boiler guy. Now a part of me knows that you are in a situation where you feel rejected by Rob and to a large extent, ignored and unappreciated. That I get. That is real. Plus, you were hurt at work, and with all the stress you have been through, etc. I get why you feel unwanted and that may feel you you are everyone's nurse, toy and slave and savior.
I mean: This man was easy to talk with, but if you knew he was looking down your shirt, why does that make him still acceptable? Okay he is a guy, but he has the moral center of a gnat, and all in all: He seems like a sort of nice, well, creep. No? I mean is being an obvious voyeur not a serious character flaw? And he tells you he could do this all day? Okay....what am I missing here?
Mom question: She had the cone biopsy done under general anesthesia years ago. I am not sure why that was the case but there was something else they were doing too. There were abnornal cells. However, she was very secretive about such things with me as it is a female thing and that generation tells nothing to sons, at all. And I believe you about the pain of the procedure. It just sounds painful. How could it not?
Just because the past is full of weird people and nursing nightmares of circumstance does not mean that it is going to repeat.
I have lots of nurses who work for us that say the same things you do, until they found it was the areas they worked in, such as ER and OR and ICU care. When they got out of that and into other areas that were not such crazy direct care situations, they did much better with people, as the personalities were more stable.
Really, they were much better off and I wonder if that is not what will happen with you.
People like dr a and others seem to flock to the types of medical situations that you are in presently. No wonder you hate it. They are either weird, immature, jerks or all three. It really has nothing to do with your skills.
What? You can't be bought with a cookie? Now that is surprising. Certain cookies may hold power over others you know. lol But really. The man feels guilt and is afraid. No wonder he does this kind of thing, and you know...most people will see him as such a nice guy. (what a shame) They do not see below the surface like you do. Like I said before, your personality type with both feeling and logic intuition is very rare. Most people like PT Barnum said, are suckers for this type of manipulation.
Jeff...who knows. I wonder what his wife said about him. Any story sounds good until you hear both sides. lol Steven
hi steve. its no problem about the time span in between responses. dont worry about it. you have to be there for your mom first and foremost.
andrew the boiler guy. well the look down the shirt happened at the end when he finished and i signed. and frankly im not sure. i didnt see him do it. i figured it by the comment and that i leaned forward. am i sure? no. i did have the thought if he came back to fix the coil that i was going to be dressed to the nines...
i got a smartphone since my phone has died.. i like it. we upgraded so i can do the internet and stuff and i do see the appeal.. its a white nokia and its kinda cool.tmm2 texted me, asked me how my valentines day was. i said ok (didnt go into detail.) he said yeah. i said how was urs? he said just ok..rob got me a card.. and thats it. i didnt get him anything. b/c they ddnt have any cards left at walmart.. and i wasnt dragging the kids somewhere else. and i felt like if i get him a card he doesnt get me one.. itll be really bad. the card he got was nice enough..
cone bx. at least they were generous with anesthesia. i was told (at 19 yrs old..) that the cervix didnt have nerve endings and it wouldnt hurt. i was wide awake. i was actually out of breath with pain when it happened. i luckily didnt have any further abnormal paps. but this was all done by the ob gyn who i slept with...
i booked kates birthday party. the day before easter.. its going to be at a bounce place. i made it 530pm to 830pm. i did that only b/c i got an extra hour for the party - i felt like 2 hrs wasnt enough but to do that i had to be the last party of the day.. not exactly what i wanted but.. well i felt like 3 hrs was better than 2.
afer mommy and me i told jen and redhead jen and gina not o tell nancy (seamus mom..) about kates party. im not inviting the animal. jen defended nancy and the kid.
first with oh well if kate played with him he wouldnt pick on her. i said look hes been beating the shit out of her for a yr. i said i shouldve f**ked nancy and that kid up already. he hurts her. so then jen said well kate should hit him back to get the message across. i said uh no. im not turning my daughter inot soem wild f**king animal b/c he is. i worked hard on my kid. he has 2 parents who cant control him. my 2 yr old daughter cant either. so she saod well hes only 2. i said look theyre almost 3 and its everytime. not cuz hes having abad day once in awhile or its been a few weeks. i said if this was the city id have f**ked them both up by now. (besides the fact my dad wants to beat this kid up..)
so she tells me that andrew could be the same exacgt thing etc etc. i said well hes not. so forget that (although im super worried..)
so she says well you know nancys a nice person and so i sher husband jim. i said ok good for them. i dotn give a shit. so she says they teach pre cana. what do you do? i said make sure my kids arent f**king animals who will be craigslist predators.
the other mom jen is just laughing now.. i said look, i get theyre nice people i dont know what to say. i pay off the catholic church just like every other bad catholic (they only want our money anyway..)
and i said nancy is a stay at home mom with one kid and she cant get this kid straight. i said they shud quit pre cana and every other activity that takes them away from their full time project of seamus. if jim needs to quit his job curing cancer or whatever the hell he does, and focus on this child. red head jen was dying and so was gina. i said im not sucking their dicks cuz they teach pre cana. wtf is that.
am i crazy? and i told jen she shudnt be friends with nancy cuz im alot funnier.
i was going to see if i could work ot this week, but peter wasnt in today for me to ask about thursday.. and then i got my period and then im supposed to call the ob to g for this stupid iud (which seems like its been forver to get this done...)
we need the money but im kinda like... uh i dont want to go and see these people s and have a shitty day or night. but if i get the iud wed youre supposed to take it easy for a day or 2... plus i hate to miss time with the kids honestly.
jeff wasnt in last night.... i stayed to myself and played on my new phone...
and no i cant be bought for the price of a cookie. 10k.. well he may have hit my price for putting up with him being a douchebag.
dr a girlfriend saw pics of my kids and she was all oh my god you make the cutest babies!! and shes all oohing and ahhing.. and im like yeah... theyre ok. i said the cuteness keeps me from smothering them...
Now if you looked average for the "boiler guy" the last time, why dress up for him if he returns to install a coil? What are you saying here? And, is that a good idea? I mean if it is for you, fine. You want to show him that you do not look like death warmed over...sure, I get it. But if it is for him, well, that could be an issue.
I am glad that Rob bought you a card. That was (really) the least he could do without ignoring the day totally. At least this was not complicated by you doing something much more than he and feeling badly about it. That holiday, if that is what you want to call it, is a no win for most people.
Hey, at least you can join the 21st century with a nokia phone. They are pretty cool. I am stuck because of work, using a black berry. I feel so out of touch. Even my girls have android phones. But once you get a taste of a real phone, you can't go back. (and why do I think you will try to make that last statement into something else?)
Kate's party sounds great and having it as the last party pretty much assures that you get the place to yourself, or at least a lot of it. That does not sound bad at all. And compared to the agony that is Chuck E Cheese, it seems terrific. I would much rather endure a bounce house party than something like a pizza and much worse, laser tag place. or even...way worse...Build a Bear.
I can see both sides of the invitation part of Kate's party. It is her party and you do not want to have some out of control child there. In truth, I probably would not invite the family either. I am not sure what they are doing with him, but I can say that he sounds like he has some serious issues. And having them in pre cana has nothing to do with their skills as a parent. There are plenty of parents who go to the right places and seek the right advisement but end up with a mess of a child because they did not set the discipline and boundaries that were needed. This is clearly not Kate's fault, and playing with him (as was the one suggestion) is not going to make her suddenly much more diplomatic or something. Rather it will just result in bruises and pain. He is not doing well, and unless he has a structured supervised setting of some type, I am with you on this...keep him away. Now other therapists would say that it is rude and unfair to not invite him, but as a parent, I think he should stay home.
Not sure what to advise you on the extra work day. I know you need the cash, but I am always worried about your tendency to burn the candle at both ends and in the middle on a sunny day in the desert. If you could get a break and still get the IUD placed; heck, I think you should go with that option and forget the extra cash. Like Solomon said. What good is more money, for the more you have the faster it trickles through your fingers.
I still think there are some pretty impressive cookies that might be able to influence your actions, but I doubt Dr A will ever come up with such insight. lol
And your comment to dr a's girlfriend was a stitch. Good one. Steven
hows your mom?
id get dressed for the boiler guy and me? and ok i didnt have makeup on.. but he still hit on me... no hair style just down, it was clean and it looke dok, and then pjs? not sexy not esp pretty. literally pjs worn for the hosp. so presentable that my family would be coming.. (although they didnt come see me at the hosp.. who knew right? well i shudve i admit..although i was told by staff drs to nurses residents ooh pretty pjs..)
dressing for women is a mixed feeling thing its both for yourself, men and other women honestly... some men catch subtlities and others dont... like tmm1.. he likes feminine things. my husband likes slutty things. which makes me wonder why were together at times. i mean i admit that im not inot sci fi, and he doesnt like sports, i never really dressed slutty. soemtimes a little revealing, but i always dressed nice... i would think guys wouldnt want their female counterpart dressed that other men were like oh shes slutty..
anyway itd be for me and him. and who said death warmed over? hey.
ii admit no makeup option is not soemthing i like to do.. but..
speaking of men and crazy, dr b had a pt of mine who was full on crazy. she was 29 but looked younger - alot younger- like 19 or so- and she came in screaming and crying after taking valium seroquel cymbalta, and more, saying i want to die i want to die, she admitted to using pcp and he tells me shes hot. i told him you need f**king help. i said you have aproblem like youre actually attracted to crazy women she just swallowed a f**king pharmacy. how do you find that attractive? hes like thats not but she is. i said look, shes a drug addict. if she was an appy and he said it. id be like ok.. but she wasnt that pretty she was overdone with the hi lites i hate - the ones that match up in the middle like doll hair.. (which is why i go to the city to get mine..)
dr a bought lunch again and i didnt partake. also i saw him and the nurse interacting and looking very couple like - like very obviously. there wasnt any touching or anything but.. theyre so obvious... i had to look away. i had to watch a one to one observation on a guy who had taXXXXX XXXXXucinogens for a few minutes and i was sitting in the chair in the hallway, and then he walked by - seemeingly surprised i was there (his attention to detail is f**king awesome) and hes like oh are you ok? i said yes... he said youre sitting in the hallway. i aid yeah watching a pt.. he said oh..
no im not stupid about VDAY . i mean we never were crazy with it and are usually broke at this time of the yr.. i think b/c of christmas... an d weve had soem tough yrs...
i am working ot on thursday. i spoke to peter and im working a day shift and i said triage por favor. i said out front triage. he said oh just pile on the demands. well see. i said peter itll be my 4th day in a row.. pls. i offered either a wed night or thu during the day and he chose the day.. he said any other demands? i said yes id like a pony. (whats wrong with me? this is why people think im f**king crazy.. but then again how crazy could i be? dr b doesnt wnat to f**k me.. thats a good barometer for crazy id say... i just thought of that im going to tell people ask joe if that girls hot and if he says yes call a psych consult..)
anyway we need the money pretty badly the chairs are coming on the 28th, and my paycheck will have the extra ot pay - $550 or so and then i will have an extra $200 for the holiday pay from today...
im expecting a disability check but have no idea when i twill be coming. im hoping i cna pull another day i guess of ot - in 2 weeks maybe to get one on the next check... and hopefully that ll be it. if i really hate the ot i pull this week i wont do i tagain.
rob omn the other hand was like you cna make like $600 doing an extra night? and why havent you been doing this? i said i dont know look at how my jobs have been. so stressful i feel like im going to lose my license.. its not good for sure.
i said you shud pull ot on a sat. he said he has nothing todo at work all week. i said so... youre unhappy about that? he said no, but i cant justify coming in ona sat. i said and why are you so pissy to me after i got this job by begging eddie?
he said well its stressful here. i said were youre f**king fmaily. how is that stressful? even i dotn find it that stressful. i mena i do when soemones screaming for 9 hrs..
oh and peter and i spoke for afew minutes and he sad how are things going? i said good. he asked about the kids and i showed new pics, he told me andrew looked like he was a yr old.. i said oh he doesnt look tht big.. ok hes big steve what can i say?
he said oh shes cute.. about kate and said i never saw pics of her. i said yeah she was usually a reg pic taped to my computer (i mainly do that when im sad..)
he aske dif im having another.. i sa dwell not now. i said. i did have the thought like peters treading in murky water.. but i domnt get how people there domt get busted for the things they do. but i did try to take it that he was asking in a friendly way...
i said i wanted 3 originally, but y husband only wanted 2. i explained how kate was hard with her hip and her colic, and how andrews been hit in the head with a ball and he had his little hand stuck and he didnt cry and i said im afraid hes going to lure us inot a false comfort and then well have the next kid wholl be hell on wheels again.
he said does he ever cry? i said yeah he has acid reflux but i started the zantac and hes been alot better. but he just makes noises and gets antsy and i know hes hungry and i feed him and hes a good boy.
he told me he knows that whole thing about the kids in the bed and they wanted 3 til they had one of his daughters and said she was very good birth control.
anyway he said that i had a good chance at traige, he has to make the schedule. and he asked if i took the triage class. i sai dyeah with christine when i was trianing and ive been out there before and im signed off. (f**k steve its 2 years. no wonder why im never out there. he doesnt even know. i said peter i wa striage for a few weeks when i was the end of my preg. and i was beofre both main and walk in triage..)
ugh. maybe i need to talk to him more and pump myself up to him? im too undercover?
as far as kates bday. well the party will be private no matter what time it is. i dont like things where other people can come near my guests. i know im controling but thats how i like it. if its a restaurant it has to close. and if they wont. i wont have it there. its non negotiable.
unless theres a section away from other people like a room etc. but if i basically book out a restaurant.. no you have to close.
and i dotn like my guests paying a nickel for anything. i told them ill pay to let the air hockey to be open unlimited, and anything else and the woman said ok.
and seamus is pathological. and pre cana is where a couple teaches couples getting married about "relationships" and marriage. like finances and settling diagreements and they ususlaly teach birth control but theyre not supposed to.
anyway its about respecting your spouse etc. and the plan to raise your fmaily catholic yawn.
pre cana comes from - the wedding in cana where jesus turned he water into wine...
see you learned soemthing.
either way. the 2 of them need to get a priest to exorcise that kid and im not kidding. theres real problems there. jen told me the leader of the group loves nancy and she has a ton of playdates etc and shes never leaving the group. i sai dthat sfine but that doesnt mean its ok for him to beat up my daughter. is aid yeah she has to do all that crap to make up for him. who the hell would put up with this if she didnt do all this crap?
an cuz im a full time working mom where theres practically no moms in the group who are.. well i guess im not as good of a mom.
esp since i dont have the same amt of time like they do.
and i wa sinsulted when jen sent me that whole text. i told her im not impressed they teach pre cana. big f**king deal. and i told her im still not having tht animal and me spending 1k on my daughters party and hell ruin it? no dont think so.
have to run to work . ttyl
Mom is doing better in some ways. She is getting stronger and was able to walk steps in the rehab unit of the SNF, which is very good. She is clear mentally except for occasional lapses in memory, most fairly minor. But, she does have cancer, endometrial type. She is deciding what she should do about that but I have a feeling she will elect to do nothing. She has been through a lot and they cannot stage the cancer unless they do surgery and well, she is 82 and tired and wants to live in as much peace as she can.
So did the boiler guy come back and were you dressed to the nines? As far as men and the way they like women to dress I think a great deal of men like the feminine stuff... but some really like the dance on a pole and isn't my woman like the best hooker you ever saw look. I kind of get that but it also cheapens the woman and makes the guy look in secure, at least I think so. And why would you want another man to stare at your wife in that way? What really makes me confused are the men who want other men to sleep with their wives. Talk about wanting to feel powerless. And Rob? You must have found something about him that was alluring to you? Even though he does not like sports and watches sci fi that certainly does not sound like a deal breaker to me.
Dr b does seem to like crazy women and that woman you described fits crazy. Hey, if he likes that sort of thing he should have hung around the hospital where I sued to work. They were everywhere, women like that. But you would not want to be with one. They were so damaged. (The hair highlights must be a common sign, like a caterpillar who is colorful to indicate to birds that they are poison!)
Dr a seems.enamored. (I often use that word instead of foolish) I wonder how long that hormone induced condition will last? He is so oblivious that he nearly walks by you? Well, you called it. He is just a guy in a doctor's coat who happens to be somewhat good looking. Shame, he could have been a lot more.
Peter is not suitable as a measure for your behavior. He is nuts. For certain. And so what if you want what is owned to you. Four days in a row at one hard assignment? You could easily do triage to balance that cycle that is not a huge request. I love how he tries to make you look the demanding one.
What else do you want from me Liz? A pony you said in reply! That is great, and it does bring the argument that he is using down to his level. He is unreasonable and I have to admit, of all the people that you work with I am most cautious about him. Dr a I get. He is shallow and self centered. Dr b wants to punish himself for some unknown sin, and some of the nurses like Jen have self esteem problems that lead them down bad road. But Peter...there is a pathological side to him that really bothers me. It is the way he acts around you, and the easy way he seems to dismiss real requests; yet, he finds ways to blame you for asking these very understandable things. It really is not you when it comes to anything he says. He has issues, big time. And I would not trust, even if it sounds innocent and family oriented about your future plans for having children. I am convinced that he is not above using anything he knows about you for his advantage. I am sure he is not as "friendly" as he seems. His promises. I feel those might be manipulative stuff to get you on his side or to appear friendly. He will do what he wants and you talking more about yours skills and abilities is never a guarantee that he will do something he says. Still, for your own sake I would subtly talk up your abilities. You never know who else will hear about it.
It is hard to feel badly for Rob about the fact that he is not busy at work by comparison. He is eager for you to pull more hours and I guess my question is...it really is not that simple. You are already worn and tired. Seeing an extra 600 in pay is nice but some things are just not worth it. And missing your kids and all the other stuff. How about Rob gets another job on top of the one he has? That would do it for money. And I did the two job routine for years. Heck, I had five W-2's from last year. Why should I make my wife work when I can?
The Miracle at Cana:
Well, every good Baptist knows that Jesus should have turned that wine into water! lol
But the pre part is what I don't get. Okay cana was Jesus' first miracle. But pre cana; does that mean we should not expect miracles in relationships? Of course I grew up with lots of Catholics, all my friends were and the never could explain what they were learning so I sort of gave up on asking.
I am not sure what teaching religious classes has to do with good parenting? I think they are exclusive from each other anyway. And if their son has issues, and apparently violence is one of them, then hey...why risk having Kate hurt. It is stressful enough to play and pay for a party like that anyway. And I am impressed. You even pay for unlimited air hockey. Why I should be invited too! I am pretty good at air hockey...Steven
hi steve. im glad mom is soemwhat better and im kinda on her side about the no surgery option for the mass. personally, i think that any cancer ina 82 yr old will be so slow growing that.. well it may not be what kills them. my grandfather had skin cancer and i left him alone wiht it. he complained of the skin cancer being itchy and we just treated the itchiness. he died from his copd as expected at 85. and he was about 80 when we found the skin cancer.
i dont have the money for the boiler guy to coem back. itll be like $300 or so to fix it.. and between the mortgage and catching up, plus the dishwasher motor went. it made this awful noise and the ball bearing broke this is all according to rob who had the whole thing apart on my kicthen floor (i told him it looked like the dishwwasher threw up..) and we need to replace the motor. i told him buy it.. so its on its way. we still have to put the cap back on the chimney from the hurricane taking it off.. the kids need spring clothes and and andrew has seemed to grow out of his stuff... i just bought them like $700 worth of clothes (on sale btw,, forget it if i didnt get 25% off..) so they got pjs and andrew got a bathing suit (so cute..) and kate got a sofia the 1st doll and i got them disney store pjs and disney store clothes and gymboree clothes. i tried to convince the boiler guy to come and fix the boiler on the side and pay him half. but he said hes not allowed to.. hes done it and customers will tell on them... and he could get in trouble... so i was going to say see? that proves how much he actually likes me cuz if he did he wouldve came and done it and i wouldve gotten a break for my supposed good looks...
he told me to call and use his id number 116 to ask for him to come and do the job. im debating whether i will or not. if i do i will be dressed to the nines.. plus the house will be all cleaned up..
i dont want rob to work the weekends honest;y. or the permanancy of a 2nd job. i wish he cud just pull soem ot too. he has in the past at his old job - they were super busy and he cud go in ona sat and did rarely.. it was mainly work til 10pm and go back for 8am and work til 10pm etc...
we had a huge fight about money and he said thta i bulldozer him if he says anything and i said yeah b/c im doing it. if there was more money id be able to pay everything wtf do you think im doing? i told him u audited me and still cudnt find a f**k up. and he said well maybe youre overspending on everything. and i said you know what go f**k yourself. you do the finances. and he said fine ill do them. nothing else has been said i dont want him to in a way cuz i like to move the money to buy things and i dont want an allowance from him. that will annoy me. and yes its rough now. i can work a few more days.. and well itll help i guess. ill pay the mortgage this paycheck and the chairs. and ill just keep chipping away at it. what can i do?
the ot wasnt too bad i was busy all day. the other 2 triage nurses one was colleen who i was a little surprised at - she said hey liz do you know how to put the pts in the computer to the areas theyre going? i said yes, (im triaging non stop..) and she says ok well can u do that? and i felt it was kinda mean girls like.
i felt kind of hurt as i thought we were friends. the day started off shitty wiht the one who i think stole the narcotics lorraine telling me to get out of her chair. i said nothing b/c i know theyll go tell on me to peter and i just dont want the hassle. after non stop for hrs, i was trying to call the charge nurse and cudnt get thru for several minutes. so i took the pt around to see if shes at the desk. i show up and she hangs up the phone and i say i have a pt.. and she cuts me off and says and you dont even call first? i said i tried calling several times, its busy. she says i wasnt on the phone (she just hung the f**king phone up.) i said you just hung the phone up. she said yeah but i wasnt on it for long. (she must have unlimited data from verizon.. no its not her personal phone its the hosp zone phone..) and she gave me the room. the pt seemed upset and i just acted like it was nothing although i was too. later in the day the mean female dr was on and she sent a pt back and the charge nurse did the same thing and questioned me a hundred times why the pt was brought immediatey back i said he has chest pain and as per mean dr hes here and shes like did she even speak to him etc etc.. and i the pt said oh they dont want me back here right? and i said dont worry youre fine and your nurse is great.. and i mean i dont want soemone with chest ain not coming to the hosp b/c theyre going to be ridiculed or made to feel stupid... i told him have aseat here well do an ekg.. etc.. and he said ok, and i felt badly really.
pre cana is like before the wedding. thats all it ever meant to me. cana was the big wedding. so the class was pre cana. and it teaches you about handling your differences etc. no big deal. ts fluff.
tmm2 hadnt been texting but he didn yest saying oh i ve been so busy but ive been thinking of you etc.. i said its ok.. and that was it. im busy too. esp if ill be working ot.
anyway taking the kids to a playdate with sean. ttyl