Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your wife suffers from severe insecurity. She may have been hurt in the past and that is why she is so intense with you now. It also could be due to having a bad childhood where she was betrayed by those who were supposed to love her. If that did
happen to her, she may not know how to trust and might look for "evidence" that you are going to leave her like the other people have.
There is also another possibility. She could have a mental health disorder. A personality disorder might explain her behavior or she may have some paranoia, which might explain the extreme measures she is taking to be sure you are not cheating on her.
However, her behavior is most likely putting enormous stress
on you. Your reputation with her friends, having spies watching you and just the friction this would cause between you both would cause you to feel overwhelmed with stress.
To address this issue, suggest to your wife that the two of you see a therapist. You both need to talk about what this is doing to your relationship and your wife needs to deal with what is causing her to treat you this way. If your wife will not go to therapy, however, then go on your own. You need to decide how you want to deal with her behavior. You cannot live like this the rest of your life.
To find a therapist, talk to your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php.
Because of the nature of your wife's symptoms, simply talking to her will not help. She needs to get to the root of why she is carrying this so far.
I hope this has helped you,