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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5557
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My wife thinks Im having an affair OKMH214211

Resolved Question:

My wife thinks I'm having or have had an affair on her. She is on an uncontrollable search for the truth. She has phone records of mine, gps records of my phone, and has a circle of friends around her that she has created that gives her sympathy. When we first got together I had just got out of a terrible marriage. When we were together for a month or so I got a phone call from a family friend asking if I would help repair a lady's car. She went on to describe the woman to me. It was obvious she was trying to set up a date or something. My wife heard the voicemail that was left by the family friend. My wife has continually searched for stuff after that. She accuses me of sleeping with my childrens teachers, co-workers wives, women at my church, etc. She has spent money to try to get the so called "truth" and has people following me to spy on me. She has threatened over and over to post this information that she has on the internet especially if I mention divorce. It is emotional hell. She most recently accused me of molesting my stepdaughter and then later retracted that statement saying that she was only trying to figure out why I won't give her sex all the time. Opinions?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your wife suffers from severe insecurity. She may have been hurt in the past and that is why she is so intense with you now. It also could be due to having a bad childhood where she was betrayed by those who were supposed to love her. If that did happen to her, she may not know how to trust and might look for "evidence" that you are going to leave her like the other people have.

There is also another possibility. She could have a mental health disorder. A personality disorder might explain her behavior or she may have some paranoia, which might explain the extreme measures she is taking to be sure you are not cheating on her.

However, her behavior is most likely putting enormous stress on you. Your reputation with her friends, having spies watching you and just the friction this would cause between you both would cause you to feel overwhelmed with stress.

To address this issue, suggest to your wife that the two of you see a therapist. You both need to talk about what this is doing to your relationship and your wife needs to deal with what is causing her to treat you this way. If your wife will not go to therapy, however, then go on your own. You need to decide how you want to deal with her behavior. You cannot live like this the rest of your life.

To find a therapist, talk to your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php.

Because of the nature of your wife's symptoms, simply talking to her will not help. She needs to get to the root of why she is carrying this so far.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5557
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Mental Health Professional
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.