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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1168
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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Hello,any help would be helpful...Im 59...met woman 54....tried

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Hello,any help would be helpful...I'm 59...met woman 54....tried to make a go of it....had to tell her to leave. Seemed like that's what she wanted....has allergies....everything bothered her....thought I was going nuts...couldn't throw the pillow on the bed...dust...clean freak...couldn't say anything in the morning....for 30 min.,....I was too bubbly for her...driving over 60 mph....she tried to get out of car...would slam her feet on floor if too close....couldn't chomp on grapes...too loud .she had trouble sleeping...slightest noise...tried so hard to please her...said she might do things that so she wouldn't get hurt....she had counseling for depression 4 yrs...I think she still is ...seemed like everyday she would just yell at me,that I'm so inconsiderate ....a hole ...rant .. For ten min......but some times would talk like a child...."me want a snack".....is there any way of talking normal with her...any way of breaking thru to her...said she was abused by ex,Odc?would like to be with her or should I b glad she's gone...said she's scared...didn't want to b alone..but wouldn't talk to me .....

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

This woman seems to have many, many problems in living. Some of those issues are physical - allergies - and some are emotional - talking like a baby and being rageful. As you wrote, almost everything bothers her or is a problem.

Dr. L :

This means that living with her would be constantly chaotic as she is rarely satisfied or happy.

Dr. L :

What reasons are there for you to be in a relationship with her? What do you get out of this?

Dr. L :

I don't think there is any way to break thru to her. Going to couple's therapy probably wouldn't be helpful as she is such a poor communicator and seems very selfish.

Customer: Nothing really,felt bad for her
Dr. L :

But why would you want to be with someone you felt such pity for?

Dr. L :

What joy did she bring to your life?

Dr. L :

What kind of partnership could you form with someone who yells and rants and treats you badly?

Dr. L :

Was there any warmth and intimacy here?

Dr. L :

I'm not trying to be negative...but rather trying to get you to see reality.

Customer: Ur right ,I got nothing out of this
Dr. L :

I'm very sorry this has happened. And you were a good man for trying so hard to please her. But there is a point where you must make decisions that are in YOUR best interest.

Dr. L :

And...I'm just not sure that you are getting anything out of this relationship.

Customer: Thought I was getting a partner
Dr. L :

It's really sad that she couldn't accept your good intentions...but that might because she really has serious psychological problems.

Dr. L :

Yes...I bet that's what you thought...that she would make a good companion and partner.

Customer: Could she ever change...
Dr. L :

Likely only with therapy and maybe medication. She needs a full workup by a physician and also by a psychologist.

Customer: Guess my first thoughts were right
Dr. L :

It's a tough situation. Sorry.

Customer: Well ...shoulda kept the money for Val. Plant
Customer: ha
Customer: Well ..guess I will move on
Customer: thanks
Dr. L :

It probably is for the best. It will take her lots of effort to get well and stay well.

Dr. L :

You are welcome!

Dr. L :

I wish you good luck!

Dr. L :

Is there any last thing I can help you with?

Customer: Should I try to tell her to get help
Dr. L :

That might be a nice gesture on your part.

Dr. L :

I'm not sure that she will listen...but you can sure encourage her to get help.

Customer: Ok thanks again...
Dr. L :

You are very welcome.

Dr. L :

Good night!

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