I have had a few serious relationships. All of my boyfriends told me that they loved me, even in high school. When I was 16, I had my first boyfriend who ended up cheating on me more than once. When I was almost 18, I started dating someone who was very sweet to me but would never make me his girlfriend. He also ended up cheating on me. After high school, I started dating someone else who I grew very close with. I know that he loved me and I miss the feeling of the love that I felt from him sometimes. I ended up breaking up with him because he had some personal issues that I couldn't tolerate anymore, and tried my best to help him get over them but couldn't. I dated someone else shortly after, not because I wanted to date someone right away, but because he sought out me. At first everything with him was like a dream, and then I learned some things about him that I didn't know. He had a child with someone that he cheated on his ex-girlfriend with. I broke up with him for reasons beyond that he kept something from me. I am now with my current boyfriend and have been with him for about a year. He is very kind and good to me. He has a past that I can't seem to get over no matter how hard I try. He is always telling me how I start fights over nothing, and don't trust him. We have gotten into some really bad fights, and it still always comes down to how I have done something wrong. My exboyfriend used to tell me the same thing. I have the worst self-esteem and am aware of that. I try my best in college and have a good GPA. I started taking diet pills a few months ago, and my my boyfriend knew that and was fine with it. As manipulative and stupid as it was, I was hoping that by me telling him that, he would say that I shouldn't take them. I have learned to see that I am very needy, and I am slowly turning into someone that I don't know anymore. I often ask my boyfriend why he loves me, not because I need to hear it, but because I don't understand why. In school and work, I appear very friendly and confident. But I truly feel terrible about myself. I went to see someone about changing my birth control because my hope was that my birth control was affecting me badly. She told me that she didn't think it was that, and that I need to talk to a professional. I haven't made the time to do so. My parents are supportive of me seeing a therapist because I have in the past when I was a child. Since then, I have always been the one who was able to stand my ground in my family. My brothers have had ongoing substance abuse
problems, and I have always done pretty well for myself. I am constantly fearful that I will become depressed, because it runs in my family. I know that a lot of college students go through these same things. My boyfriend doesn't think I need to see a therapist. He knows that I am strong and can get through a lot, because I have gotten through terrible things as a child. Why do I constantly start fights? Am I worthy of having a boyfriend who has stuck through my arguments so much? He has broken up with me twice before because he said that it just seemed like I wanted him to. I get so mad at myself for this. It seems like every time I do well in something, something else goes terrible. I work in a hospital and am a full time student finishing up my nursing pre-req's. I am in the process of buying a house. I know that these are stressful things, but I have always done well with stress
. My boyfriend is now telling me that I can't handle stress, that I can't handle work and school. He told me that maybe I should just think about going to a tech school. I know he is trying to help me, but these things are just making me feel even lower.