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Ask Dr. L Your Own Question

Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1165
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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I am a 44 year old adult male who has just lost his long term

Resolved Question:

I am a 44 year old adult male who has just lost his long term sexual partner, my wife of 12 years. i was sexually victimized while under 18 and am feeling lonely and confused about how to receive affection.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

May I please ask how you lost your wife?

Dr. L :

Have you ever addressed the sexual victimization with therapy?

Dr. L :

Online chat may meet some of your needs for affection...but it is also a very lonely situation.

Customer:

hello

Customer:

no

Customer:

she died in november 7

Customer:

good

Dr. L :

I am so sorry.

Customer:

i appreciate your condolence it still hurts

Dr. L :

Have you thought about attending a grief support group? That is a way to meet other people and to get support for your feelings of loss.

Customer:

i have

Dr. L :

And how was your experience in the group?

Customer:

considered it

Dr. L :

Yes...you are still in the very early stages of grief..it will take considerable time to build a new life.

Customer:

the groups leader was on vacation when i called then i lost m,y phone

Customer:

hello?

Dr. L :

I strongly encourage you to get back in touch with the group leader and to find out when the next session is. Grief support groups are tremendously beneficial.

Customer:

k

Dr. L :

Have you considered other social groups...book club, gym, church activity group for adults?

Customer:

i go and attend aa and church regurally

Dr. L :

Are you able to meet women through your work, through church, networking with friends?

Dr. L :

Okay...so you have some social outlets.

Customer:

i work making coffee and am mentally disabled and very poor not a chick magnet :)

Dr. L :

Is there any interest on your part to meet women you know from church, aa or work?

Customer:

yes

Dr. L :

How did you meet your wife?

Customer:

at a support group in 1989

Dr. L :

Do you have family? Are they supportive in helping you grieve?

Customer:

baby hurt

Customer:

my dr says they are emotionaly abusive

Dr. L :

So you do not have a close relationship with your family - is that right?

Customer:

yes

Dr. L :

Do you have a social worker? Or other supportive persons working with you?

Customer:

yes i have a very nice soldiar case manager at csi westbrook maine cynthia

Dr. L :

Have you talked to her about your grief? And your desire to meet women?

Customer:

baby make u mad?

Dr. L :

Could you explain that? I am not sure what you mean by baby make u mad?

Customer:

we have only met once

Customer:

are u mad?

Dr. L :

So she is a new social worker?

Dr. L :

No. I am not mad.

Customer:

yes

Dr. L :

I have no reason to be mad.

Customer:

good alan releived

Customer:

people get mad for no reason

Dr. L :

I think it would be best to talk to your new social worker to see if she can help you.

Customer:

k

Customer:

i will

Dr. L :

She can help you get connected with a grief support group. And she may be able to help you find some social activity groups where you can meet other people.

Dr. L :

Is that okay?

Customer:

i understand it is a good idea

Customer:

yes

Dr. L :

She will know what activities are available in your community.

Customer:

i believe you are right

Dr. L :

You can talk to her about what activities you like, what interests you, and then she can help you come up with a plan.

Customer:

i will call her about this tommorow k?

Dr. L :

Yes...that would be a great idea. Give her a call and get an appointment to go in and see her.

Customer:

I will schedule an appointment with her tommorow

Dr. L :

Great! I am so sorry that your wife has died. I can only imagine how sad you must feel.

Customer:

i feel cold

Customer:

numb

Customer:

bad

Dr. L :

Yes grief does leave us feeling very numb...unable to think well and very sad in our heart.

Customer:

i agree

Dr. L :

Please tell your social worker about the grief support group leader that you tried to reach. Maybe she can call and get the details about the group.

Dr. L :

I will say goodnight now.

Dr. L :

Take care!

Customer:

good n ight you also take care to yourself and yours

Dr. L :

Thank you!

Customer:

it ai't nothin

Customer:

bye

Dr. L :

Good bye!

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1165
Experience: Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
Dr. L and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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