The Child of Pleasure
I am a Christian mother of a son and I feel very strongly that he is a narcissist.
I had an affair when my husband and I separated and came back into the marriage unknowing I was pregnant by another man. After starting marriage counselling, I realized I was having another man's child. My husband who felt the "sting" of abandonment took me back. This child was overly loveable to the point that my husband captured him from me. They had a great bond together and it developed deeply during hockey when the child was three years old. You see my husband’s pain caused him to reject my love and he wrapped himself into this child. Because of myself being rejected in the marriage I too leaned on the child to fulfill my love. We also had two other children before this child was born. The oldest a son which was in hockey before the special child was born but was very poor at the sport, plus poor at other things and this son became fearful of his own father’s expectations and is now suffering from his father’s rejection, but first born is very successful in the world with great character. The second child a daughter grew into a beautiful strong Christian woman with a loving heart.
Because of shame we kept the child a secret from everyone for twenty seven years. Then, because of a bad situation we had to tell the child that he was illegitimate. The day we told him the child seemed he was set free, the father stopped tormenting me, and I was no longer in bondage. The mental abuse ended with my husband but he was left to deal with his guilt which he exchanged for drinking heavily.
Our child of pleasure got married eleven years ago. After all the lies, cheating, drugs, and too many other horrible things to mention his wife left him. She was a basket case. His wife and I became very close over the years and my daughter did too. My son kept trying to end the relation between me and his wife and was very jealous over me and my daughter’s relationship.
Two years ago I came across the word Narcissistic Personality. I continued to read and search every detail on this subject. I told my daughter in law that I think my son has NDP. She didn’t want to accept this and went into denial only to leave him two years later for good.
He financially feeds off my husband heavily to the point my husband handed his truck over to him to get back and forth to work etc.? My husband has this great fear that this son will take his own life or have a mental breakdown. My husband feels everyone likes to step on his son and enjoy doing it. He feels he is the only one left to save him. We fight all the time over this and we are now sleeping in separate rooms. My son has taken us for $23,000.00 when he told lies to my husband in order to buy cocaine, and my husband believed his lies. He give our son money without informing me and he still continues to destroy us by not paying us rent .
He stole my eldest son’s credit card to pay one of his debts along with my husband’s credit card to pay for his business.
He accused my daughter’s son of stealing Tylenol 3 out of my husband’s meds drawer which exploded into a major fight and ended many relations.
My older son and daughter both have cut ties with him. Too much pain and lies and self-love.
I want to cut ties with him because of all the hurt he brought to his wife and my grand-children. It almost destroyed me to see my daughter-in law in so much pain along with their two children.
After my daughter-in law left him, he became disarmed, weak, and started going to a doctor who deals in NDP.
My son has not admitted he has this personality but he is blaming me not my husband for his messed up lifestyle because of the lie. The secret. Of being an illegitimate child.
My son is asking me to attend a meeting put on by him with his biological father and myself. He is saying I owe him this to make him complete.
After all this...here is my question.
Should my husband and I cut complete ties with my son having NO relationship with him?
Do I attend this meeting with his biological father which my son is in full control of and states he needs it for his healing? (My husband is totally against it me ever seeing this man again.)
Because my son is in therapy he text’s me questions and wants answers. Should we not all be in therapy together and of course my son continue his separately and with us?
You can see I’m tired and confuses.