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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
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Hello Dr. L, I have this cognitive distortion. Can cognitive

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Hello Dr. L, I have this cognitive distortion. Can cognitive distortion be corrected? And how can I correct it? I believe negative thoughts makes us strong, but that's false....please help.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am the Moderator for this topic. Dr. L is not available right now, but I have sent him a message to follow up with you here, when he comes back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience!

Camille

Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
I am sorry that this situation continues to impact you and that you are not feeling signficiant. The best thing that you can do is to stay in therapy and work with your therapist to work to resolve this issue.

Positives thoughts are often more beneficial. Negative thinking tends to lead to hopelessness and saps us of energy for life. I understand that it is hard for you to move into a positive space and to stay there....and it has felt better for you to use negativity to get - and stay - strong.

Sometimes we see negativity as being bigger and stronger and more powerful. Right? Often when we think of negativity we think of the color black..or something very big. On the other hand, we tend to see positives as softer, more tender, and less powerful. Here we think of the color as white or soft pink or light yellow...something small and light.

It seems that you seeing being negative as being strong. Being positive as being whimpy. So when you think about needing to be strong in order to overcome the situation with this copy cat girl...you think about being negative so you can "blow" her away or knock her down. Right? And it is hard for you to even consider being positive as you can't see where being positive is going to change anything.

Is this making sense to you?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yeah, it makes sense. Can positive thinking help me spot or notice someone who is trying to copy me? I want to prevent this from happening again.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello...
Yes...I believe that thinking positively will help you see that type of behavior. I think in the beginning you did not notice or understand what she was doing...today you are much wiser and will be able to see what is happening.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
How can I practice? Right now I am trying to think positive and remind myself, " positive thoughts will help me notice someone is trying to copy me or handle the situation" however, right now I feel depressed...I am not use to it and I don't want others to notice what's up with me? I just want to think straight.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
Is the depression because it is hard to be positive and it is strange to say that positive statement (positive thoughts will help me)?

Yes...I can understand how much you want to think straight. That would certainly make life easier for you.

It does take time to create a new habit...and that is essentially what you are trying to do...make being positive a habit.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes, you are right! That's why I was feeling depressed because I am not use to it. But do you think that if I keep practicing and telling myself that positively thinking will help me prevent or be more aware of someone trying to be me? And is it normal to feel kinda depressed at first because I am not use to it?
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
Yes...if you keep practicing it will get easier and easier and become a new way of responding and seeing the world. You have spent so much time trying to be tough by being negative and so this is a completely new experience. Yes...it can feel depressing because you are so used to thinking differently and you don't have much success doing life in this positive way.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I like what you said in the other post, "Yes...I believe that thinking positively will help you see that type of behavior." I really agree with that, I would like to go into more depth to get it in my head. Do you know any books or do you know about this that says thinking positively will help me see that type of behavior in other people?
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
Let me do some research for you. There is a book or two I have in mind...but I want to check them out first.
Give me a few minutes and I will get back to you.
Thanks.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Here are a few things to look at:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/positive-thinking/SR00009
http://www.livestrong.com/article/137233-positive-thinking-benefits/

A good book for you to read is:
Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns



Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Okay, one last thing and I will rate you :). How can thinking positive help me see that type of behavior in people? rather than thinking negative?

Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Hello,

It will help you see that type of behavior because you will be more aware and more open to feelings...rather than shut down. When you are in a negative place...the world seems dark and everything seems negative and you are more guarded. When you are positive...the world feels safer in general and then you can more easily notice when something is "off".

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hmm, that really makes sense! :) but what did you mean by "off" at the end?
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hi,
What I meant by "off" - was your ability to feel that something is wrong or doesn't seem correct. That would be what would happen if you felt someone was copying you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L I just realized something. When I was in high school I tried so MANY things to stop her from copying me:


-told the counselor & dean


-cussed at her through the internet


-embarass her in front of her friends


-made myself looks stupid so she wouldnt copy me


-start hanging out with my sister


 


.......................................then after all that I sorda gave up. I didn't know what else to do, instead I just started counting the days school would be over. Everyday was a struggle, I was so unhappy, scared and I hated her so much.


 


But then I think, "what if could have tried more? like what if could have done something I never really do?" In my dreams I am always yelling at her face, hitting her, punching her, slapping her like beating her up. Then I think...what if I had beat her up at school? not at school, but in the street because then I would have got in trouble. I feel maybe if I have tried MORE maybe I could have made her hate me and leave me alone for good like calling her house constantly and scaring her

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haha I could have tried so many other things :( What do you think? i think I was TOO nice :/

Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hi,
No..you did more than enough to stop her. And hitting her or otherwise hurting her would have had serious consequences for you...like getting charged with assault.

The thing you must remember is that she's not healthy! Why would anyone copy someone else? Think about that! You were the healthy one. She was not.

I'm not asking you to have pity on her. But I am asking you to stop thinking about her as a normal person who engaged in normal behavior.

Keep to positive thoughts! That's what will make the difference here.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Nothing bad would happened her if I slapped her on the face...

I dont know Dr. L, it's not that I am thinking about her. It's the negative thoughts that is connected to why all this started. My thinking got distorted because of her that's the root cause of why I believe thinking negative would help me get strong and everything points to her :( I don't feel safe and I am tiered of trying and trying to change my thinking. It's not as easy as you think...it's really hard. Especially because no one has gone through this...rarely.
Another therapist told me this, " that's not a thought problem and so it wont be healed with thought toughness. It's an emotional problem and needs to have the hurt and pain and other emotions healed. See how it works?"

That's what he told me, but you are saying to keep on positive thoughts...I don't know what I am suppose to focus on :(... I feel like I am going in circles over and over, I hate this.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
I'm sorry that you are confused.

Keeping positive allows you to be free of the heaviness of negativity and gives you more energy for life. That's a change in attitude.

At the same time, you do need to heal the pain and hurt from this situation.

So it's not do one, or do the other. It is doing both. Both are important. Both point in the same direction...and that direction is feeling more in charge of your life and healing the wounds from the past.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

okay, but can you be honest with me?...


Do you think that if I keep practicing to think positive, I will actually accomplish that? I mean it's distorted thinking, but can it actually be corrected?


 


Right now it feels like it's going to be stuck there forever like I believe it 100%...and I am scared

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like right now no matter how much I read positive affirmations or positive quotes it dosent get there...it just seems so untrue.

Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
Yes...you can learn to think positively and have that as the new way you approach life.

Reading positive affirmations or quotes is only one step in this change process. More importantly, you need a therapist to help you work through the emotional aspects of the pain you experienced and help get you on a positive track.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My forehead hurts because I am forcing myself to think positive, but my brain still believes the negative thoughts make me stronger. What do I do? Is there a name for this? :'( I feel like its killing me, like my head is going to explode...
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Hello,

I think you might be trying to hard. Yes...the thinking part of your mind probably doesn't want to let go of this as you have been thinking in this manner for so long. But...it really is better to see life from a positive viewpoint.

When you start to feel a headache...go out for a walk...read a book...sit in the sun...do something to distract you from really having to think.

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