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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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My now-husband cheated on me early on in our relationship and

Resolved Question:

My now-husband cheated on me early on in our relationship and kept his sex addiction a secret from me. He has since gotten counseling and claims to have been loyal since. A few months before our wedding I found pornography on his smart phone and he said he spoke with his counselor about it and admitted that it was wrong. We are now married and I am having a very difficult time getting over these things. I took a leap of faith and am worried that I made the wrong decision. I am questioning him almost daily to make sure he is still on track (keep in mind that he slept with a married woman where he works). I found out yesterday that tells his office co-workers that "she's in a mood again" when I am texting him with my questions. I feel betrayed yet again and humiliated that I have resorted to this and feel like I am losing my mind. Can you help?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this.

Bill :

If you husband has a history or infidelity and has not yet been working to recover from the sex addiction issue- I certainly understand how distressing this is for you.

Bill :

You have to realize that it is his behavior that is making you feel that you are losing your mind... It is not your fault and you should not own any responsibility for his actions.

Customer:

Hello. He was in counseling and did well with that. I am just trying to get past it and cannot.

Customer:

It really bothers me to know that he complains to his co-workers about my insecurity when they do not know the whole truth.

Bill :

Hi- I understand---- This is not an uncommon process for someone with your husbands issues-

Bill :

He is spreading the "bad word" about you to bolster his own Narcissistic need to continue in his dysfunctional behavior.

Bill :

This is emotional abuse and with this type- change is very difficult. All you can do is get more help for yourself.

Bill :

Is it possible for you to return to counseling?

Customer:

Yes, I have thought about it. Is it realistic for me to believe that I can get past this?

Customer:

I am obsessing over what he could or could not be doing and it consumes me.

Bill :

Certainly - you are going to need some help and support but you certainly can work through this.

Bill :

I am going to give you some information that will help you:

Customer:

Ok. Are you sending the information to my email or through this site?

Bill :

yes- here are some links:

Bill :

My sense based on working with types like you husband is that he has a Narcissistic Personality-

Customer:

Does that mean that it's "all about him"?

Bill :

This will help you understand they dynamics and also there is an online support forum where you can connect with others who are dealing with the same issues.

Bill :

Narcissism is the self absorbed type-------using others (in this case you) to further their hidden agenda

Customer:

I think deep down he is a really good person and does love me and want this. Trouble is, I don't trust him. Thank you for the information.

Bill :

You are most welcome- I wish you the very best at this most difficult time.

Bill :

Kindest regards, Bill

Bill :

I appreciate your Positive Rating so that I receive Credit for my time.

Bill :

Thank you

Bill :

you will have a copy of this chat in email for further review.

Customer:

Will do. Thanks again!

Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
Bill and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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