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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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I have an adopted young brother who is 28 yrs old. He has been

Customer Question

I have an adopted young brother who is 28 yrs old. He has been in and out psychiatrist hospitals for the past 15 years and institutionalise at Calvary Christian welfare home now. Occasionally the Calvary centre will assign him to nearby farms and poultry farms to help doing works. In return the centre applied the govt welfare aid for him for supporting his monthly living expenses at Calvary. As he has been stable for the past few years, we plan to send him to a baking course and let him live an independent live. However, after give it a serious thought we want to postpone this plan. We hope to see him live a normal life. However we are so helpless as he has police records hurting my parents and get arrested. We are afraid sth unpleasant will happen if we send him to this baking course. For your info, he has Schizophrenia for the past 15 years. He is a low IQ person and we misplaced him to a normal school and as his learning is very slow. He often gets ill treated from his peers. He has a difficult emotions. But we were helpless at that time. At that time, we lived in rural area with minimum assistance and most of us are lack of knowledge to take care of low IQ kid. But we did bring him to see a neuro doctor and his warning was one day this child will bring a social problem. May I know what is our plan for him ? continue to institutionalise him at Calvary welfare home ?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L :

Hello

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your problem. It sounds like you are torn, wanting to give your brother the best life possible but that there are not a lot of resources where you live to adequately meet his needs.

Dr. L :

What was the social problem the neuro doctor warned against?

Dr. L :

Also, if you were to bring him home and it did not work out would it be difficult to return him to Calvary?

Customer:

Our neuro doctor ever said this child will turn violence if continue to place him in normal school coz school bully. His bizarre behaviour after his onset of mental illness caused us a lot headache. He hurted my parents whom got no choice but called police to arrest him and send him to psychiatrist hospital and then institutionalise at Calvary

Customer:

isnt it this is already a social problem, a burden to a family which is poor

Customer:

For his past 15 yrs, an interval of 2 - 3 years my parent will bring him home coz my late mom did not want to see him institutionalised forever in Calvary

Customer:

this is already his 3rd Calvary home in different places

Customer:

We are really lost and dont know what we can do to help him live a better life...........

Dr. L :

I see so the doctor is giving directions to be cautious about bringing him home and it sounds like you have tried but you don't have adequate resources. Is the real issue that your father does not want to disregard your late moms request and feels very guilty that it is not workable for him to return home?

Customer:

ya. this round we want to send him to a baking school and stay at hostel...........but again my aunty rejects this idea coz she is afraid that my brother might bring violence to other students............

Customer:

actually we are terribly sorry for him for the past 15 years as we are poor and cant provide any good solution for him............

Dr. L :

Has calvary worked with him on his anger and do you think he will become violent?

Customer:

he is quite fine with Calvary

Customer:

we dont listen any complains about his violence

Customer:

for your info, I myself is also a mental patient...........Schizophrenia as well..............we had developed this illness about the same time.............

Dr. L :

So really it may be more the families guilt that your brothers being unhappy. He may be more accepting of his situation than the family

Customer:

but my reason for onset was I am under financial stress for long time..........struggled to finish my tertiary studies...........

Dr. L :

Ok. But it sounds like you have been able to be more independent and able to live a productive life.

Customer:

after graduated I cant find a decent job.........but worked as an audit clerk at various small audit firms.................for about 10 years ............then I find chance to improve my English command then I land a junior Accountant position at a small hotel 5 years ago till now...............

Customer:

I started receiving counselling help since 5 or 6 years back.............it really helps me..............

Dr. L :

That's excellent that the counseling helps. Does your brother receive any counseling where he is?

Customer:

I dont think he has any counselling at Calvary......but he told me he attends cell group on every Friday night.........

Dr. L :

Ok. Well I think from what you said that he is doing ok at Calvary and that the issue is more the family feeling guilty than he does. What do you think?

Customer:

ya, we hope to bring him a better life since our financial is improved now...........

Customer:

but I dont know whether he can face the stigma at the baking school and how the students see him as a mental patient.......

Customer:

for me, I never tell my colleagues about my illness.............except my close friend and parents and relatives knew about it........

Dr. L :

That is good that the financial situation but I think that it is risky, from what you said about his vulnerability to being violent. Maybe for now it might be best to remain at Calvary.

Customer:

then we really sorry about him.............

Customer:

for your info also, my father is having depression too..............as he battles with his COPD and lost of spouse these 2 years

Customer:

my family only got 3 of us, myself, my dad and my adopted brother

Customer:

we all see psychiatrist.............

Dr. L :

Yes it is sad, but I think that you are imagining what it would feel like for you to be there but your brother does not feel the exact same feeling.

Customer:

ya, my brother only know short term satisfaction..........but he does not know what he did last time to hurt my parents last time...........

Dr. L :

It is good that you are able to get help from mental health professionals.

Customer:

about 6 yrs back I am quite stigma to open up myself and ask for help from mental health prof but now I am comfortable to do so

Dr. L :

That is part of why it might be best for him to stay there, especially since he seems to unaware of how he can be hurtful to others.

Dr. L :

You sound like you have made some very positive changes. Good for you!

Dr. L :

Our time is nearly up, is there any last thing I can help you with?

Customer:

my family has experienced 3 - 4 times financial crisis...............I collapsed at the 2nd crisis

Customer:

when I was 2 yrs out from uni

Customer:

financial stress is the main trigger for my mental breakdown...........

Dr. L :

I am very glad you have recovered from that financial situation. Now that your life is better...it would be good to enjoy this period of prosperity.

Customer:

But it looks like it is hard to improve one's financial status.............

Dr. L :

Yes...many people do not do well during a financial crisis.

Dr. L :

I am glad you survived...and are doing so much better.

Customer:

I hope to own a house at city.............for your info, I have been renting a room outside for the past 26 yrs. It started from my teenage time which my family rented place is too crowded for me........

Customer:

then I moved to city for renting hostel................then working till now..............

Customer:

I hope I can buy my small apartment.................

Dr. L :

That would be wonderful! I wish you the best of luck!

Customer:

ok

Dr. L :

I will say goodbye now.

Customer:

shall we end here

Customer:

bye

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
Dr. L and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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Dr. L
Dr. L
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Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist