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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about your daughter and her family situation.
What you described is very serious since it shows you have no doubt about the her husband's affair-s, dishonest and manipulation, while she remains "unaware" of reality fooled by very skillful and long term manipulations. At the same time you said that you want her to find out about this reality, but that you do not want to be the ones telling her about it. You did not specify the reasons for you not to want to tell her about it. M recommendation is for you to reflect on how serious this situation happens to be, how much it has and will continue to impact on their lives if she remains blind to what is truly going on.
I do always recommend parents not to get into adult children's marital issues, but in a scenario like this it seems obvious to me that it is necessary, fair and wise to support her in order for her to take better care of herself, children and life, once the neglect and abuse she has been undergoing according to your message are truly serious.
Your responsibility would be to offer the best emotional support and guidance, for her to make her own choices and take concrete actions to ensure their integrity and well-being. Nobody but her has the power to choose what and how she wants to cope with it and she is the one literally shaping their reality depending on her choices and actions. It seems essential for her to get all the best possible feedback, support and guidance she could get, and as parents I believe you should pay that role too, respecting boundaries, limits between you.
Does it make sense?
Yes, but what you also can probably help how to handle it/approach. I am scared as it's going to cause lots of hurt. I forgot to mention that they also have a business together and she carries most of the responsability of it. In my mind the situation is very complicated. I also fear of his reaction towards our daughter and family.
You're welcome. Thanks for replying
It seems as I rated a bad service, what is not the case quite on the contrary, but i want an answer to mi next question. Thanks
Without doubt there is no way not to face painful experiences while addressing these serious issues, but denying or avoiding take assertive action would only promote and enable further abuse and neglect, so extra suffering your daughter nor her children need nor deserve.
But can you please give me a tipo on how to approach this? She told me when they separated not to get involved. But now we have proof of his infidelity!