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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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ts been over a month since Ive been with john doe l and i

Customer Question

ts been over a month since I've been with john doe l and i told him i got std tested and they said I have hsv1 cold sores (which i knew ) but i didn't tell him that i think i have it down there now . i don't know how to tell him i want to thou. i want to tell him everything no lies. i wish i told him from the beginning so i won't have this anxiety/regret/and guilt. i feel like i may have ruined his life and he doesn't know the whole truth. and i feel horrible about myself because although my life isn't over and I'm not dying i feel like i am inside. keeping all of this to myself and withholding information from him. theres nothing there for us we didn't know each other well (2-4 wks) and the fact that i didn't tell him before we hooked up together is bad but i feel like he will hate me and i know he has the right. i just feel so bad because i now know how wrong it was and i am now feeling the consequence of not being truthful and i hope he doesn't have it or if he does it just oral hsv1. its horrible because i feel like if i tell someone they will not only look at me a certain way for having it but also look at me in disgust for not telling john doe that i get get cold sores before getting with him. idk what to do and i don't know how to not feel so horrible about what i did and the lies i told john doe but i also don't know how to just live with the fact that i may now have hsv1 both oral and genital. its like i been chasing guys in the hopes of being loved or feeling like I'm loved and now i feel like i just ruined all my chances of that by my actions and now its just like karma for not telling him before we got together.What should I do? and how do I get over the guilt and not stress over this disease?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

'

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are in a difficult situation. I understand very clearly what has happened to you, what you have done, and how terribly you feel.

Customer:

I don't know what to do as far as telling him and so on

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You know that you made an error of judgement in keeping the truth away from John Doe, but you cannot go back in time and undo any of that.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He will never accept that you had relations with him while knowing you had herpes.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

However, you know now and must tell him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You could tell him that you just found out and have been agonizing over telling him,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have made a mistake, but now you must act and let him know that he must be tested to make sure he doesn't have it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is all you can do.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You MUST do it, no matter what the consequences.

Customer:

i did tell him that i got tested and it is possible he can get cold sores but i didn't tell him that it may also be gentile because i been going back and forth to the doctor and they haven't told me that what it is yet but i suspect it is.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Why haven't you gotten the test results, or were you tested?

Customer:

i was tested but it doesn't tell you where. i have oral herpes which they say is common but i was misinformed about the chances of transferring it to the genital. and i have gone to the doctor but they haven't said if it was it just to come back it things worsen

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You need to go to your local health department. They have free, anonymous testing and they CAN tell the difference between the different strains. Genital herpes and cold sores are both similar but not exactly the same.

Customer:

I'm hoping that it isn't but from doing searching I'm concerned that it maybe and since my doctor hasn't correctly diagnosised me i am feeling a bit of anxiety over it and the possibility of telling him

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I have a couple of articles for you that will help you in your search.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I pray along with you that you do not have the genital variety, but if you do it is certainly not the end of your life or your sex life.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes_simplex_virus

Customer:

i know i only tested positive for hsv1 which causes cold sores but am concerned because i later found out that it can also occur in the gentials

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/default.htm

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It can, but you may not have this.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can also have it, and can be asymptomatic. No outbreaks and no contagion at these times.

Customer:

that is what is causing me to worry i don't know and i have read such articles and the symptoms and one or two may apply but not all and i go back and forth to the doctor and i haven't gotten and sufficient answer and i wonder if my doctor accurate

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

As I mentioned, most local health departments (government) give anonymous testing. It is their job to protect and inform the public about communicable diseases. It is worth getting a second opinion from a place that is used to doing this.

Customer:

yeah i think i will see another doctor

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Going to the Health Department just means getting blood drawn and coming back for the tests. It is a nurse.

Customer:

i will go see a infectious disease specialist because it seems like the only way to determine if i have it is to have them look at the area or do a swab/ biopsy. but how do i stop thinking about it ? i am still young and single and i feel like its always in my mind

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can use techniques for stopping obsessive thoughts.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I can recommend a good book for you if you wish, a workbook.

Customer:

thank you

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are very welcome.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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