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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5430
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have a male friend, who is a TV news sports anchor, very

Customer Question

I have a male friend, who is a TV news sports anchor, very attractive, but still a virgin. He doesn't date but when he goes out, he goes to collage bars, drinks too much and does things like grab woman's breasts. He spends all his free time on twitter and facebook. He stalks mostly collage woman and watches a lot of porn. He never talks about actual sex (intercourse), but is obsessed with breasts. He doesn't seem to be able to relate to woman at all, except to notice their breasts. He is awkward around them. A lot of woman find him creepy. He says he wants a relationship with a woman but he never seems to have one. It's strange to me because he has a high profile job and is very well known in our community and is attractive. Is is a closet homosexual? What do you think?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your friend may have either been abused somehow as a child, or he has developed a fear of being close to a woman so he treats women in general as objects, which is safer than actually having a relationship with someone.

Your friend's interest in women is dysfunctional. You mentioned that he stalks women, watches porn and is obsessed with women's breasts but he is awkward around women and unable to form normal relationships. That usually indicates someone who is afraid of women. And the attention he does show them is not normal in nature. He is objectifying them by breaking them down into body parts and by watching porn, which is sex but without the emotional connection to the person you are with. It also demeans women as a group.

Sometimes people who are abused as children can develop dysfunctional ways of viewing the opposite sex. This can be particularly true if they were abused by a woman or a woman somehow was part of the abuse they suffered. The person becomes fearful of being close because any closeness to women reminds them of what happened to them in the past when they were hurt by a woman.

It is doubtful that your friend is a closet homosexual. He might try to fake interest in women if he was, but to keep up this level of intensity and to portray it in such a dysfunctional way is highly unusual. Most people trying to hide homosexuality would show a normal level or reduced level of interest, but not in a dysfunctional way.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you so much. I have often wondered if he was abused, but have never asked him. He doesn't talk about himself much, most of what I know is from observing him. I asked him once if he had ever been in love with a woman & he said "maybe". You hit the nail on the head. He DOES treat woman like objects. Also, last year he referred to a woman he had never met in person (facebook friend) as his girlfriend. I have seen him get emotional about sports, but never woman. He just turned 36 (Catholic) & his mom just started pressuring him to get married & start a family. It's really upsetting him & I'm worried.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome!

If you feel it might help, try talking to him about going to therapy. If he won't consider it, suggest he see his doctor who can try to talk to him about his issue. You can always contact his doctor ahead of time and let him/her know what you are seeing. The doctor cannot talk with you without a release of information, but just letting the doctor know what to talk about can help.

He can also talk with his pastor if he is open to that.

If he was abused, then what you are seeing with how he treats women is how he is coping with it. If at all possible, offer to be there for him if he wants to talk. You may not be able to force him into treatment, but by being a good friend, you can give him a way to deal with his issues and possibly get better. At this point, if he doesn't have any insight, there is not much you can do. But if you keep trying to gently bring it up, he may eventually consider what he is doing and reach out for help.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5430
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you very much for the positive rating and generous bonus! I appreciate it.

My best to you and your friend,
Kate

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