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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am having some problems/confusion concerning my best friend

Customer Question

I am having some problems/confusion concerning my best friend who I've known for about 7 years now. To start with, I'm female and my friend is male but we are both VERY gay and in no way bi sexual. We are like brother and sister to the point his mother actually calls me her daughter. To make a long story short, lately he has been acting weird towards me, in almost a sexual kind of way. He will do things like put his hand on my butt and ask me if I know what he's doing but he always does things like that in a joking sort of way so it's never bothered me. But last night while I was in another room he got on my computer and went to a lesbian porn site so when I came back in the room that's what was playing. It was still in a joking way but at the same time he asked me if I liked that and it seemed like if I hadn't shut it off he would've sat there and watched it with me. What is happening? I know he's not sexually interested because he is very much into guys and has definitely NEVER liked women in that way. It just sucks and is confusing because I have always felt safe with him as a guy friend in the sense that I knew I would never have to worry about him wanting anything more between us...
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

For better or for worse, it seems fairly obvious that your friend has developed sexual feelings for you or it at least very sexually curious.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

As your best friend and "brother" he obviously loves you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I think, however, you have roused the sexual "beast" in him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Putting one's hand on another's but is an overt sexual act.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Trying to share movies with you that are obviously erotic and that he knows would get you aroused were his way of trying to seduce you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Because you are so close, I would confront him directly about this and tell him that if he doesn't want to jeopardize your friendship or abuse your trust, then he better chill out.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Perhaps he has just fallen in love with you and gender is not an issue. That is very likely and is something that you will have to take up with him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If there is any other way that I can further assist you, please feel free to get back with me.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see you typing. I'll wait ! :)

Customer:

I really appreciate your help, honestly I was afraid of all of the above being true

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is fairly clear from my objective and professional standpoint.

Customer:

yes, not what I wanted to hear but I believe you

Customer:

I don't want to hurt him but at the same time I can't be friends if he's doing this

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Now you have to deal with it by having a serious chat with him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I'm sure that if you lay down the law you can re-configure your friendship.

Customer:

we are so close, so I really hope so, he is the closest friend I've ever had

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

But you are not ready or willing or able to change your orientation, I assume.

Customer:

Right, I am in no way sexually attracted to him, not even a little

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will have to "read him the riot act" and lay down the law.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that you will save this friendship.

Customer:

I really hope so, I really appreciate your help with this

Customer:

I usually avoid rather than confront, his words about me actually, but you are right, I have to act this time

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I will keep you both in my prayers and know you will work this out. You have too much of a friendship and need to act now and not let it fester.

Customer:

Thank you :)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so welcome. You will be fine.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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