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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hello My husband and I are parents of our son through adoption.

Resolved Question:

Hello
My husband and I are parents of our son through adoption. He is currently 14 and was adopted at 23 months. He is a great kid and we love him very much. However, I'm very concerned because my husband doesn't seem to pick his battles and things that I think aren't worth fighting over become big fights with him and our son. Then, they often end with him berating our son . My reaction is to side with our son because I believe he has been treated disrespectfully XXXXX XXXXX father. Today he said, " now go run to your mom like a mommy's boy!". Please I need help. I be suggested be get counseling but he has not been receptive to that. I find it hard to respect him if he can discount his son's emotions so easily.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The situation is as you see it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your husband is being very negative and destructive.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You should be taking your son's side because his father is abusing him emotionally.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He should be mommy's and daddy's boy, but if daddy rejects him then he is mommy's boy.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have every reason to disrespect your husband for his lack of empathy and concern.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is at a critical stage of his early life at 14.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He also had to have suffered a great deal of trauma in his first 2 years of life before you adopted him. He needs EXTRA care and nurturing, and certainly doesn't need to feel rejected, abandoned or bullied.

Customer: Yes....?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your husband has to be the adult and if he cannot control his behavior then he needs help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Can you see my writing?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Hello?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Hello?


Hello?

Customer: Yes I can see it. Am I to respond?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I wasn't sure.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Wasn't sure if you were there.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you don't have any comments or anything to ask, you do not have to respond. I am trying to do my best to help you.

Customer: I have often felt that husbands father was very critical of him And that my husband has a poor sense of self esteem
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are in a situation in which your husband is not behaving properly, is harming your son, and is not able to see the harm he is doing and won't get family counseling with you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That could be very true, but you have a situation that must be addressed now, or your son will suffer.

Customer: He famous one liner he uses on our son is " you need to listen and obey". It always makes me cringe!
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It makes your son cringe (and makes me cringe too).

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Can you persuade him to go to counseling? Does he say to you also that you must listen and obey?

Customer: How can I help him to seek counseling? I'd go with him if necessary
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You should go with him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You need to find a GOOD counselor, probably an experienced licensed marriage and family counselor (LMFT).

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I would search at www.psychologytoday.com and look over the prospects VERY carefully and use your intuition.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Then make a few calls. Initial contact is usually free and welcome.

Customer: I would I just know he at resist the idea. He will say it is our son who is difficult
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

When you have some good prospects, take them to your husband and let him know that you believe this is urgent and affecting your family's well-being.

Customer: How would you recommend finding a good counselor?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Where do you live?

Customer: About one hour east of cincinnati in Georgetown, ohio
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is Cincinnati too far?

Customer: Not really but depends which side
Customer: We are close to maysville Kentucky too
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am in southern Kentuckyh.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Just out of interest.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let me have a look.

Customer: Where?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Near Dale Hollow. I cannot offer you service because of my agreement with JustAnswer.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I'm still searching.

Customer: If we could find someone in maysville it would b more convenient
Customer: Wondering if when my husband says berating things if I should call him on it as its happening or wait til it all settles down. He had my son in tears today and it is not like him to cry. It broke my heart for him.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Nobody in Maysville so far. I will have a look at another source in my file.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In the meantime look at this site in Cinci

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

for Cymbria Hess.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.cymbriahess.com/

Customer: Ok I will check that. Did you see my last question?
Customer: That reference is actually in the east side of cincinnati about 45 mins. Not bad!
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You should call him on itl

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

it

Customer: I
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is causing damage to him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This is what gives children trauma related disorders later in live, such as Borderline Personality Disorder, particularly because he was abandoned in one way or the other when he was tiny.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The Counseling Center


(NNN) NNN-NNNN/p>

829 E Walnut St, West Union, OH 45693

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is this close?

Customer: Ok I will call him on it and suggest we get help . I appreciate your help! Is there any thing else you want to ad?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Family Resource Ctr


STATE Route 10, Tollesboro, KY 41189 (NNN) NNN-NNNN/p>

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You need to approach him delicately. He is a controlling person and will be defensive and may be angry.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Appeal to his intellectual sense of doing the best thing for your son's development. Be positive but don't back down.

Customer: Yep he is very defensive but I believe he knows it is wrong. Yes West Union is less than 1/2 hour!
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Would he respond well to a parenting workbooks (high quality and intelligent)?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I have two for you. I will give you the links.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

and

Customer: What should my reaction be to my son when his dad reacts this way?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Support him. He needs your support.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Don't take sides so as to create hostility and warfare with your (unreasonable) husband. But let your son know that he is not alone and NOT ABANDONED.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have to manage TWO children.

Customer: You've been really helpful ! I will get the books and call the places you've looked up. I'm glad I did this even though I was a bit skeptical!
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thank you so much for your kind words.

Customer: Yes I do and I often say that to friends!
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

:)

Customer: Will this info stay up o. My account so I can can use it as a resource?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes it will. You can also save it, or copy it to work, or print it out as well.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

copy it to WORD

Customer: Ok Elliott thanks and God bless!
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so very welcome.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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