How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Susan Ivy Your Own Question

Susan Ivy
Susan Ivy, RN, MSN, CNS
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4057
Experience:  MSN Child/Adolescent Psychiatry, w/ Child, Adult &Family Psychotherapy coursework and experience
8413180
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Susan Ivy is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Why do some men fantasize about pubescent OKMH202211

Resolved Question:

Why do some men fantasize about pubescent girls? I know someone who is doing this, and it is very disturbing and I honestly don't understand it. I know he does not act on it but why would he even be thinking this way. It just seems so wrong- and obviously the reality is illegal. He has a respectable job and is in his 50's!

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am the moderator for this topic. I've been trying to find a Professional to assist you, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected, as the Professionals come online at varying times. I wonder whether you would like to continue waiting for an answer…hopefully it won’t take too much longer. Please let me know, and I will continue my search. If you’d prefer not to wait, please tell me, and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!

Camille - Moderator

Expert:  Susan Ivy replied 1 year ago.
Hello and thank you for your question.

There are different theories on why a grown person would be obsessed or interested in prepubescent children sexually. The most accepted theory is that in some way, the adult was 'stunted' emotionally at this age themselves. This is sometimes found to be due to a sexual trauma that occurred to the individual at this age themselves (and which is almost always suppressed or unconscious - it does not necessarily have to be that the individual was physically sexually abused, it could be due to more suttle types of abuse or exposures). Thus, it is thought that the individual becomes delayed emotionally and/or sexually at this developmental level of a prepubescent themselves, especially if the circumstances that they may have been exposed to were never acknowledged at that time or later as damaging.

If the individual is able to realize that this is a symptom of an emotional developmental problem and is willing to participate in psychotherapy (with a therapist that is experienced in sexual trauma) then there is a good chance that they could develop beyond this stage. If they are fearful of psychotherapy or looking at their past closely, then there is less of a chance that they will be able to work through this in a healthy way.

Please reply if you need further help with this topic.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


So they are looking at girls at the age they were stunted because they feel like their equals? Less threatening? More natural and comfortable than their own age? But why is it so often pre=pubescent? These men all just happen to get stunted at the same time? Because they seem to be enticed about the girls budding sexuality. They are little girls but also on the brink of being a woman. Does this just feel more exciting to them? Like they will be the ones to make them become a woman? Or is it about control. Sorry, but this is really worrying me. This person calls me a "little girl" and he says "Ive got you" and holds onto me tight.Do they know it is wrong? They must because they don't talk about it publicly. It is always a secret fantasy.

Expert:  Susan Ivy replied 1 year ago.
It is not a question that can be answered definitely in each case, only theoretically, but yes many of the things that you are saying also can be part of it. Control and power are a very important factor. I also do not find that most men are attracted to pre pubescent children. We do see these cases of men attracted to pre-pubescent children, but they stand out because they are unnatural, an exception, not typical for most men.

That the man calls you little girl, I don't necessarily see as bad in and of itself, but... I am not in your shoes and don't know the circumstances. If it feels uncomfortable for you, it is important for you to trust your feelings and consider whether you feel it is a comfortable situation for you. For example, can you talk to him about this? If he is not open to talking about how you are feeling about this actions and statements, and not willing to negotiate and consider YOUR feelings, then this is of course a sign that it might not be a good relationship. A healthy relationship is one where issues such as this can be talked about in the open between you both.

This is a great resource for understanding about what is healthy and not healthy in a relationship:

http://helpguide.org/topics/relationships.htm

Please continue to reply if you have further concerns.
Susan Ivy, RN, MSN, CNS
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4057
Experience: MSN Child/Adolescent Psychiatry, w/ Child, Adult &Family Psychotherapy coursework and experience
Susan Ivy and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education