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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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i need help, im 18 years old and i have a compulsive lying

Customer Question

i need help, im 18 years old and i have a compulsive lying problem. i need help. ive  lie to my husband, ive hurt him and i didnt mean to. when im under pressure i freak out and i lie and its about stupid things. Things my husband wouldnt even get mad about as long as i would tell the truth.  i thought i was doing good everything seemed just fine til i lie to him last night. i was honest to him for a couple if weeks but then i lied to him again. and its making us fall apart, i need help to save us. please help me

Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 3 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help. First i applaud you for reaching out for help to make changes for yourself. That's a huge first step! There are a number of things we could talk about here, but the first thing that comes to my mind is that likely you learned early on in your life that lying was a sort of self preservation technique that worked and now you keep using this even when you don't have to. Have you had problems lying to others as well in your life? Do you also have other behaviors such as stealing or hurting others physically by chance?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


i have lied to others but mosty its been my husband. i have hurt people like my husband but its been emotionally not physically. i thought lieing would get my out of things. but now that ive gotten older and ive hurt my husband about lieing i no that it wrong. i thought if i lied to him everything would just be easy but its just gotten harder.

Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 3 years ago.


My name is Camille and I’m the moderator for this topic. I am sorry, but It seems that the professional has left this conversation. This happens occasionally, and it's usually because the professional thinks that someone else might be a better match for your question. But don’t worry….. If you are still waiting for an answer, I will try to find a new professional to assist you! Please keep in mind that sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected. All of our Professionals come on at varying times, so sometimes it’s a bit difficult to predict. Either way....If you would prefer not to wait, please feel free to let me know, and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you.


Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help you.

The kind of lying that you are doing is not really the manipulative type that is used by a con-artist, but rather the type of lying that comes from fear.

I suspect that you used to get abused or bullied or punished a great deal when you were young. Because of this you internally set up a self-defense mechanism to protect you from punishment.

This is how the lying started.

Whenever you are triggered by the fear of being punished for something that you did, REAL OR IMAGINED, you automatically respond to by using the compulsive response of lying as a means of stopping the obsessive thought that you will be punished or otherwise criticized.

This is obsessive compulsive behavior or OCD.

This can be cured with therapy. Your husband should understand that this is an automatic defense response that you learned long ago and that you can now UNLEARN.

Seeing a therapist that deals with OCD or impulse control would be an excellent way to begin to change.

You can start out by getting this book, which will help you a great deal:

Stop Me Because I Can't Stop Myself : Taking Control of Impulsive Behavior by Jon Grant, S.W. Kim and Gregory Fricchione

You can overcome this and leave this old behavior behind. However, you need to apply yourself and find some help.

I can give you one more book that will be helpful if you can apply the learning in this workbook.

Free from OCD: A Workbook for Teens with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (Instant Help Book for Teens) by Timothy Sisemore PhD

I believe that this will be a good start for you, and I wish you great success.

Warm regards,


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